


Honey Colored Heart - Year 1

by NightshadeDawn



Series: Honey Colored Heart [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Canon Compliant, Female Character of Color, Gen, Male Character of Color, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, POV Original Character, POV Original Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-01-12 13:41:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 65,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18447722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightshadeDawn/pseuds/NightshadeDawn
Summary: In the year 1991, Harry Potter received his Hogwarts letter and learned of his magical heritage. Sorted into Gryffindor, he began his journey to become the greatest wizard to ever live.In the year 1990, Kassandra Addams received her Hogwarts and learned of her magical abilities. Sorted into Hufflepuff, she began her life as an unnoticed background character in the story to the great wizard who would ever live.Honestly, if the anxiety and sister thing weren't bad enough, but now there's got to be spiders too? Kacie would just like to live through the school year. If she can pass her exams, and maybe get in an actual nap or two, well, that's just a bonus. And if that pesky black sand would just leave her alone, her life would be great.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank the lovely thehedonistspurge for taking the time to beta this trainwreck! You've been a dear and a BIG help. I would not have been able to get this book out without you.

        You know how sometimes you  _ know  _ something isn’t real but you still believe in it? Like Santa Claus. By the age of five I knew he wasn’t real but for years after, I still believed in him. In a way, I suppose I still do.

        The same thing happened with magic.

        When I was rather young, I was faced with the hard reality that magic didn’t exist. Near the beginning when my parents started fighting. Fate wasn’t real, it was merely coincidence. Stars didn’t grant wishes and plastic wands didn’t make everything better with a single wave and some made up words. Soup and kisses were not things that really, truly took away all the pain. 

        Dee (the best human ever, in my opinion, and my best friend from America) would beg to differ- actually, I suppose she’d more  _ demand _ that people believe that magic exists. She’s always seen magic in the little things. Life, nature, little gifts of love. Small acts of kindness. She’s always believed in the magic of the world. But my family had always insisted it didn’t exist.

        I wasn’t aware by that point magic had always been a part of my life, and it was only going to get bigger.

        I didn’t know that from the moment I had been born, I had magic running through my veins. Though fate was a fickle thing, coincidence was not the only thing at play. While stars couldn’t grant all my worldly desires, I would see them in a pair of bright eyes. While I’ve never manage to make a plastic wand work, I’d make magic with a wooden one. I’d use another type of magic to do all the good that I could.

        In eight years, so long to a child yet so short in hindsight, the screaming between Mom and Dad would not be the only war I knew. Demons would not just be monsters under my bed or creatures from the bible on Dad’s nightstand.

        Complicated was a word that did not describe my life at that point. But it did, not long after.

        When I was young, I hated short hair. To this day, I still do. My hair has always been long, and I’ve never had any plans on letting it get any shorter than mid-back. The weight is a comfort, I suppose, though I’ll admit to it being a pain to deal with. And it was always easier to braid when it was long, and braiding always tended to help calm me down whenever… I’d freak out.

        And at the age of ten, I'd already gone through many sudden changes. My parents had divorced. Mom had moved me and my sister Lydia to England. Away from all of my friends, and I wasn't good at making any at that time anyway.

        So really, it's no surprise that getting my haircut was an emotional thing for me.

        I came home from school, it was a bright and sunny day, with my sister at my side as we walked from the bus stop.

        As soon as I walked in through the door, I could see Mom gathering supplies. A pair of scissors, a towel, and a spray bottle. 

        "Kacie, Lydia, go change out of your uniforms," she told us, gesturing us to our rooms. It wasn't unusual for us to do, so we compiled without question.

        I pulled on a pink shirt and my favorite pair of pants. At that time, I was still using American terms, and didn't refer to them as "trousers", unable to refer to Mom as “Mum” as Lydia had done.

        As I walked out of my room, Mom was ushering Lydia out into our backyard so I settled onto the couch with a book I needed to read a couple chapters of before the next day.

        It didn't really process what Mom was doing until Lydia came back in, her hair cut to shoulder length.

        I froze when Mom looked at me.

        "Alright, Kacie, your turn," she told me.

        "No, nononono," I pleaded, trying to brace myself on the couch. "Please, mommy no!  _ Mooooommmy _ !" 

        "Kacie, quit being so childish about it, it's just a haircut," Mom said. She took my arm and tears formed in my eyes as she took me outside and sat me down on the chair.

        My heart felt like it shattered with every  _ snip  _ of the scissors. My small body was racking with sobs, but my mother paid no heed to them, and the golden brown locks, more brown than golden at the time, fell around my feet.

        "See, it wasn't that bad," Mom said softly, placing a hand on my shoulder. I couldn't answer, I was still mourning the loss of most of my hair. She knew I didn’t want it cut. She knew that change upset me all the time already. Yet she didn’t listen. Just like Dad.

_         It'd been so long... I wish she hadn't cut it! I don't like short hair! I hate it! _

        My scalp tingled like it would with the beginnings of a headache. I clenched my fists in frustration.

        "Good lord..." Mom said after a moment. I looked up at her. Her eyes went wide in amazement and disbelief. In horror. 

        There were a few times that I would see that expression on my mother’s face before that moment (though many would come later). Particularly when addressing me. 

        There was once, when I was roughly four or five, that we’d been out camping and I’d gone up to Mom while holding a light in my hand. It might have been a firefly. Someone claimed it could have been an ember from the fire. 

        But it was simply a small ball of light. Pure, white light, illuminating my hands and face as I skipped up to Mom and showed her the light. Her eyes widened, the blood running from her face and turning it a ghostly pale. 

        She’d clasped my hands together and smothered the light. 

        Aunt Lucy claimed when I was really young, two or three, I’d reached out for a candle that was up on the wall. It wasn’t lit, of course. Grandma at that point only kept them as decoration. But the candle, without any provocation, had fallen and landed in Aunt Lucy’s purse. 

        Everyone joked and said it was probably one of the ghosts in the house. (Lydia was believed to see them. I don’t know how much I believe that. But then again, anything is possible, isn’t it?)

        I got hurt, when I was eight years old. Fell in gym class playing dodgeball. Hit my leg on the wall (don’t ask how, even I’m not fully sure on the details, it just happened so fast), and fell to the floor, my legs were a tangled mess. 

        One of my knees was dislocated. No one paid me any mind, I’d been out anyway, and they were all focused on the game. 

        But my leg hurt. It hurt so much. I couldn’t be heard over the shouting and cheering for one team or another. So I screamed. The entire gym quieted down. Several other classes trickled in, even as the bell rang the end of the school day.

        Diane- rather, Dee to those who knew her well- claimed it was something akin to a banshee. Someone said another girl’s ear even bled. Someone up with the fifth graders, all the way on the other side of the school on the second floor, claimed they’d heard my scream too.

        When Mom heard of each of those incidents, she held the same look of horror as the one she wore when she snipped at my hair, but said not a word. 

        I felt the same tingle of apprehension, like I might be scolded. I turned my head a bit to look at her out of the side of my eye, pushing up my glasses. "Mom?" I asked. She faced me forward again and began to snip once more. My scalp tingled again. What was going on?

        She turned my head forward and continued to snip for a few good minutes before she finally gave up. "Alright, get up, Kacie, so we can go get you cleaned up."

        When I stood, I could see a good pile of hair on the ground. But my hair was the exact same length it had been when I'd sat down. If not longer. I picked up a strand connected to my head.

        This time, my lip quivered not in fear of getting my hair cut. But this time, because of fear of the unknown. I felt the same chill that went down my spine when I gave out a banshee scream. The burn of the light in my palm. The gravity pulling the candle toward me.

        The heated glare of my father as reminded me, once again, that magic did not exist. 

        My knee locked. My hands shook while holding the fallen strands of hair. My cheeks felt damp.  _ Am I crying?  _ “What’s happening?” I begged, my voice cracking on each word. I felt out of place. Ethereal. “Mama, what’s wrong with me?” came out in a whimper.

        She didn't answer because like me, she likely didn't know.

        And she wouldn’t. Nor would I. Not until the next time February seventh came around, and I turned eleven years old. 

        I clenched my hands, feeling sand between my fingers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kacie receives her Hogwarts letter, but Lydia has doubts about her supposed magical abilities, even with all the odd mishaps going on.

 

        My eleventh birthday came in February, which if you ask anyone, they will tell you it is one of the worst months in the entire year. The beginning of the odd occurrences of the year began with a letter addressed to me, not to Mom or Lydia. And it wasn’t from Dee.

        It was a Wednesday. The sun was shining, rare for Aberdeen in the colder months. Old Aberdeen. Aberdeenshire. Whatever way I said it, it made it sound like The Shire from  _ The Hobbit _ . But the people here aren’t particularly short, nor did they go about barefoot because the soles of their feet were rough as shoes and covered in hair. It wasn’t quite so sunny as Tolkien wrote about The Shire.

        And it was cold. A chilly breeze wrapped around me as I shuffled through the mail by the mailbox, wispy strands of hair that hadn’t made it into my braids getting in my eyes. 

        “Just a bunch of bills,” I mumbled as I walked back into the house as I stuck the letter I’d recently wrote to Dee in the mailbox. Lydia was helping Mom in the kitchen by setting the table when I entered. 

        I scratched at my shin where the edge of my itchy socks ended while I sorted the mail by junk and bill type. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Lydia was wearing the boy’s uniform, the sleeves of her button up rolled up to her elbows and the first couple of buttons undone. The boy’s blazer was draped over her usual chair. 

_         Not even thirteen until May and she’s trying to act like an adult. _

        I brushed hair out of my face and went back to my task. 

        The plates chinked as Mom piled eggs onto them. The air felt heavy. She’d been walking on eggshells, since The Incident. Not that I could blame her. 

_         I don’t know what’s going on with me either. _

        “Anything interesting today, Kacie?” Mom asked. 

        “Bills,” I said, pushing them towards her. I continued my mindless shuffling, my fingers touching a softer paper. Like an aged book from the 1800’s. I pulled it from the stack and stuck the rest in the junk pile. 

        Lydia took the pile and began doing her own sorting (even if I was thorough and wouldn’t put something important in the junk; I’m not that stupid) as I turned the envelope over in my hand. 

        It was darkened to a brown color by age. The ink written on it was a deep emerald green. A large, heavy wax seal was set into it. I ran my finger over it, feeling each and every indent. 

        And on it, was my name. 

_         Miss Kassandra Addams, 278 Telling Drive, Aberdeen City, second bedroom from the left.  _

        I ran my fingers over the words. I couldn’t tell if they were raised from the paper or indented into it. But I could feel each and every letter.

_         What is this? _

        I carefully popped the seal off of the paper, careful not to break it. A few small shards of wax still ended up in my lap, but I didn’t bother too much with them. There were three papers inside. One was addressed  _ To the guardian of Kassandra Addams _ so it was handed over to Mom. I was too focused on the other papers to notice the wary look she gave me as she took it.

        “Did you get into trouble again?” Lydia asked nastily, followed by a heavy, exhausted sigh. I gritted my teeth.

        “I can’t recall a moment when it was ever my fault,” I shot back. My hands shook and I struggled to control my breathing. “It’s not my fault everybody  _ loves  _ you and you nev-never- you never- never  _ get  _ in trouble for breaking the rules just because you’re pretty  _ \-  _ you’re  _ pretty  _ and I can’t make friends because I’m an outcast and a  _ stranger  _ among all of them-” 

        “Oh come  _ on _ , Kacie, don’t delude yourself. You’re not an ‘outcast’ or a ‘stranger’.” She held up finger quotes as she said them. “It's because you’re strange, a freak! That’s the reason you can’t make any friends. That stupid, idiotic rambling and stuttering habit you have and how you’re always -”

        “Lydia, that is  _ enough _ ,” Mom said, her hands slamming onto the table and making me jump. I curled into myself as the paper in her hand crinkled. Mom frowned at Lydia. “There are things people  _ cannot _ control and your sister- Well. We have to be supportive of her.”

        No one spoke. I didn’t move, my whole body tense. It felt like if I tried to move now, something would break. Lydia huffed, breaking the silence and looked down at her breakfast. Mom’s expression softened a bit as she turned to me. 

        “Kacie, honey, why don’t you read your letter?” she suggested.

        I bit my bottom lip while nodding slowly. I pushed my glasses up. Licked my lips. 

        I opened one of the papers that had been in the envelope. “Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,” I read softly, my thumbs rubbing over the edges. “Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore. Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorcerer, Chief. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confederation of Wizards.”

        My mouth felt dry. Whoever this Albus Dumbledore fellow was, he seemed to be very important. If this was real. 

_         Does magic even exist? _

        “Dear Miss Addams,” I continued, “we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on September first. We await your owl by no later than 31st of July. Yours sincerely, Minerva McGonagall. Deputy Headmistress.”

        I glanced for merely a moment at the list of supplies on the other piece of paper, filled with things that honestly sounded very disturbing to handle, before folding them both and placing them on the table to the left of my plate. 

_         Wouldn’t be balanced if it were on the right… _

        Lydia reached over the table and grabbed at the letters. 

        “Give those back!” I shrieked, trying to snatch them back. She held them out of my reach, waving them above her head. “Give them  _ back _ , Lydia! Those are  _ mine _ !”

        “They’re just a prank, Kacie,” she said. “School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? Magic doesn’t exist!”

        “Who says?!” I demanded. “Now give them back! They’re not yours!” I bumped into the table, shaking my plate and glass of juice, in my efforts to get it back.

        “Come  _ on _ , Kacie!” Lydia said, standing to avoid me after my finger barely touched the pages. “Even  _ you _ should be smarter than that!”

        “Lydia!” Mom exclaimed. “Just give them back to her-”

        “You’re being a brat, Lydia!” I told her as I jumped to my feet while still reaching for the letter. The movement knocked into the table. My juice tipped over into my breakfast and the plate tipped over, throwing food onto me.

        “Lydia,” Mom said, her voice cross. She frowned at my sister. “Give them back to her.” Lydia didn’t move. “ _ Now _ , Lydia.” 

        Lydia huffed as she threw the papers at me. I struggled to catch them before they got into the mess that had been my breakfast. She threw herself down in her chair and began eating again. Mom turned to me with a tired sigh.

        “Go get changed into a clean uniform, Kacie,” Mom said. “Then you’ll have to be on your way to school. It’s almost time to leave.”

        I nodded slowly, making my way to my bedroom. Even after I closed the door, I could hear Mom and Lydia talking while I got dressed. 

        “You’re not seriously going to indulge her, are you?” Lydia demanded. “She’s eleven, she could do well to grow up a little-”

        “You’re not even thirteen yet, and even if you were, I would say the same to you; you would do well to stop acting so grown up,” Mom told her. “You’re still a child. You don’t have to try to grow up so fast.”

        “It’s not like we have a whole lot of money and trying to pay for the school is weighing you down. The least she could do is get her head out of the clouds and work for a scholarship.”

        “Lydia, I don’t want to talk about this right now.” 

        I felt a tingle in my spine, like I’d caught a chill. There was that gritty feeling in my hands again. I roughly wiped my hands on my skirt and pushed the tingling feeling down.  _ Not now, not ever! _

        I pulled off my shirt, shuddering as the chilly air bit into my skin. I debated changing my bra as well, but then decided against it. The food had landed mostly on my stomach and lap. I pulled on a new shirt and skirt before going back out to the dining room. 

        By that point, Mom had already cleaned up the table and Lydia was pulling on her coat, ready to go to school. Mom came from the kitchen and kissed my forehead. “Happy birthday, sweetie,” she said, hugging me tightly. “I’m sorry you didn’t get your breakfast. But maybe you can use this to get something on the way to school.”

        She pressed a couple bills into my palm, but I knew they’d just end up in my pocket. My stomach was twisting too much to eat anymore, anyway. But I nodded, and promised her I’d eat. Then I pulled on my coat and walked out of the house with Lydia. 

        We were several blocks away from the house, halfway to school, by the time the silence broke. I kicked my toes into the sidewalk, my hands deep in my pockets. I frowned. 

        “You’re a menace, Lydia Addams,” I stated, walking several paces behind her.

        “So you and Mum endlessly remind me.” I pretended to not notice how she rolled her eyes at me.

        We didn’t speak again even as we made it to the school. I stopped halfway up the stairs to the building to tug one of my socks up and a group of my classmates ran past me, just about every one of them bumping into me and throwing me off balance. 

        The last person to run past was a rather nasty boy who enjoy tugging at my braids and poking me with forks or pencils and teasing me. His foot caught on my ankle, pulling it out from under me. 

        My eyes widened and I fell backwards, my thoughts, for once, silent. 

        I hit the stairs, skidding town them and tumbling on my side. My ears rang and there was grit - sand?- in my palm as I heard from a distance “ _ Kacie! _ ”

        Then Lydia was in front of me, hand on my cheek, holding onto me, looking me over. And everything quickly zoomed back into focus. 

_         Voices, voices, too many voices. _

_         Loudloudloudloudloudtooloudloudtooloudtooloud. _

        “Oh my god, Mrs. Gartner, she’s bleeding from her head!”

        “Who did this?!”

        “She tripped, ma’am-” 

        “Don’t lie, you rotten little boy! Henry did it, Mrs. Gartner!”

        Lydia continued to give me a worried look as I blinked at her. “Kacie. Kacie, can you hear me?” she questioned. “Are you okay?”

        “Um.” I smacked my lips. My throat was dry. So were my lips. My mouth. “I- Maybe?”

        “Let’s get a look at you, dear,” Mrs. Gartner said, helping Lydia to help me sit up. 

        My socks were torn. There were bits of gravel stuck in my hands. But there was no blood. When Mrs. Gartner pulled her hand away from the back of my head, it came away blood free as well.

        “Well, it must have been a small cut and already started clotting,” she said, standing and helping me do so as well. She turned to the boy who had tripped me. “Henry Buford! To the head mistress’s office, immediately!” She turned back to me and Lydia. “Take her to the nurse so she can get that blood washed out, then head right to class.”

        Lydia nodded and followed her instructions.

        What no one seemed to realize at that particular moment was that another Incident was just added into a growing list of them.

        On March fifth, someone in a rather long, oddly colored robe came by after dinner. Lydia and I had been sent to our rooms, and we were left to sit and stew as Mom talked to them. 

        “I assume you knew I was coming-”

        “Yes, to explain to muggleborn parents-”

        “So you understand what she is?”

        “Yes, her father never liked it-”

        “We understand that-”

        “We tried to keep her out of it, to protect her-”

        “The threat is gone, and it’s not something you can keep her from. It would only do more harm than good-”

        “Yes, I know that now.”

        The woman, a “Professor Sinistra” from what I could hear, disappeared shortly later. But by then, it was time for bed. 

        Later March had Lydia waking up with the ends of her hair tied in knots to her bed posts after she’d called me a freak, black sand scattered on the metal.

        April had me up in a tree after I’d tried to run and hide from Henry and his gang (though after the incident on the stairs, things were mildly better because Mrs. Gartner was scary when she was angry). 

        The buds of the irises growing in the backyard grew rapidly at a mere touch from me in May. June brought about the pencil shards… no one likes to talk about it.

        Everything had been so odd over the past few months, and I didn't have an explanation for it. Nor, it seemed, did anyone else. But Mom seemed to give me long, contemplating looks. She would stare at me, thinking. Not saying a word. Then she’d turn away and go back to whatever she’d been up to in the first place. Maybe that was her being supportive, I tried to tell myself.

        July dawned considerably warm and humid. The day before, I’d been able to call Dee and talk, and for the first time it hit me that my and Lydia’s voices had changed. The accents weren’t like everyone else’s, even in Aberdeen. 

        Their voices were a mix of Scottish and British accents, but Lydia and I still retained a bit of the American way of speaking. We’d never truly be anything but American was the thought I had more often than not.

        I held a fistful of the edge of my tank top in my hand, feet in the grass as I used a hose to spray over the flowers. Mom would have me just leave the hose on the lawn for a while, letting the water soak in, but I didn’t particularly want to stand in  _ mud _ . 

        Lydia came out of the house, backpack slung on her back and sweater tied around her waist. “You coming to the castle or not?” she questioned, putting a hand on her waist and cocking her hip out. 

        I hummed a bit as I looked away from her. “No,” I said softly. “I… think I’ll stick around here.”

        Lydia shrugged. “Suit yourself,” she said as Mom pulled into the driveway. 

        “Off to the tour now?” Mom asked. Lydia nodded. “Alright. But don’t be making plans for the next week.”

        “Why?” Lydia questioned. 

        “We’re going to London,” Mom said simply. “Kacie, would you get the bag from the backseat?”

        I nodded and grabbed the bag, following Mom to the front door. Lydia frowned. “Why’re we going to London?”

        “We have to go get your sister’s school supplies.”

        Lydia let out a loud groan. “Mum, you’re not  _ seriously  _ indulging this fantasy, are you?” she questioned. 

        Mom sighed. “It’s not a fantasy,” she said. “And it’s something that should have been explained a long time ago. But the past cannot be undone, and I don’t regret doing what had to be done to keep my children safe.” Mom sighed again. 

        Without another word, Mom went into the house. I looked at Lydia quizzically. She shrugged. “Who knows what goes on inside her head anymore,” she said. Her shoulders sagged. “But I guess we’re going to London.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kacie gets the Diagon Alley experience. And, quite literally, brings home a new friend.

        In the end, Mom was the one who wrote the acceptance letter to Hogwarts and sent it off, just a day or so before we left for London. In the long run, the flight wasn’t that long. Mom still had to give me my sleeping pills to knock me out for the duration of it, or I probably would have had an anxiety attack.

        We’d learned the hard way when we’d moved to Aberdeen. Me and heights didn’t get along. At all.

        I was still groggy and out of sorts when we arrived at the hotel room Mom had booked for us. It wasn’t large, but pretty cozy. No threat of rats or vermin, but there  _ was  _ a chance of not getting a hot shower because a lot of people liked to shower around the same time and  _ all _ of it would be used up if I didn’t get to it first.

        Not even bothering to change, I fell back to sleep as soon as I laid down on the bed. The sleeping pills my doctor had prescribed for my insomnia kept me asleep and once I was asleep, I could sleep for a dead twelve hours straight. Whenever I eventually woke up, I felt like hell, and it happened every time I took those pills. Which was why, although my doctor gave me enough restoril to last only two weeks, I tended to have them longer because I didn’t like taking them.

        We settled in a couple days before going out to look for the entrance to the place we’d be buying my school supplies. (It still felt surreal. I was a witch. No one had outright said it, not in the house, not since it had been said by Professor Sinistra, but we all knew)

        I was in shorts and a t-shirt, that day. The design of the British flag was splattered like paint on the bottom of it. Lydia had given me a weird look when I came out wearing it, but didn’t question it.

        But we’d been walking around for about two hours. I had my head bent, alternating between looking at the directions Professor Sinistra had left, in case she couldn’t join us and show us the ropes, and up at the street signs and buildings.

        I stopped in front of an old looking pub, a sign of a witch stirring a cauldron was hanging nearby. The bricks were chipped and crumbling, and the paint was peeling so much it looked like it hadn’t been redone in decades.

        “This is the place,” I finally said as Mom and Lydia came to stand on either side of me. The witch in the sign stirred her cauldron and winked at me. I jumped and turned to face Mom and Lydia.

        “This place?” Lydia asked with a scoff. She brushed hair behind her shoulder. “It can’t be. It’s an old, run down pub that’s no longer in use. Everyone around here knows that. And people are giving us weird looks because we’re just standing here looking at it.”

        I turned my head to look around, but Lydia lightly pulled on one of my braids to keep my attention on her. I pulled my braid away and shook my head. “This is it,” I told her stubbornly. “I can feel it.” I looked back up to the witch before turning back to Lydia with a sharp jerk. “And the witch winked!”

        “Sure she did, Kacie.”

        “I’m not lying!”

        Mom placed a hand on my shoulder. “We can’t see everything that you can,” Mom whispered as she pushed the two of us towards the door. “And if you say this is the place, it very well is.”

        Mom pushed open the door and my jaw dropped. Out of everything, I hadn’t expected a pub. To the muggles it was, yes, but I hadn’t thought the entrance to somewhere  _ children _ went to get their school supplies would be a pub.

_         Am I even allowed in here? I’m not old enough to drink. _

        A clear mug flew through the air, landing in an outstretched hand. One of the workers waved his wand and the chairs around a table lifted up as he went around it, mopping up a mess. He waved his wand again and a cloth began wiping down the table as the chairs settled on the floor and pushed themselves in.

        “Wow,” I said breathlessly.

        “It’s impossible,” Lydia stated, holding onto Mom’s shirt. “This shouldn’t be real.”

_         But it is _ , I couldn’t help but think.  _ And it’s… my world. _

        Mom placed a comforting hand on Lydia’s head. Lydia’s mouth downturned into a frown. She leaned around Mom to glare at me. “And I don’t suppose you know where to get your freaky school supplies,” she goaded.

        “Lydia,” Mom warned. Lydia actually looked sorry as Mom looked around the bar. “We’re all new here.” I grabbed Mom’s hand and scooted closer to her as a group of people- wizards- walked by. “And this is her first year. None of us know what we’re doing.”

        Mom’s gaze landed on the bartender carefully cleaning glasses behind the bar. She dragged me and Lydia after her as she marched confidently over to the bar. 

        “Good afternoon, sir,” she said, causing him to look up from his work. The nametag on his shirt simply said “Tom”. 

        “And to you as well, madame,” he replied. “What can I get you today? Butterbeer? Pumpkin juice? Can’t imagine you’d like Firewhiskey with the children.”

        “Actually, we need directions,” Mom told him. She removed her hand from my grasp and place it on my shoulder. “My daughter will be starting school at Hogwarts come September and we’re in need of getting her school supplies.”

        “Right you are.” I pale considerably when he turned his attention to me. “Hello young lady,” he said cheerfully. “I assume you’re the one in question?” I pressed myself closer to Mom’s side, not looking him in the eye but nodding. “And what’s your name?”

        “Kass- Kass- Kace- I- I’m-” I couldn’t get the words out. Mouth dry. Throat parched.  _ I gotta go, have to run. Have to run, runrunrunrunrun- _

        “She’s Kacie,” Lydia piped in irritably. 

        Tom finally looked away from me and I let out a breath of relief. “Quite a shy little thing, isn’t she?” he said to my mother. 

        Mom stiffened, her grip on my shoulder tightening. “Indeed,” she agreed.

        Tom smiled a bit at me then turned to Lydia. “You must be her sister,” he said, leaning on the bar. “And what year are you in?”

        Lydia frowned, not looking at Tom. “I don’t go to Hogwarts,” she said bitterly. “I’m not magic.”

        “Kacie’s the only magic one,” Mom said in an almost whisper. 

        Tom’s brows raised. “Muggleborn?” he asked, and Mom nodded. Tom nodded as well. “The professors must be backed up if they haven’t been able to escort you.”

        I licked my lips and looked back at the paper in my hands. They shook.  _ Why won’t you stop shaking?! _ “I was- I was wonder- Um. Can- Can you- Could you- Is it- Is it possible.” They were all looking at me. I could  _ feel _ their gazes stinging the back of my neck. I shrunk into my shoulders, practically bringing them up to my ears. “Di- Dee- Dia-”

        “Diagon Alley?” Tom offered softly. I looked up meekly, mostly hiding. I gave a sharp, hurried nod.

        “That’s it.”

        “I went to Hogwarts myself,” Tom explained as he led the way to a door in the back of the room. I took Mom’s hand as he led the way. “A Gryffindor, I was.” He scratched the back of his head. “It’s been a good many years since I was there, but I remember it all like it was yesterday.”

        “What- Um. Is it- Er. I- Um. What’s- What’s it li- like?” I asked hopefully.

        He smiled then winked at me as he gestured us through the door into a back alley. “‘Fraid I can’t tell you, lass,” he said. My face fell. “What I meant is, I couldn’t even if I tried. There’s not a single way to describe the castle or the school and do it justice.”

_         A castle? There’s a couple in Aberdeen, but I’ve never actually been to those. Lydia’s gone more than once, though… But it’s not like she went to school in one, or lived in it. I remember Professor Sinistra saying that I’d live there during the school months.  _

_         That’s crazy, right? How am I going to do that?! I had trouble sleeping over at Dee’s because I can’t sleep in a bed that’s not mine. I’m going to end up taking those pills again. Aren’t I? I feel like crap when I do. And if I feel like crap, I’m not going to do well in my classes. And if I don’t do well, they’ll probably kick me out. _

_         But the same thing will happen if I’m too tired, right? If I don’t sleep, I’ll be too tired to perform well and I’ll end up falling asleep or getting sick and missing out on classwork and then I’ll get behind and everyone knows I  don’t catch up well when I get behind so I’ll fail and they’ll kick me out and it’s probably better if I just don’t go so I don’t suffer the embarrassment as the witch who was expelled from Hogwarts because of bad grades. _

        I tugged on Mom’s hand, turning to tell her my exact thoughts about wanting to go to Hogwarts, but Tom beat me to speaking. I closed my mouth and nibbled on my lip nervously.

        “Now, you’re a muggleborn, aren’t you?” he asked as he walked up to the brick wall, touching it briefly as he studied it.

        “Mama, what’s a muggle born?” I whispered. 

        “Your parents are non magic folk,” Tom explained, letting out an excited cry afterwards. “Ah, I found it! You also count as a muggleborn if your grandparents and great-grandparents were muggles. You’re generally considered muggleborn if no one in your family can remember there ever being a witch or wizard in the blood line.”

        “What about someone who’s had their memory erased?” Lydia questioned as Tom tapped his wand to the wall.

        “Well now, I imagine that’s a special case,” he mused. 

        Mom hesitated a moment, looking intently at me before nodding at Tom as the bricks moved and formed an archway. “Yes,” she said. “Kacie’s a muggleborn.”

        Tom nodded to us. “You best be careful in there,” he said, gesturing to Diagon Alley. “It’s filled with all sorts. Mostly the good kind, but some folks are real nasty, particularly about those they consider to have unclean blood.”

        “We’ll be careful,” Mom said, tightening her hold on my hand. “I must thank you for your help.”

        “Of course,” Tom said. “Now, head straight down the street and you’ll get to Gringotts. They’ve got the exchange there, and the help for muggleborns, too.”

        “Yes, of course. Professor Sinistra explained it all to us when she came by.” Mom nodded to him before grabbing onto Lydia’s hand. “Now come on, girls. It’s time we go.”

        I barely looked at anything in the street as we walked down it. The streets were made of cobblestone (it’s such a romantic phrase; cobblestone streets. I love saying it), pale and warm in the sun. It wasn’t too crowded, but still I clung onto Mom to avoid bumping into them. 

        Lydia tore her hand away from Mom and stuck her hands in her pockets. “Geez, Ma, I ain’t a little kid like Kacie,” she grumbled. “I’m thirteen now. Geez.”

        “I don’t want us getting separated, Lydia, so do stick close,” Mom instructed. I looked up as we neared an extremely large white building that looked like it too inspiration from a museum or Greek temples. Considering that a lot of museums, and a lot of important governmental buildings, took inspirations from Greek temples so I wouldn’t be surprised if it was either…

        Mom led the way into the bank, and I felt a chill go down my spine. It was perhaps the nicest place I’d ever entered, and I was more than a little overwhelmed by it. 

        Shining marble made up the floor, gold scales on every gleaming wood desk and crystal  chandeliers hung from the extraordinarily high ceiling. I whimpered at the mere presence of it all. Lydia looked at my quivering form out of the corner of my eye and gave a huff. 

        I stuck my tongue out at her as Mom got in line. She gave us both a heated glare that clearly told us to  _ Knock it off right now, girls _ .

        We turned our attention back to the line before us. 

        “Mom, what are they?” I asked, staring at one of the odd little bankers.

        “Goblins,” Mom explained. “Professor Sinistra explained that they’re the most trustworthy beings to handle money in the wizarding world.”

        “Really?” I asked, not completely sure. They obviously didn’t look like the goblins from  _ The Hobbit _ or  _ The Lord of the Rings _ , or  _ The Black Cauldron _ movie Lydia said I was weird for liking to watch.  _ The Chronicles of Prydain _ weren’t too bad, either. 

        Still didn’t look like the goblins, though. More… human, I guess? Really wrinkled, shorter than me on the average, but with human skin tones of the lighter variety. But they still looked shifty. Their fingers too thin and nimble. Their nails too long and yellow. Their eyes too squinted. 

        I gulped as we made it forward another place. Mom brushed hair out of my face and leaned down to kiss the top of my head. “Why don’t you two go take a seat while I talk things out here?” she offered. “Hmm?”

        I looked over to the line of chairs under the large windows by the doors were. Several witches and wizards sat in them while waiting for whatever they waited for. But the only open seats were right between two wizards. I turned back to Mom and quickly shook my head.

        “I- I think I’m good,” I mumbled, looking down. Mom kissed my head again and we moved up in line. 

        Lydia moved to stand by me so Mom could go talk to the banker. 

        “I would like to set up a bank account under the name Addams,” Mom said.

        I looked up and let out a squeak when the goblin’s eyes landed on me. He turned his attention back fully to Mom. “If you would produce your wand,” he said, holding out his hand. 

        “I- I’m not a witch,” Mom said. “My daughter- she’s muggleborn.”

        The goblin’s eyes drifted slowly back to me and I shivered, clinging even tighter to Mom and using both my hands. 

        “And it would seem she doesn’t have a wand yet,” he seemed to sneer. It was hard to tell, with the way they talked. “As you are not a witch or of magical blood, the account cannot be made under your name. The girl’s?”

        A beat of silence followed and Lydia harshly nudged me. I let out an indigent squawk before turning back to the goblin. I cleared my throat. “Kass- Kassandra Addams,” I mumbled, making Lydia roll her eyes. 

        “Very well,” the goblin said, holding out his wrinkled hand to me. “Without a wand, it will require a bit of blood binding magic.”

        I hesitantly looked to Mom and she nodded. I slowly held out my hand. The goblin took it, none too softly, and pricked it. I didn’t even have time to flinch before there was a bit of blood pooling at the tip of my finger and it was being pressed into a piece of paper. 

        I pulled my hand back quickly once it was let go, holding it tightly to my chest. 

        “Hurts,” I mumbled, though it only for a moment after it’d been pricked. The thought of the pricking hurt worse. Lydia gave me a concerned look and took my hand while Mom continued to do business.

        I zoned out long before they were even halfway through. I know that she set of a good portion of her savings into the new account, and it came out to a considerable amount. Then she withdrew enough to get my school supplies and we left the bank. Even if I hadn’t done nearly  _ any _ of the talking, I felt exhausted.

        “Rather crazy in there,” Lydia said as we exited the bank, crossing her arms behind her head. “Only want people like you in there, eh?”

_         People like me? I’m really something else now. I’m an Addams, but I’m not. Kacie Addams the witch, not… Kacie Addams… whatever the rest of my family is. Muggles. Not the muggle Kacie anymore. Was I ever really? Did I ever really belong there? _

        Mom cut me out of my rambling thoughts before I could go down the rabbit hole by speaking. “What all do we need to get?” she asked. 

        “Robes, books, potion ingredients, note taking utensils,” I rambled off. “And a wand and a pet.” I stopped in front of a shop window, looking inside. I think it was a joke shop of sorts. The racks were filled with all sorts of things I couldn’t name. It was full of bits and bobs. I’d never been one to play pranks, but they all looked so colorful and fun.

        Two boys with freckles and red hair, joined by a darkly colored boy, all ran around the shop before being chased out by the worker inside. I turned back to Mom and Lydia as their laughter filled the street and the door slammed shut behind them.

        I brushed hair behind my ear. “I think I should get my wand first,” I said. “We don’t know if there’ll be somewhere else that’ll need my wand for something.”

        Mom nodded and led the way down the street.

        With people slowly leaving, I parted a little bit from Mom’s side, not sticking to her but also not letting go of her hand. The embarrassment of being an eleven year old who needed to hold her mother’s in public was outweighed by my hate of being around strange people and my need to be grounded. Maybe my need to be grounded?

        The place Mom stopped in front of a shop across the street that was opposite the bank. It was small, cramped. Made of wood that looked like it could do with new paint. The glass window was completely covered with boxes, making me unable to see inside the shop. But painted on the window in gold was the name  _ Ollivander’s _ , with two wands pointing at each other under the name. 

        “I heard Professor Sinistra say that this is the best place to get your wand,” I murmured as Mom walked up to the front door. 

        “Well, at least it’s the easiest to get to,” she said, opening the door. It opened with a creak and a tinkle of a bell.

        “Hello?” Mom called as I broke away. “Is anyone here?”

        The shop reminded me of the little downtown bookshops back home in Idaho. Dusty in feeling and scent, but the papery smell premating the air as well. Everything sort of pushed together without any real room to move, but it was comfortable. 

        I felt more at ease than I had since  _ leaving  _ Nampa.

        A willowy man who looked more wraith than anything appeared. And I am  _ serious _ . He was thin, pale, old, and looked like he’d be transparent if he so wished to go into direct sunlight. He looked like he was part of the dust on the shelves, and if someone took a duster to him too harshly, he might just disintegrate.

        I let out an indignant squeak when he appeared, stumbling back into a table piled high with boxes. I stared at him, wide eyed, and couldn’t hold back my gulp. 

        “And who might you be?” he asked, tilting his head in my direction.

        “Are you Mr. Ollivander?” Mom asked, stepping in front of me to block his view. Lydia huffed as she pulled me to my feet. I turned a deep scarlet as I rubbed my neck. 

        The man met Mom’s eyes and nodded slowly. “Yes, that I am,” he said. He blinked at her, looking like it took an eternity. “I do not recall having ever sold you a wand, madame. You look to be of the Beauvais category.”

        “Oh, no,” Mom said, shaking her head. “I… am not a witch. My daughter- she is. And she needs her first wand.”

        I gulped but pushed past Mom softly. I shakily held my hand out to Mr. Ollivander. “My- My name’s- My name’s- It’s Kassandra. Addams. But, er, um, everyone- they all just call me Kacie.” Mr. Ollivander took my hand and shook it, the feeling leathery and soft at the same time, but firm, and not at all as fragile as I’d thought it would be.

        His voice and soft way of speaking didn’t really scare me so much.

        Mr. Ollivander wandered away, going about the shop and muttering as he went about the aisles.

        “Um. I’m- I’m going to Hogwarts this year,” I said, my fingers tapping against one another. “It’s- It’s my first year. Er. I- I don’t really know what to expect, but I thought getting a wand first would be best because they asked for mine at the bank- Gringotts?- but I didn’t have it yet and who knows where else will need my wand? I suppose it’s some sort of magical identification, then, a wand, which is really interesting. But everyone I heard was saying that Ollivander's is the best place to get your wand, and-” Lydia harshly nudged me and I turned even pinker, looking down at my feet and dropping my hands to my sides, clutching my hands into fists. “Sorry for rambling, sir.”

        Mr. Ollivander chuckled as he returned with a box. “I won’t say that,” he said. “But perhaps, you may decide for yourself.” He placed the box in front of me and pulled out the sleek wand. “Give it a flick,” he instructed at my confused expression. “Wands chose the wizard, but we must know if they are compatible before they are sold.”

        I nodded, albeit still confused, but flicked the wand regardless. It flew out of my hand and embedded itself in the wall. On the other side of the shop. I let out a whine and took a step away.

_         Wands won’t like me. I know it. That one flew away to to get away from me. But if I can’t use a wand, I can’t be a witch, and then I’ll get kicked out of Hogwarts and- _

        “No, not right then,” Mr. Ollivander mused, shifting through the boxes on the table between us until taking another wand out. “Don’t worry, my dear. We’ll find you  _ just  _ the right wand. Some wands are fickle, but it’s nothing to worry about.”

        I nodded and Mr. Ollivander hand me another wand. The process went on, and we went through plenty of wands before Mr. Ollivander handed me one that just seemed to  _ fit _ in my hand. The perfect weight, the perfect texture. It was a pretty wand, carved of what felt like pine or cherry wood. The end near which I held was carved in an elaborate pattern that swirled under my palm. Even before I waved, I could tell it was going to work well for me.

        “It’s beautiful,” I whispered, and Mr. Ollivander nodded for me to go ahead and wave. I flicked my wrist gently, and golden and copper sparks danced to life at the tip of it.

        Mr. Ollivander smiled, his orb like eyes going wide. “That’s the one,” he said when I looked up at him. “The wand has chosen you, Miss Addams.” He took the wand back from me gently, tapping it. “Eleven inches and a quarter inches. Made of dark cherry wood, core of unicorn hair. Reasonably swishy,” he said. He gently pulled on his beard in thought. “Quite a romanticized wand indeed.”

        He handed me the wand back and I held it to my chest gently. I gave him a shy smile that he returned. 

        “Wands with a core of unicorn hair often make the user apt at the study of charms,” he explained. “They also say that they are quite  _ charming _ .” I turned pink at the statement, tugging on one of my braids and twirling the tip around my finger. Mr. Ollivander chuckled. “However, they’re also known to lose their magic after a few years of use.”

        I nodded.  _ That’s- okay. I can handle that. Magic stops working in five years? It’s just… my wand. I’ll just have to get another one. It’s not me. And then I’ll be back to doing magic fine. I’ll be fine. They won’t kick me out for a weak wand or one that stops working. This’ll be fine. _

        “Now, that’ll be seven galleons,” Mr. Ollivander said as he handed me the box my wand had been in. “Then you can be on your way.”

        I quickly placed the wand in the box and shuffled through the small purse hanging from my waist. “The. Um. The galleons are the gold ones?” I asked nervously, holding out seven of the gold coins. 

        “Yes, that’s right.” Mr. Ollivander said. He took the coins with a kind smile and waved at us as I followed Mom to the front door. I gave a meek wave back before running out of the shop. 

        I let out a giggle as I held the box with my wand close to my chest. Lydia came to stand by me, her arms folded and hip jutting out. 

        She lifted an eyebrow. “You’re excited,” she noted. 

        I couldn’t help but smile brightly. “I’ve got a wand! My very own wand! That I can make magic with!” I admit… I  _ may _ have squealed. Lydia rolled her eyes as she knocked into my shoulder. 

        “So, where’re we going next, freaky?”

        I looked at the list of my needed school supplies. “I want to get the robes done and over with,” I stated. Mom nodded and we made our way back down the street toward Madam Malkin’s Robes for All Occasions.

        It was mostly empty when we entered, and Madam Malkin was nice enough. She instructed me to stand on a stood as her flying tape measures measured me. One just kinda floated in front of Lydia’s face until Madam Malkin irritably called it over to get to work. The tape measure flicked Lydia’s nose as it zoomed away, making Lydia’s eyes go wide. We managed to get all my required clothing for the year (three plain sets of black robes, a pointed hat, a pair of dragon hide gloves, and a black winter cloak with silver fastenings) prepared and ready to pick up by the end of our visit to Diagon Alley.

        Flourish and Blotts was next, where we bought all my spell books ( _ The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1 _ by Miranda Goshawk,  _ A History of Magic _ by Bathilda Bagshot,  _ Magical Theory _ by Adalbert Waffling,  _ A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration _ by Emeric Switch,  _ One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi _ by Phyllida Spore,  _ Magical Drafts and Potions _ by Arsenius Jigger,  _ Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them _ by Newt Scamander, and  _ The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection _ by Quentin Trimble), along with a few others like  _ Basic Hexes for the Busy and Vexed  _ and  _ Broken Balls: Where Fortune Turns Foul _ . It was quite a good stop, and I planned to return often if I ever got the chance.

        Potage’s Cauldron Shop was where we bought my size 2 pewter cauldron, and we got my potion ingredients, crystal vials, and brass scales at Slug and Jitters Apothecary. I got my required telescope and an enchanted trunk in Wiseacre’s Wizarding Equipment. The trunk would allow me to pile in more than what a regular trunk would hold, and not be nearly as heavy, but like my wand, it would run out of magic eventually. Meaning I’d have to redo the enchantment (and with that, I’d have to learn how to do it) or buy a new trunk.

        The last thing I needed was the animal. 

        An owl would have been best with their many uses in the wizarding world, but we just didn’t have the place to keep a bird (and Mom didn’t really like them to begin with), and the neighbors would likely give us funny looks for an owl always being by the house. 

        A toad was out of the question, at my own accord. I have always been extremely against reptilian beings. I just… don’t like them. And snakes scare the living daylights out of me.

        So a cat. 

        When I was young, I’d always wanted a cat. But Dad absolutely  _ hated _ cats, so we hadn’t been able to get one. Mom said they weren’t as hard to train as Dad claimed they were, but just like dogs, you  _ had _ to train them or they’d be out of control. 

        None of the animals in Magical Menagerie really caught my attention, and we ended up leaving the shop empty handed. Mom placed a hand on my shoulder as we headed down the street back towards The Leaky Cauldron.

        “We don’t have to get one here,” Mom said. “Or even today. We’ve still got a few days in London, and I’m sure I can find a pet shop here. If not, then there’s a perfectly good one back in Aberdeen.”

        I sighed but nodded. “Yeah, I suppose,” I told her. But then I heard mewling. 

        When I turned to follow the sound, I saw a girl, maybe a year or so older than Lydia, sitting on a spread out blanket. Crawling all over her was several small kittens of several different colors. She picked up one and nuzzled it against her cheek until it stopped fussing so much.

        I broke away from Mom when she met my eyes and beckoned me over wordlessly with only her eyes. Her skin was several shades darker than mine, and her dark hair was tied behind her head with a bandana. 

        “I see you admiring the kittens,” she said, teasing in her thick, accented voice. But not in the mean way Lydia did sometimes. She seemed more amused than anything. 

        I felt my ears turn pink. “Um. Ye-Yeah,” I muttered. She gestured to the empty space on the pale pink blanket. 

        “Well, take a seat,” she said. “You can pet ‘em! These guys love people.”

        Hesitantly, I sat down on the blanket, crossing my legs. A few of the kittens nosed at my legs, and a couple even let me pet them, but they all left rather quickly to join the girl and their siblings. 

        A tiny white one with a single black paw on her back right leg came up to me, looking at me with the brightest green eyes I’d ever seen. She stared into my eyes for several moments before climbing into my lap and rubbing her face into my stomach.

        I let out a giggle and she purred when I ran a hand through her fur. I smiled at her, a bubbly feeling filling up my chest. The kitten pulled away from my hand only to turn around and curl up in my lap, looking to be with no intent of getting up anytime soon.

        “Kacie!” Mom exclaimed as she came over. She frowned at me before turning to the girl. “I’m sorry for my daughter. She just tends to get drawn to animals, especially cute ones-”

        The girl let out a loud, bellowing laugh. “No worries!” she exclaimed. “It ain’t a problem, ma’am. Besides, the kitten seems to like her.” She turned to me with a twinkle in her eye. “You want her?”

        My jaw dropped. “I- Um. Maybe. But- But we don’t- we haven’t got- I don’t have- I can’t pay you for her.”

        “Don’t worry about it,” she told me, reaching over and ruffling my hair. “Mum and Dad told me I had to give all the kittens away today or they were going to a shop. Might as well get this one to someone she’s got a bond with, eh?”

        I looked up at Mom, pleading with her. Mom gave a defeated sigh. “I feel bad about just taking the cat,” she said. “Let me  _ at least _ give you something.”

        The girl pondered for a moment. “Hmm.” She tapped her chin in thought before snapping her fingers. “Couple a sickles and we’ll call it even!” she finally exclaimed. 

        I pulled two sickles out of my purse and handed them over into her outstretched hand before hugging the kitten tightly. She let out a miffed meow but settled against my chest and licked at my chin with her tiny tongue.

        “We should be going now,” Mom said as I stood. “Thank you for your time.”

        “And thank you for your’s!” the girl said with a brilliant grin and a wave as we walked away. 

        I cuddled the kitten the entire walk back to the hotel, Lydia pulling my trunk and all my supplies behind her. 

        “Tell me again why  _ I’m  _ dragging the trunk,” she complained. 

        “Because Kacie ran off before I could make her take her own things, and now she’s got her arms full of kitten.  _ That’s  _ why.”

        Lydia looked at me, and then at the kitten. “What’re you gonna name her anyway?” she questioned. 

        I thought for a minute, biting my tongue. “Mittens,” I finally decided. “Because she’s got that black paw.”

        “Isn’t that a little unoriginal? And she only has the one.”

        “Well, I don’t care if it is or not. I’m eleven and I’m tired, and we’ve been on our feet all day.”

        Lydia threw her free hand up into the air in exasperation, but didn’t comment on my name choice again.

        We arrived at our hotel and I practically fell into my bed after dinner. Mittens curled up against me, drawing all warmth and focus to that one little spot. 

        We’d have to get her a collar, and food bowls, and food itself. But that could wait. 

        I ran my fingers therapeutically through her fur as I just laid there. I looked at the bag I had brought to London as my finger’s stilled in Mitten’s fur. I jumped off the bed and grabbed my pens, notebook, and polaroid camera. 

        I opened the box that held my wand and laid down with the wand on my chest and Mittens curled up next to me. I snapped a picture and it immediately began printing. I tore a piece of lined paper out of the notebook while it did so. 

_         Dear Dee _ , I wrote.  _ I think I’m a witch. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kacie goes to Hogwarts and finds out which house she belongs to, and what that means. It's filled with just as many people as she expected. But probably more.

        We returned to Aberdeen by train. 

        Once home, I snapped pictures of me in my new robes and the hat and of all my school supplies and several of Mittens and sent them off to Dee with the letter telling her exactly what had happened, and how I came to know I was a witch. I also sent her a picture of the acceptance letter I had pinned to my bedroom wall. The envelope was fairly heavy with all the pictures.

        The rest of July and August had me reading most of my school books, and they all seemed more fitting for the fantasy books I read than real life. But too soon, the time came for me to return to London and get on the train to Hogwarts from King’s Cross Station. 

        To say I was nervous would have been an understatement. I was an absolute wreck. Professor Sinistra met me and Mom at a hotel late into evening the thirty-first of August, we had to leave the day before to make it to the train on time.

        After apologizing for leaving us out to dry for our trip to Diagon Alley, she explained how I was supposed to get onto the train.

        “It’s not so tricky to get onto the station,” she said while sitting across from us and drinking a cup of tea. “But it  _ can _ be a bit scary, even for those who have known about it their whole life.” She set her teacup on the table between us. “There’s this wall between station nine and ten. The wall is magic, and it will let you go right through. After that, the train is easy enough to find, but there are station attendants who will be willing to help you if you find yourself lost. I would lead you there myself if I didn’t need to return to Hogwarts and prepare for the school year.”

        Mom stood when Professor Sinistra did. “You’ve been more than helpful, Professor,” she said, shaking her hand. “Thank you for all you’ve done.”

        “Of course, Mrs. Addams,” she said. She nodded to me kindly. “And I’ll see you in class, Kassandra.”

        I nodded numbly as she… aparated, is the word. 

        Mom patted at her pants-  _ trousers _ , I reminded myself,  _ were what they were called in England _ . She turned to me and Lydia. 

        “You two best get to bed,” she said. “We’ve got to get out of here by ten to get to the station and get Kacie onto the train on time.”

        I nodded silently once more, going to my bed. I laid there, unable to sleep, even with Mittens curled up by my neck and Dee’s latest letter wishing me luck in Hogwarts (and a threat that I’d better write even if I was away learning  _ real _ magic).

        I couldn’t recall going to sleep. Only that I was awake when the sun was coming up, just laying in the bed and watching as the sun began shining through the curtains while Mom and Lydia snored on.

        I got out of the bed, grabbing my glasses from the nightstand on the way, and crawled over Mom’s to get to the window. I unlocked it and pushed it open, wincing at the creak it gave. I looked over at Mom, but she only rolled over and kicked out, barely missing my knee. 

        I crawled out of the window and sat with my back to other window pane, the side still closed. I pulled my knees up to my chest and looked out into the distance. The skyscrapers in the distance. 

        The early lull of the first workers going to their jobs, the quiet drum of distance noise filling my ears. I closed my eyes as a breeze brushed past me, playing with the whips of hair that had come free from my braids in the night and tickled my cheeks. 

        As I brushed them behind my ear, I could almost pretend I was back in Idaho. Even a year later, and I still thought of it as home. Idaho was peaceful. In Idaho, I knew what I was doing. I knew people and who I could rely on. Aberdeen? Hogwarts?

        I was alone. 

        A soft mewl came from my side and I opened my eyes and looked down, seeing Mittens there. She nudged my thigh and I smiled as I reached down and scratched her ears. “I guess I’m not so alone with you here, huh?” I said.

        Time was endless as I sat there with my eyes closed. 

        I never like being high up. It scared me more than almost anything. But the fear of falling was the worst part of it. I would inevitably look down, and then in the back of my mind, I’d see the vision of me falling. And I’d just choke. 

        But in the middle of a roof or sitting up against the window like I was, where I couldn’t look down and see the ground, I was fine, and it gave me a chance to breathe.

        Before I knew it, though, there was a knock on the wooden window pane and Lydia poked her head out with a “Breakfast’s here.”

        We left for the train station after we finished eating. With my trunk packed and everything in its place, I was good to go. At the station, I twirled one of my braids as I pushed the cart that had my trunk and Mittens’ yellow carrier on it. 

        “Look. Nine and ten,” Lydia said, point to the numbers. She raised an eyebrow. “How do you know that that phoney professor wasn’t just pulling our leg?” she asked Mom.

        “Don’t call her a phoney, Lydia. She’s a real witch.”

        “A real phoney, Mum. She teaches- what was it, astronomy? What kind of class is that? There weren’t even any maths or languages in Kacie’s course study,” Lydia pointed out. “So really, she can’t be anything more than a phoney, just like the rest of the school. Kacie’s probably gonna go there and end up the best witch out of them all, knowing all the muggle stuff she does from school. At least she’ll come out of it smarter than the bunch and an actual functioning member of society.”

        I brushed my bangs from my face and looked down. “I’m not the only muggleborn,” I muttered.

        “Whatever. Let’s just go, okay?”

        I walked up to the wall between platforms nine and ten and reached my hand out for it. After it went right through, I gave a sigh of relief. At least I wouldn’t be making a fool of myself and running into any walls.

        I took a deep breath and, once I was sure no one was looking, drove my cart through the wall. 

        There were so many people, so much noise. Everyone pushing and shoving and shouting at others. I almost stumbled back through the entryway, and likely would have, had Mom not been there to stop me. She smiled down at me and squeezed my shoulder.

        “Ready?” she asked, and I gave a shaky nod. 

        We walked towards the train until we found an open doorway. Lydia helped me carry my things into an empty car, and we left my trunk and Mittens’ carrier there, but I took Mittens and went to go say goodbye to Mom. 

        I hugged Mittens close to my chest as I stopped in front of Mom, right outside my car, and Mittens gave out a yowl in protest at how tight I was holding her. “Sorry,” I mumbled. I ran my fingers through her fur in apology as I loosened my hold. 

        The fact that I was there, at the station, in touching distance of the train, two minutes until eleven, sunk into my stomach like a heavy rock.  _ I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this. I’ll fail and I’ll be kicked out or worse be too embarrassed to do anything and everything will- _

        “What if I can’t do it?” I asked Mom, my voice quiet. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t cry, because then Mom would take me into her arms and hug me tight while  _ she _ cried, and then I’d ask her if I could just not go and she’d ask me if I was sure and if I said yes like I surely would, then we’d get my trunk and go straight home. But I didn’t know how to control my magic, so I had to go. “I know how much trouble I have…”

        “That’s because you’re a freak,” Lydia stated, crossing her arms.

        Mom sent her a heated look. “Lydia! Be nice to your sister!” she commanded. “Your sister is not a freak. Just- a little different. Everyone has problems. Just because she’s different from us-”

        “Yeah, but even in a school for  _ witches _ she’s gonna be a freak if she doesn’t get that freaking stutter of her’s under control,” Lydia pointed out, the harsh words holding only truth for what she said and little malice. “That she gets up and wanders around in the middle of the night and just the fact she doesn’t  _ sleep _ . And her freaking out around guys- Mum, she’s fine at home because we’re only a bunch of girls and she doesn’t even  _ talk _ to anyone at school and we have a bunch of female teachers. She’s a freak, and everyone’s going to think so.”

        I looked at my feet, closing my eyes tightly and hugging Mittens. She let out a miffed sound, but didn’t struggle in my arms.  _ It’s true, it’s all true. Everything is true. They’re all going to find out just how much of a freak I am and it’s going to be all over for me. I shouldn’t go. I can’t go. I’ll be a freak. I AM a freak. That’s what Lydia’s saying. She’s not wrong. She not wrong. Freakfreakfreakfreakfreakfreak- _

        “Lydia Addams, that is enough!” I jumped at Mom’s shout. She was glaring harshly at Lydia, her face red from anger. “That is  _ enough _ , Lydia,” she snapped. “Kacie is  _ not _ a freak, and you would do well to remember that! She is your  _ sister _ , for Heaven’s sake. Have a little more consideration for her problems.”

_         Problems. Yeah. That’s what they are. They’re a problem. And they’re part of me. A problem. I’m a problem. That’s all I am. That’s all I do, I only cause problems- _

        “Kacie?” I hadn’t even realized that my breathing had begun to become erratic until Mom placed a hand on my shoulder. She used her other hand to tilt up my chin. She brushed her thumb under my eyes even though I wasn’t even crying. “You’ll be okay,” she promised. “You can always write. Any time. And before you know it, it’ll be Christmas and you’ll be coming back home.”

        I nodded, lurching and hugging Mom tightly. “I’ll write, every week,” I promised. 

        “Good girl,” Mom said, kissing my forehead. “Now, you don’t cause your teachers any trouble, alright?” I nodded and Mom hugged me again. “You best hurry now and get to your car.”

        I regretfully pulled away from Mom, giving Lydia a sceptical look. She refused to look at me, instead looking off in the distance. 

        “Don’t be a big baby and cry,” she said stiffly. “Although you probably will anyway.”

        I hesitated before nodding. I backed away a few steps from them, but then turned on my heels and darted away from them before I could start getting sentimental again and be late onto the train. 

        I ran to my car and dropped Mittens onto the seat before opening the window. Mom reached up and met my hand. I held it tightly. She smiled, her eyes watery. 

        “I’ll see you soon, my girl,” she said. “I love you, Kacie. Have fun.”

        I nodded as the train’s horn shrieked. The train began moving and within seconds, our hands were forced apart. I waved at Mom and Lydia until they turned into nothing more than little black dots. 

        I pulled myself back into the car and shut the window. I closed the blinds on the door and made sure it was blocked and no one was getting in. 

        I collapsed onto the ground, my whole chest hurting. My eyes burned, My knee ached. I looked at the trunk, in front of the door to block it. I looked at the window, with countryside passing by. I looked at my lap.

        But it wasn’t until I looked at Mittens that the first tear fell down my cheek. 

        I doubled over, curling into a ball as I sobbed. 

        “I don’t wanna go,” I cried, the words coming out before I could stop them. I wasn’t even thinking about them. “I wanna go back home. I wanna go home.” My arms curled around the back of my neck as I laid on the floor, just crying. “Please, please, please, I wanna go home.”

        By the time a prefect came by the car, my tears were dry and my trunk was put up and I stared out the window blankly,  _ Howl’s Moving Castle _ sitting unopened in my lap. She told me we’d arrive at Hogwarts soon, so I needed to change into my robes. She also told me that I’d have to leave Mittens on the train, but she’d make it up to my room after the feast.

        I nodded slowly, not speaking. She gave me a concerned look, but tuned on her heels and walked away, leaving me to get dressed. 

        The train came to a halt with a shriek and I took a deep breath. Mittens nuzzled into my hand before I shut the door to her carrier. 

        “Well, I suppose I’ll see you soon,” I told her. I pulled my glasses and rubbed at my eyes for a moment before pulling in another deep breath. “Okay. I can do this. Probably. And if I fail, well, I knew it would happen. If I don’t- pleasant surprises.”

        I marched out of the car, my bravado quickly leaving me as I was very quickly reminded that there was many,  _ many _ students in the school.

        “Firs’ yers over here!” a giant of a man shouted, waving his hand. “Firs’ yers over here!”

        I followed a group of other students, the other first years, over to gather around the big man. The others moved away to… somewhere else.

        “That all of ye’?” the man asked. He looked around, and I felt like his black eyes burned into me. I turned away. “A’right then! Down to the docks! Four to a boat!”

        I trailed along the outskirts of the group, biting my lip. I resisted the urge to reach out and pull on one of my braids.  _ Not yet, not yet, not yet, don’t let them know you’re a freak yet- _

        A couple of boys ran past me towards the boats, pushing past everyone. I let out a shriek as I tripped, my feet tangling together. I could just see myself falling and landing in the lake and showing up all sopping wet-

        But then there was a soft hand on my wrist, pulling me up. 

        I blinked with wide eyes at the  _ very  _ pretty girl holding onto my wrist still. Her black hair was long and shining, and her eyes seemed to be as deep as the lake the others were being ushered onto. I gulped as I snapped my wrist away from her, holding it to my chest. 

        “Are you okay?” she asked with a worried furrow of her brows. 

        “Um. I- Er. Um. Ye- Yes. Yeah. Oh. Um. I’m- Okay.” I turned pink and looked down. “Thank- Thank you.”

        “You wanna ride in a boat with me?” she asked. I looked up at her through my bangs. She was smiling. She didn’t  _ seem  _ bothered by my stuttering. She offered out her hand. “I’m Cho Chang.”

        “Kacie,” I said, jumping a bit to hurry and squeeze her hand. “It’s. Um. It’s actually Kassandra but everyone calls me Kacie and it feels kinda weird now when someone calls me Kassandra so you can call me Kacie if you want. Not that you have to, it just something-”

        “Kacie it is then,” Cho said, a giggle behind her words. 

        I return it to her with a meek smile of my own as I pulled my hand away. I trailed after Cho to the boats, and we climbed into one with a couple other girls. At least they weren’t boys. I was freaked out and nervous as it was. 

        I didn’t have much time to dwell on it, however, when the castle came into full view.  _ Castle. _ An actual  _ castle _ . That I would be living in part time for the next seven years. I gripped tightly onto my robes. 

_         Fairy tales aren’t real. The Shire isn’t real. Middle Earth isn’t real. But magic  _ is _ real. _

_         And I’m in the wizarding world now, and it feels like a fairy tale. _

        The boats bumped against a dock in front of a flight of stairs leading into the castle. An aging witch wearing dark green robes and a tall, black pointed hat stood on the stairs. 

        “Thank you, Hagrid,” she said. “I will take them from here.”

        “Right then, Professor McGonagall.” 

        The large man, Hagrid, gave a nod to the professor and went back to the boats. After a moment of none of us moving, she impatiently gestured us after her. 

        Everyone rushed to get out of the boats and follow her into the castle. The hallways were as long as they were tall, and everything was polished to perfection. Professor McGonagall stopped in front of a pair of very large, intricately carved double doors.

        She turned to us, her hands folded stiffly front of her. Stern eyes looked at each and every one of us as she spoke in her steely, no nonsense voice. "Beyond these doors you will be sorted into your houses. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin.” The word  _ Slytherin _ seemed to leave a foul taste on her tongue and her lips scowled around it. She returned to normal very quickly, and I almost thought I might have imagined the look.  “While you are here, your house will be like your family. Your triumphs will earn you points- while any rule breaking and you will lose points.”

        She looked several students in the eye over the top of her glasses and I couldn’t help but fidget, even as her gaze passed right over me and to the boy on my right.

        “You shall be sorted shortly. I suggest you tidy yourselves up," Professor McGonagall said before turning on her heel and entering the room beyond the double doors.

        My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest and I nervously pulled on one of my braids. Strands were falling out all over the place, but I knew I wouldn’t have enough time to undo them and redo them. And even taking them out was a bad idea because my hair frizzed out so much and it was so untameable because of the curls. The only semblance of looking put together with my hair was when I put it into braids.

        Around me, no one else seemed as bothered as I was and they all tittered on about the houses. Then again, these were people who had siblings already in school, or who had parents who went to Hogwarts. I didn't hear anything from another muggleborn.

_         Maybe I am the only one and Lydia was wrong. _

        “Professor McGonagall is just like Macie said! She’s so scary. I don’t want to get on the wrong side of her.”

        “Miriam told me she’s the head of Gryffindor! I don’t think I want someone as scary as she is as my head of house.”

        "My Mum was in Ravenclaw! She's super smart. Don't think I'll make it, though."

        "Avery is a Gryffindor, but Gina is a Hufflepuff. I didn't know they split siblings up! What am I gonna do if I'm not in either of them?!"

        "Hufflepuffs are stupid, who wants to be a Hufflepuff?"

        "Well, Slytherins are evil. What if  _ I _ want to be Hufflepuff?"

        The double doors opened, causing me to jump. Professor McGonagall stood on the other side and gestured for us to follow her. 

        We moved as a group. On the other side of the door, there were four long tables colored red, yellow, blue, and green with many students sitting at each. At the end of the hall was was a dias with two levels. On the highest sat a long table with all the teachers. I spotted Professor Sinistra and gave a sigh of relief. 

        On the first level of the dias was a stool with an old, dirty hat on it. Professor McGonagall stopped us at the bottom of the stairs and went to stand by the hat. There was a beat of silence, then a seam opened and a voice began to sing. Coming from the hat.

        “ _ To those with only eyes _

_ And nothing for a brain _

_ They know not of my aptitude _

_ For they only see the stains _

 

_ A word of advice _

_ From this silly old hat _

_ I know all that's in your mind _

_ No other cap can top that _

 

_ So put me on _

_ See what I know _

_ I’ll get you to your house _

_ Let me put on quite the show _

 

_ There's a place a plenty _

_ In mighty coloured Gryffindor _

_ Where truth and justice will prevail _

_ And see you through the storm _

 

_ Hufflepuff might be your home _

_ If it's a place to belong you seek _

_ An ear to listen and words to say _

_ Narry are they weak _

 

_ A seeker of wits _

_ Must belong to Ravenclaw _

_ For the learning never stops _

_ And to try again if you are wrong _

 

_ Slytherin must be your house _

_ If you search for real friends _

_ Say what you will and wish _

_ In order to meet your ends _

 

_ Ah, but now I've said my piece _

_ And now we're here and done _

_ Put me upon your head _

_ And we'll see where you belong _ !”

        The older students cheered and clapped wildly. A few of the students around me joined in. Professor McGonagall held her hand out and the hall quieted down to a whisper, then a murmur, until it was silent. 

        “Now, when I call your name, come and sit on the stool and I’ll place the hat on your head and you’ll be sorted into your houses,” she said. She unrolled a long piece of parchment. “Abbey, Corrine,” she called. 

        A girl with dark skin and matching hair went up to the stool. Everyone waited with bated breaths as the silence grew like a balloon. Then the Sorting Hat’s seam opened and shouted “SLYTHERIN!”

        The table covered in green cloth cheered and the girl marched over to them with her head held high. Many of the students around me clapped as well and I clapped politely with them. 

        After waiting for the applause to calm down, Professor McGonagall looked back down to her list. “Addams, Kassandra,” she said. 

        My breath caught in my throat and I could barely breathe. I was acutely aware of all the eyes watching me as I shakily made my way to the stool. The silence was deafening. 

        I sat on the stool and flinched when the Sorting Hat’s voice spoke in my head. 

        “ _ Ah, yes. A great wit and desire to learn. Wonderful attributes of a Ravenclaw; you would fit in well. The ability to stand up to your fears… that is a great feat all on its own, as well. If given the chance to mature and develop your talents, I could see you achieving greatness. _ ”

_         I just want to belong. I don’t need to stand out. I just… need to know that I belong here. That this isn’t a mistake. _

        “ _ You wish to belong, eh? _ ” the hat said, its deep voice bellowing in my head. “ _ Of course. I know the perfect place for you, where would help you the most! To grow into your best possible self! I decree- _ ”

        I swallowed my breath.

        “HUFFLEPUFF!”

        I gave a sigh as Professor McGonagall took the hat off my head. I ran over to the yellow covered table, those sitting there cheering. I slumped onto the table as the next student was called forward. 

        “Adenauer, Davina” went to Gryffindor, while “Arnolds, Garret” joined me in Hufflepuff.  “Babineaux, Raguel” when to Ravenclaw, “Beakly, Heather” in Hufflepuff, “Betterson, Aaron” and “Bloxam, Opal” both went to Ravenclaw as well. “Chambers, Melody” went to Slytherin, “Chang, Cho” to Ravenclaw. The Changeling twins, Jennifer and Jonathan, both ended up in Hufflepuff.

        “Charpentier, Silpa” went to Gryffindor, while “Collins, Nathan” went to Slytherin. “Couture, Éowyn” joined Hufflepuff, with “Darrell, Damien” and what  _ could _ have been a sister or cousin or something with exactly no relation “Darrell, Gertrude” both going into Slytherin. “Delorean, Crystal” came to Hufflepuff, “Devine, Michele” and “Eastwood, Cyrus” to Gryffindor, and “Edgecombe, Marietta” to Ravenclaw.

        “Fleming, Clyde” became a Gryffindor while “Forestt, Olivia” became a Slytherin. “Fortier, Abigail” joined Clyde at the table, while “Frankenstein, Célestine” joined Olivia. “Garner, Ethan” and “Greenleaf, Rebecca” both went to Gryffindor, while “Griffith, Samuel” went to Hufflepuff. 

        “Harrell, Bonita”, “Mounce, Earl”, “Phillips, Charles”, “Platt, James”, “Ross, Vidya”, “Solomon, Linos”, and “Trelor, Osborne” all joined the house of Slytherin.  

        Gryffindor gained “Herbert, Hugo”, “Keith, David”, “Mandon, Alexis”, “Woodcock, Carter” along with “Houston, Amanda” and “Stewart, Amanda” as students.

        “Hilton, Emilia”, “Milton, Henry”, “Petit, Tatina”, “Reece, Maxwell”, “Romilly, Bala”, “Rose, Zacharias”, “Smith, Gregory”, “Thornton, Danielle”, and “Thrope, Cyril” sat down with Ravenclaw.

        “Lamar, Lysander”, “McGambert, Lisle”, “McGee, Lawson”, “Short, Brutus”, “Warrick, Samson”, and “Whittle, Estella” joined me as my housemates. 

        After a speech from the headmaster, Professor Dumbledore, food appeared on the tables and everyone around me cheered as they dug into it. 

        “So, ah, what’s up with the coloring?” Estella Whittle asked, leaning her elbows on the table, her chin in her hands. She was- I can’t say standing, really, but she wasn’t sitting either. Her position allowed her to lean over the table more to peer into the face of the boy sitting across from her. Dark brown hair fell over her shoulder from her ponytail and brown eyes blinked owlishly at him. “I don’t think that’s some kind of wizard thing, is it?”

        “I’m albino,” Samuel Griffith said, cutting into his steak calmly. And really, that explained a lot. I hadn’t looked at him straight on for too long, but when I had seen him get sorted, I’d noticed the pale skin and white hair and blood red eyes. I thought my mind had been playing tricks on me again. “Runs in the muggle side of my family. Mum’s albino too.”

        “So you’re a half blood?” Samson Warrick asked. He was practically the exact opposite from Samuel from what I’d seen. Dark hair and eyes, though not as dark of a complexion as Jonathan, the boy sitting several seats away from me and by his sister.

        “Yes. Dad’s the wizard,” Samuel answered.

        “Well, I’m a muggle born,”  Éowyn Couture said from right across from me, tilting her head and smiling brightly. Her dark brown hair was curled in ringlets I was seriously jealous of. They were held out of her face with a butterfly clip to one side. “Though I’d bet anything you’d never guess it!”

        “Are you sure you weren’t just adopted?” Brutus Short asked from her left, Estella sitting on her right. “That doesn’t sound like any muggle name I’ve ever heard.” Unlike what his name suggested, he was taller than the rest of us by several inches, he could have fit in with the third years without anyone noticing, and very willowy. He was also very dark skinned.

        “Well, it doesn’t much sound like a pureblood name either,” Samson said. “I’ve never heard of it.”

        “Yeah, but then again, we’ve got stuffy names like Draco and Lucius and Bellatrix!” Jennifer exclaimed, finally joining in on the conversation. “So if you think about it, Éowyn fits pretty well.”

        I pushed potatoes around on my plate, hesitating before speaking. But eventually, the desire to explain got the better of me. “It’s not,” I mumbled. I didn’t look up, but I could feel when their gaze turned to me. “Not really. It’s from a- a muggle book. The second of  _ The Lord of the Rings _ trilogy,  _ The Two Towers _ . She’s a character who’s a royal, but wants to be a warrior. She ends up being able to go to war despite several things stopping her and she even wins quite a bit…” I looked up to see several of the first years looking at me.

        I let out a gulp and hurriedly looked back to my food. 

        “I might have gotten some of that wrong… It’s been a while since I read the books…”

        “Oh no, you’re completely right,” Éowyn said. She let out a laugh. “My dad’s a big fan of  _ The Lord of the Rings _ ,” she explained. “And he named me. Mum wanted to name me something more  _ normal _ but I’m glad Dad named me Éowyn. It gives me something to aspire to be! And I like the books, too.”

        The conversation continued without me and I shrunk down into my seat and ate slowly, my stomach cramping and not really feeling like it would keep anything down. My foot accidentally nudged the foot of the girl right next to me, Heather Beakly. 

        We both looked up at one another, but she turned away faster than I could, oily blonde hair quickly hiding her face. She reached to push up her glasses, obviously avoiding my gaze and refusing to look my way.

        That did fine to me. I’d be fine. I would have done the same to her. I would have, had I looked away first and not been so confused because she snapped away so fast. 

        Éowyn lightly kicked my leg and I looked up. She was still smiling. “Kassandra, right?” she asked. 

        “Kacie,” I refuted immediately, then I turned red and had to fight to not turn away out of embarrassment. “Um. It’s- It’s just-”  _ Damn it, Kacie, get ahold of your stutter! _ “-I just- I go by Kacie.”

        Éowyn let out a whine. “It’s no fair that you get to have a nickname,” she said. “I  _ like _ my name, but I still think it’s cool when you have a name that can be shortened. You can’t really make a nickname out of a name like  _ Éowyn _ .”

        “Give me a week and I’ll think of something,” Estella said with a wink to Éowyn. 

        “I look forward to it.”

        Slowly, the main course disappeared and dessert slowly began to appear. I ate some jello, hoping it would be easy on my stomach, but couldn’t touch anything else. However Lisle McGambert, a girl with yellow hair and hazy grey eyes sitting on Estella’s other side, reached forward and grabbed the entire bowl of vanilla pudding.

        She delicately stuck her spoon into the bowl and took a bite with a pleased hum. Crystal Delorean, the girl on the other side of Lisle, just shook her head with a bemused snort. Lawson McGee looked mildly miffed as he stared at the bowl. Lysander Lamar just reached for the chocolate pudding, muttering about how he wasn’t actually that fond of chocolate.

        Lisle took no notice of them, instead looking up at me with her orb like eyes. “Did you want some?” she asked, holding out her spoon to me, a large scoop of pudding in it.

        I quickly shook my head and looked away. 

        The tapping of a spoon on a glass drew everyone’s attention and we all turned to the table where the staff sat. Professor Dumbledore gave a nod to Professor McGonagall as she sat her spoon back on the table. He stood and the entire hall quieted. 

        “Now that our stomachs are stuffed and our lips wetted, there’s just a few start of term notices before we send you off to bed,” Professor Dumbledore said, looking out over the entire hall of students. “First years, the Forbidden Forest is strictly prohibited.”

        “Yeah, would think so with the name,” Jennifer muttered, causing Jonathan to kick her, almost audibly. “Nothing ominous about that.”

        “I am once again asked by Mr. Filch to remind all students that using magic between classes in the corridors is strictly forbidden,” Professor Dumbledore continued. “Madame Hooch and the heads of house have asked me to remind everyone that Quidditch trials are to begin the second week of term.”

        “And we’re not allowed on the team yet,” Jennifer grumbled.

        “Most of us don’t even know how to ride a broom yet,” Lysander whispered. 

        “Never mind that, now pay attention,” Estella hissed.

        “Now, before we go off to bed, let’s all sing the school song!” Professor Dumbledore said cheerily. He flicked his wand, and a golden ribbon flew out of the tip, curling in on itself, even as the teachers’ smiles stopped being so bright. “Everyone, pick your favorite tune, and off we go!”

        The golden ribbons twisted and turned until it formed the words to the school song (something I would be eternally grateful for- I had no clue to what the words were for it, and it made it easier on me so I didn’t embarrass myself in front of the entire school).

        “ _ Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, _ _   
_ _ Teach us something please, _ _   
_ _ Whether we be old and bald _ _   
_ _ Or young with scabby knees, _ _   
_ _ Our heads could do with filling _ _   
_ _ With some interesting stuff, _ _   
_ _ For now they’re bare and full of air, _ _   
_ _ Dead flies and bits of fluff, _ _   
_ _ So teach us things worth knowing, _ _   
_ _ Bring back what we’ve forgot, _ _   
_ _ Just do your best, we’ll do the rest, _ _   
_ __ And learn until our brains all rot!”

        The song was sung in different pitches and tunes, some voices making it past the rest. I sang in the same slow, almost melancholy voice I generally did when I was just singing at random and not to a song with an actual beat. 

        Everyone ended at different times, and there were a couple boys over at the Gryffindor table who sang in a slow death march. Entirely unpleasant, though their voices were nice enough. But Professor Dumbledore clapped before waving us off.

        “What a lovely performance. I’ve been thinking of adding in a choir to the curriculum, but then, I wouldn’t wish to take away from Professor Flitwick’s Frog Choir.” He nodded to a rather tiny man before turning back to us. “Now, goodnight, children! And sweet dreams to you all!

        “Alright first years! Follow me!” A tall girl with black hair in a bob cut stood up quickly, clapping her hands together. The prefects for the other houses were doing the same. 

        I followed at the back of the group of first years following the prefect. A boy wearing the same badge as she did joined her as she led the way out of the hall and into the corridor. The Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, and Slytherins all headed off in the same direction, but the two prefects led us down a corridor in the opposite direction. 

        We stopped in front of a painting full of fruit, a large selection of barrels on the other side. But not a door in sight. They looked around, making sure there was no one else around, before turning back to the students. He took out his wand from his sleeve. 

        “What I’m about to show you stays between us,” he told us first years. “It keeps the other houses from getting into our common room.” He turned towards the barrels. “Two from the bottom, the middle of the second row.” He pointed to the indicated barrel with his wand. “You must tap the rhythm of ‘Helga Hufflepuff’ on it to open the door.” He tapped on the barrel and a large round door appeared. He pushed it in before turning back to us. “If you tap the wrong barrel or the incorrect amount of times or out of rhythm, you’ll be drenched in vinegar.”

        “Remember when Beth did that in our first year when trying to show us?” the girl asked with a giggle. The boy rolled his eyes but gestured us through the door.

        “Yes yes, I remember. Stunk up the entire common room with it, too.” I slid past him as quickly as I could when I was herded over to the door to pass through. “Unlike the other houses, our password doesn’t change, so if you remember it, you’ll be set for the next seven years. Just remember that everyone gets tired, so you’re bound to end up soaked in vinegar at least once before you leave the school. The bathrooms have the best soaps to get rid of the smell because of it.”

        The hallway we entered into looked like packed earth, and smelled like it too. I wasn’t sure if it really was, but when I reached out to touch the wall, it felt like it as well. The hallways ended abruptly and we came out into a large, very yellow schemed rounded room. Honestly, everything about it was rounded. 

        The older students broke off from us and headed through the two round wooden doors on the other side of the room. (I was, once again, reminded of the Shire)

        The door to the common room closed as the prefects stepped into the room. They stood in front of us. The girl had her hands on her hips, but was smiling. The boy looked so droopy and had such dark bags under his eyes, he looked like he was about to drop dead asleep any second.

        “Some house rules!” the girl exclaimed. 

        “But first some introductions,” the boy cut in. “I’m Anthony Drewitt. Don’t call me Tony.”

        “Only I get to call him that,” the girl stated, Anthony giving her a glare. She completely ignored him in favor of placing a hand on her chest. “I’m Annie Cobbs. We’re sixth years and the Hufflepuff prefects, as you may have guessed.”

        “First off, we need you to write your birthday down by your name on this piece of parchment. Just find your name, it’s already been written down.” Anthony handed the paper to the nearest first year, along with a quill. As Annie spoke, the scribbling of it on the parchment could be heard.

        “Next, we probably don’t need to remind you but we will anyway, but we don’t make fun of  _ anyone  _ here, for anything,” Annie said crossly, wagging a finger at us. “It is not the Hufflepuff way. We accept  _ everyone _ for who they are. Helga Hufflepuff created this house to accept everyone, which means there are so many different kinds of people in this house.”

        “If we don’t fit in any other house and get stuck in here, doesn’t that just make us a bunch of rejects?” Samson questioned. 

        “Not necessarily,” Anthony stated while folding his arms. The list came to me and I wrote  _ February 7 _ by my name before passing it on. I wondered for a moment about how no one had yet to need to dip it in ink again, but Anthony drew my attention again. “The traits that belong to a Hufflepuff more than the others are kindness, trustworthiness, diligence, and loyalty.”

        “However, it is not just those,” Annie continued. “It’s about your  _ potential _ . The Hat doesn’t place you in your house based on who you are now. The choice is based on which house will bring out the most of your potential, and what will be best for you.”

        “But a house can’t  _ make _ you who you are,” Anthony said. “When it boils down to the very framework of everything, it’s your choices that do that. Hufflepuff is a house where we’ll try to help you make the right ones, but in the end, it all comes down to you.”

        “Which brings us to our next rule,” Annie stated. “You live up to your choices. You made it, now you have to live with the consequences. If you make a mistake, live up to it.”

        “If you see someone in need of help, you tell us,” Anthony told us. “By that I mean you’re worried for their wellbeing, whether they’re sick or they’re hurt. Because we’re a little bit older, we can handle it better. Don’t shoulder that by yourself.”

        “On that note, if you  _ are _ the one hurting, please don’t hold back. It’s not a rule, but you  _ can _ come talk to us if you need to.” I wondered if I was the only one who noticed the pained expression on Annie’s face. 

        Anthony smirked when he looked over each of us, his eyes lingering for several seconds before moving onto the next one. “Now onto the less serious ones,” he claimed. “You play fair, until your opponents aren’t.”

        “If you’re pranked, you prank back. If you prank, always expect a return.”

        “Not caught, didn’t happen.”

        “If you drink the last of the tea, eat the last of the chocolates, or use the last of the yarn, always get more from the storage cabinet and replace it.”

        “And for the sake of Merlin’s beard, don’t just stick a tea bag in an empty kettle, actually  _ make _ the tea,” Anthony groaned with a heavy sigh. 

        “Always respect the house elves,” Annie continued. “They work hard to make sure our food is well prepared and our school is clean and the supplies in our cabinet are always stocked. Be kind.”

        Anthony nodded in agreement. “And that about sums it up- oh. And if you have any food allergies or adversities, you can go tell the house elves in the kitchen. It’s right across the hall. Fruit painting, you tickle the pear.”

        “You just tell us that right off the bat?” Crystal asked, her voice skeptical. 

        “Why not?” Anthony asked her. “It’s not against the rules to go into the kitchen. Actually, it’s rather fun. Just not a lot of people know about it, so they don’t try. But go ahead and use the kitchen whenever, as long as you don’t ruin anything or get in the way of the house elves.”

        Everyone nodded and Annie clapped her hands. “Alright then, everyone,” she said. “We’ve talked your ears off long enough! It’s time to go to bed. Girls on the left door and boys through the right! You’ll know your room when you see it!”

        We all split up and headed for our respective doors when Anthony clear his throat. “One last word of warning,” he said. “First through fourth years are not allowed through the third door on the last Thursday of every month. Mostly for your own safety.”

        “Not safety so much as innocence-”

        “Go to bed, Annie, before you scar them permanently with your insatiable ability to not hold your tongue.”

        Annie let out a huff of laughter but ushered us all into the girl’s portion. Right away, there was a round door with a plaque that read “First Years” on it. Estella opened the door and led the way into the room. 

        Seven beds circled around the room, a trunk on each of them, the pet carriers to each of the respective owners by the trunks. A nightstand for each of us, too, it seemed, with dim, old fashioned lamps on them. A door was on the other side of the room, a bathroom from what I could see through the open door.

        Jennifer let out a shriek at the open carrier on her bed, a wiry black cat already clawing at the quilted comforter on the bed. “Agatha, you mangy cat!” she exclaimed, picking up the cat. Agatha the cat began yowling and growling, clawing and scratching at Jennifer until Jennifer just let her fall to the ground. “And don’t think you’re sleeping with me tonight if you’re going to act like that!”

        Éowyn began undressing and I quickly turned away. Lisle and Crystal were following her lead. I quickly went to my bed and unlocked Mittens’ carrier. She was asleep in the middle of it, but could get out now if she wanted. I quickly pulled my night clothes from my trunk and ran to the bathroom, closing the door behind me before changing. 

        We all may have been girls, but I wasn’t about to be naked in front of them. The thought was… too weird. 

        When I reemerged, after dressing in my night shirt and pants and redoing my braids for bed, everyone else was already ready for bed. Lisle was stretched out on her own and seemed to already be asleep, not even under the covers. Crystal covered her up in her blanket before turning her own down.

        “-and  _ that’s  _ why I no longer like going by anything but Jenna,” Jennifer said with a huff, jumping onto her back and falling backwards, bushy brown hair sprawling out everywhere. Jenna, really, because she didn’t like going by anything else, I guess?

        “Well, we should really be getting to bed anyway,” Éowyn said. “It’s late, and we have class tomorrow. And who knows what’s expected of us on the first day.”

        Everyone grumbled their agreement before crawling into their bed. I reached over and dimmed my lamp until the candle flame went out. I pulled my glasses off and placed them on the nightstand. Mittens curled up under my chin and I rubbed her back.

        “Goodnight, guys,” Jenna said. “Welcome to the next seven years of our existence! I hope we get along, because if we don’t, they’re gonna be a pain in the ass.”

        “If you don’t shut up  _ right now _ I’m gonna be a pain in  _ your _ ass,” Crystal grumbled. 

        “See?  _ That’s  _ what I’m talking about.”

        “Good  _ night _ , Jenna.”

        I stifled a giggle in my pillow and closed my eyes, hoping that I’d go to sleep quickly. The first day was the hardest, people said (some would argue and say it was the first week, but I didn’t want to think about that), and once I went to sleep, it would be over. 

        But sleep didn’t come easy.

        I tossed and turned until, one by one, I heard the others begin to snore softly. It was closing in on midnight by the time I sat up in bed, startling Mittens. She let out an irritated meow, but just curled up under the warm blankets. 

        I pulled them off of me, and pulled my trunk out from under my bed, pulling out  _ Howl’s Moving Castle _ and grabbing my glasses before going into the common room. The fire was still burning, though not as high as it had been earlier. 

        I sat down on the plush yellow couch and opened the book to my bookmark, pushing my glasses up my nose. It would be the third time I’d read it since finding it two years before, but it was a good book. It just settled with me, and felt  _ right _ .

        I curled my knees up to my chest and began reading by firelight. If I wasn’t sleeping, I at least could be doing something useful instead of making me dwell on things that would only mess up my mind.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kacies goes to her first day of school, finding more about her classmates and teachers bit by bit.

        I don’t recall going to sleep, but the next thing I registered was blurrily blinking open my eyes as sunlight spilled into the room, a boy I didn’t know the name of standing before me with a soft smile.

        "It's about time you woke up," he joked, handing me the book that had fallen to the floor in my dozed state (I was far to bodily and mentally exhausted for me to have gotten any rest, so a doze it must have been). "You've only got about half an hour for breakfast before classes start."

        My eyes shot open wide at his words. "No!" I exclaimed, jumping to my feet. "Nonononono. I can’t be late on my first day!” I turned to run towards the girl’s dormitories, skidding to a stop on the wood floor in order to turn around back to the boy. “Uh, um. Than-Thank you for waking me up! I-I'm very, very sorry for causing you trouble! I won't do it again!"

        I dashed into the room, all the beds neatly made and all the other girls gone. Mittens pawed at me as I pulled out my robes and dressed in them and tied on my new yellow and black tie.

        “Not now, Mittens,” I told her, picking her up and setting her on the floor. “I’ll pet you later.” I grabbed my school bag and ran back out to the common room. By the time I got there, the boy was gone. 

        I ended up rushing to the hall from the night before (referred to as the Great Hall by those I heard in passing). As soon as I’d entered, Éowyn waved me over to where all the other first year girls were sitting. 

        “Well, look who finally decided to wake up,” Estella teased, leaning on her palms. “We thought you’d be asleep forever.”

        “Not that any of you tried to wake her up,” Crystal said, taking a bite of one of her sausages. 

        Jenna gave an over exaggerated gasp. “I  _ tried _ ,” she stated. “But  _ someone… _ ” She looked pointedly at Éowyn “told me to let her sleep.”

        Éowyn turned pink. “I didn’t know she’d sleep this long!” she said. Heather lightly tapped my shoulder to get my attention away from the brewing argument. 

        “You should eat something,” she murmured, her voice almost inaudible. “You didn’t eat a lot last night.”

        “She’s right, you know.” The comment came from Lisle, but Lisle herself sounded half asleep and her eyes were closed. If she laid her head down, I would have thought she  _ was _ asleep. But she blinked her eyes open owlishly at me, smiling with a soft hum as she leaned forward and snacked on a piece of bacon.

        I nodded and turned to my breakfast. A poached egg, bacon, sausages, and grilled tomatoes made up the breakfast, along with a strangely orange colored juice. It wasn’t the same bright color as orange juice, but it was definitely orange.

        “That’s pumpkin juice,” Jenna said when she saw me frowning at it. “It’s really good! Don’t know how muggles have ever gone without it. Honestly, I think the pumpkin juice Mum makes is better, but this stuff ain’t so bad for a first timer.”

        “You say that as if you’re a connoisseur,” Éowyn said.

        “Maybe I am,” Jenna replied while sticking out her tongue.

        I picked at my food for several minutes, pushing the tomato to the side of the plate. I nibbled on the bacon, and tried to eat the egg, but it wasn’t going down well. Generally, I would have liked the seasonings on the sausages, but my stomach just churned.

        Heather patted my shoulder lightly when she noticed how pale I’d gone at trying to eat. “Don’t force yourself.”

        The more she talked, even if it was very little, the more I wondered if her voice was even able to make it louder than a whisper. 

        Our head of House and also Herbology teacher, Professor Sprout, came by and passed out our schedules. I took mine tentatively and she moved on quickly.

        “Looks like we’ve got Potions first,” Éowyn said. “With Ravenclaw.”

        Estella groaned. “Tom tells me that Snape is an absolutely  _ horrid _ teacher,” she said. “I hear he once dropped someone’s toad into a potion because they messed up so bad. It ended up killing the toad, from what I hear.”

        “Gossip isn’t very kind,” Lisle mused, humming again while leaning her chin in her hands. 

        Crystal snorted. “And your brother’s a Gryffindor, isn’t he?” she asked. “Snape hates Gryffindors. Everyone knows it. He’s the head of Slytherin.”

        “Snape hates everyone  _ but _ Slytherins,” Jenna said. “Dad said they were at Hogwarts together. Different years, but same time for a few years. Said he wasn’t the nicest after a time and turned pretty bitter. But apparently he was bullied for a while.”

        “Childhood bullying doesn’t excuse bullying yourself. The only thing it’ll do is make more bullies and more bitter children.”

        A bell rang out and everyone rose from their seats. 

        “Off to the dungeons we go,” Jenna said as she pushed herself up off the table.

        “ _ We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz _ ,” Lisle sang softly, her hands swinging at her sides as we headed out of the Great Hall. “ _ Because, because, because of all the wonderful things he does. _ ”

        Éowyn gave a giggle. “I haven’t heard that in so long,” she mused. 

        It grew dark and cold the lower we descended into the dungeons. I rubbed at my arms. Even the thick material of the robes did little to keep away the chill and I pulled nervously on one of my braids. 

        “This is the room,” Estella said, looking at the door she’d stopped in front of. 

        “What are we waiting for then? Let’s go in.” Crystal pushed past us and headed into the classroom, Lisle trailing after her. 

        Without another word, the rest of us entered as well. The boys were already there, as were some of the Ravenclaws. I took a seat at an empty desk to avoid sitting next to a boy, and then therefore likely messing up. 

        I pulled out my parchment, quill, ink, and potions book, setting them up until they looked perfect and functional on my desk in front of me. 

        “Oh wow, that looks so neat!” I jumped and turned to see Cho. She took a seat next to me and gave me a bright smile. “Hi Kacie! How’re you today?”

        I quickly turned back to my things and fidgeted with them, even if I didn’t really move them out of their places. “O-Oh. I’m goo- Fine. I’m fine. Um. Y-You?”

        “Couldn’t sleep last night,” she admitted giddily. “I’ve been looking forward to coming here for years! I’m very excited.”

        I gave her an uneasy smile.  _ How is someone this cheery and happy in the morning? Or, like, at all. _

        The door banged open, making me jump. Everyone collectively turned to see the man known as Professor Snape strut into the classroom, his long black cloak billowing out behind him. He sneered as he made his way to the front of the classroom. 

        “You can put your wands away,” he said as he made his way to his desk. “You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion making.” He spun around and he looked at each of the students with a frown as his cape settled. “There will be no silly wand waving in this class. As there is none of that, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses.... I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach." 

        He whipped out a parchment and began roll calling.

        “Addams.”

        I raised my hand. “He-Here, sir.”

        “Arnolds.”

        “Here.”

        “Babineaux.”

        “Here, sir.”

        And so on and so forth, until he’d finally called out “Whittle” and Estella jumped, knocking into the half asleep Lysander sharing her desk. “Here!” she shouted, and Snape frowned at her. Well, both her and Lysander.

        He sneered. “If you cannot bring yourself to stay away in my class, Miss Whittle, Mister Lamar, then  _ perhaps _ you shouldn’t be in it.”

        “It’s a required course, professor,” Estella said, her hands folded in front of her. “With your attitude, and I’ve known you an all of five minutes, I wouldn’t chose to take this class if I had the choice.”

        “Twenty points from Hufflepuff,” Professor Snape declared, “for talking back to a teacher.” He marched back to his desk. “Well? Get your things out for taking notes!”

        Everyone hurried to get their supplies out and I nervously twisted the feather on my quill as I waited for Professor Snape to start speaking. 

        He explained the potion we’d be doing, a cure for boils, and the proper procedure for weighing the nettles and crushing the snake fangs, and then he set us to work in partners. 

        I worked with Cho at our table, humming as she talked away. Methodically putting the ingredients into the cauldron, mixing it when it said to, raising the heat or lowering it when needed. 

        Cho slowed down in her crushing of the snake fangs. “You’re pretty shy, aren’t you?” she said. 

        I turned pink and focused intently on the scale in front of me. “No- No,” I said quickly. “I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t say that. Just. Um. I don’t- I can’t- Not really- I don’t exactly have a lot to say, is all.” I placed another nettle onto the scale. “And- And I- And I have trouble sometimes and Lydia  _ told _ me I’d be freak if anyone found out and now I’m rambling again.” My words trailed off into a grumbled whisper and I hit my forehead against the table. 

        Cho added the powered fangs to the cauldron. “Why would anyone think you’re a freak-?”

        There was a rather large  _ BOOM! _ and for a second, it didn’t register that it had come from  _ our _ potion. When it did register, it was because bits of the sluggish green potion was burning through my robes and to my skin. The ones that had hit my skin burned and I could just  _ feel _ the boils popping on it. Because my face had been pointed down, it was mostly saved. But the back of my head had not, and the smell of burning hair joined with the scent of exploded potion. 

        I let out a shriek as the pain finally registered in my mind and I stumbled away from the table. I turned to Cho, and she looked just about as well off as I felt. Professor Snape gave a heavy, irritated sigh as he waved his wand. 

        “What a mess,” he complained. “You added the porcupine quills before taking it off the fire, did you?” So it hadn’t been the snake fang dust, from Cho’s look of utter horror. “Idiot girls. Go to the infirmary, the both of you. Get out of my sight.”

        Cho nodded quickly and took my arm as I held the back of my head. I whimpered as she led me into the bright light of the open corridor. 

        “Well, that could have ended better,” Cho said, her voice still cheery. I hummed my agreement and she looked my way. “And for the record, Kacie, I don’t think you’re a freak.”

        I looked at her, my eyes wide. And for the first time, I thought I might be able to call someone my friend.

        Our time in the infirmary wasn’t long. Madame Pomfrey, the head healer, spread a salve on our skin where the boils had broken out and waved her wand to fix our robes and my hair. With so little time left in class, she kept us in there and gave us pumpkin flavored lollies to hold us out until it was time for Charms, which Cho and I also had together. 

        Cho continued to talk as we headed to the Charms classroom (having a bit of a tougher time finding it without someone who knew where they were going- I ended up falling through a trick stair and almost thought I would need to go back to the infirmary for the ache in my knee). 

        Eventually, though, we made it. 

        I sat down behind Heather and Jenna, and Cho sat by me. 

        Both Jenna and Heather turned around. Jenna’s hair looked frizzier than before we’d headed to Charms, but she gave a smile of relief when she saw us. 

        “Glad to see you two weren’t battered up too much,” Jenna said. “Oh hey, we’ve got your bags and stuff!”

        She reached down to the side of her desk and picked up two leather bags. She handed us our things and I hugged my bag tightly, nodding to them gratefully. 

        “We were really worried,” Heather murmured. “That scream sounded really painful.”

        I rubbed at the back of my head, where a rather nasty boil had burst and made a mess of it until Madame Pomfrey had cleaned it up. 

        “It did hurt,” Cho explained. “But Madame Pomfrey fixed us right up and now we’re as good as new!” I nodded along to what Cho said, biting my lip. 

        “That’s good!” Jenna said with a laugh. 

        The sound of someone clearing their throat came from the front of the room and everyone’s gazes turned towards it. A tiny man with a curl on top of his head, Professor Flitwick, stood on a stack of books to see over his desk. 

        “Alright class, please settle down so I can take roll,” Professor Flitwick said. “Now then, here we go…”

        Professor Flitwick took roll, and then began us on the first lesson of the year. 

        “Feels like muggle school,” Éowyn whispered to Estella from the desk on my right. Estella snorted loudly and had to use her hand to cover her mouth, though Professor Flitwick still heard the sound and frowned at her. Éowyn had her hands folded in front of her and a pleasant smile on her face, the perfect look of an angel who could do no wrong.

        After staring at the two for a moment and debating with himself silently, Professor Flitwick moved on and began class. 

        Unlike in Potions, we didn’t begin magic right away. Instead, we took notes then began practicing the wand movement we’d be using for the Levitating Spell-  _ Wingardium Leviosa _ . 

        It seemed like it was going to be easy, but as we soon learned, the precision in the wand’s movement had to be exact. Many of us had to have our positions altered. Brutus had some of the most trouble, trying to use his right hand when I’d seen him use his left hand to take notes. (“Try your left hand,” came my quiet, almost inaudible murmur. He switched hands and the movement looked more fluid when he  _ Swish and flick! _ -ed.)

        Lisle just sat for several moments without doing anything, and when Professor Flitwick asked her why she looked at him confused and simply said “Oh, I forgot.” Her posture and wand movements were the best out of all of ours, when she finally showed Professor Flitwick.

        The bell rang and everyone got up to leave the class. Cho waved as we exited the door, heading to her Herbology class, while I followed the other Hufflepuff girls. 

        Éowyn swung her hands as her side, tilting her head onto her shoulder. “I think I’m going to like that class,” she said happily. 

        “I’ll like it when we start doing more exciting stuff,” Estella groaned. 

        “We have to learn the basics before we can do anything else,” Crystal pointed out. 

        “Hey girls!” Samson led the way as the boys made their way over to us. “So, anyone actually pay attention to where we’re headed?”

        “The History of Magic with Gryffindor,” Heather said. “After lunch, double Defense with Slytherin, and then Herbology, also with Slytherin.”

        “Dad says it’s taught by a ghost,” Jonathan said, hands going into the pockets of his robes. “Won’t that be cool?”

        Samuel shrugged. “That depends on what you classify as cool,” he stated. “Dad’s gone on about how he’s the most boring teacher here. Drones on and on. He made me read all my history books already so I wouldn’t get lost in the droning.”

        Lysander yawned, and I had to suppress a yawn myself at seeing it. “I read them all already, too, but that’s just because I know there’s a chance I’ll fall asleep,” he murmured. 

        Jonathan gave him a worried look. “Are you even going to pass your classes? You’ve fallen asleep in all of them already and it’s only the first day.”

        I honestly was worried too. We only had one more class, and then it was lunch. And he’d slept through them all. I’d been tired during first period, too, and might have fallen asleep if I was a person to do those things, but even by then, I was wide awake. As awake as I ever was, at least. 

        “I’ll be fine, probably,” Lysander said, giving another yawn. 

        Trying to find our way to the class, however, turned out to not go so well. We ended up splitting up to find the class. I trailed after Jenna and Heather, and it seemed only two other groups made it back before us, including a handful of Gryffindors.

        “Well, looks like we’ve got our choice of seats!” Jenna said proudly, hands on her hips. “I even managed to beat Johnny! Hah!”

        Jenna dragged me and Heather over to a rather long desk in the back that had three seats instead of two and sat down between us. 

        “You two have got to be smart,” she said in way of explanation. “You’re both just so quiet! And that means that I  _ definitely _ am going to need your help in this class.”

        “At least to stay awake.”

        Jenna let out a feral growl as Jonathan- Johnny?- bonked her on the back of her head as he walked past. He sat himself down in the desk in front of us, joined by Samuel. He nodded to both me and Heather. 

        “Don’t think I’ve properly introduced myself yet. Jonathan Changeling, Johnny to most,” he said, holding out his hand. Neither Heather or I took it. With a casual shrug he retracted it and used it to hold onto the back of his chair. “Anyway, you might also know me as this thing’s twin and keeper-”

        “You are not my keeper!” Jenna exclaimed, reaching across the desk to smack Johnny. “I don’t need a babysitter-!”

        Johnny laughed as he held his arms up to protect himself. “When you’re acting like a child, you sure seem like you do,” he teased. 

        Jenna growled and went to lunge over the desk, but was stopped by Crystal appearing and grabbing hold of the back of Jenna’s robes. 

        “Seriously, get ahold of yourself,” she said before going off to sit next to Lisle. 

        “Who pissed in her pumpkin juice?” Jenna grumbled as she settled in her seat, crossing her arms petulantly.

        Heather cleared her throat, and all eyes turned to her. “Any- Um. Anyway. I’m- I’m Heather Beakly.” She looked around Jenna at me. “That’s Kacie.”

        “Don’t talk much?” Samuel asked, turning around in his chair to actually look at us. The blood color of his red eyes seemed so intense, I had to look away. I looked at the desk intently and shook my head, the ends of my braids flicking at my shoulders. Out of my peripheral vision, I saw him shrug. “That’s cool. Words aren’t always needed to get the point across.”

        Professor Binns, the ghostly professor, startled in his chair at the front of the room and began class on a wizarding war back in the second century. Everyone hurried to get their note taking things out, but soon lost interest as he continued to drone on in the same tone no matter what he was talking about.

        Lunch couldn’t come soon enough, and I was finally able to eat something, managing to eat and keep my entire lunch down. Defense Against the Dark Arts, or DADA as most of the older students called it, with Slytherin was next.

        The teacher was Professor Willostone, a tall, lively blonde woman who didn’t look at all like she should be teaching the class. Her hair was up in a style that I saw mostly in photos from the 40’s, and her hands looked delicate. She wore a bright smile that seemed out of place for a class called “Defense Against the Dark Arts”.

        The classroom, too, looked exceptionally too cheery for the subject being taught. All the tall windows were wide open, letting in the still warm autumn air, the scent of woodsmoke and coming rain drifting in from outside.

        Right away, as soon as I entered the classroom with the others, I spotted two Slytherin girls getting into a tiff, the others making a semi-circle around them. 

        One girl was pale and freckled and her hair was a bright strawberry blonde; the other had foreign descent, something Asian, and long black hair that almost reached her knees. Even from my spot by the door, I could see her practically glowing golden colored eyes. 

        “I’m warning you, Chambers,” the blonde threatened, “I may be your keeper for the year, but I’m not nearly as nice as your brother.” 

        “You really don’t want to get on the wrong side of me, Ross,” the other said pleasantly, as though she was discussing the weather. 

        Ross marched over to Chambers, grabbing the front of her robes while glaring heatedly. “Listen here, you little-”

        “Now now, ladies.” Professor Willostone gave two sharp claps as she stepped out of her office at the top of the stairs on the other side of the room. “Show a bit of decorum, please. Melody, I expected a little more maturity from you. If you continue to keep this up, I’ll be forced to contact your parents.”

        “Yes, Auntie,” Melody Chambers said, pushing Ross (Vidya, I remembered her from the sorting, now, she’d been very quickly placed in her house, one of the quickest of our entire grade, the only one quicker being Melody herself) away from her. 

        There were murmurs about  _ Auntie? _ going about, but Professor Willostone just tsked her tongue. 

        “It is Professor during class time,” she said. She looked towards the grandfather clock to the side. “Which is as of now.” She gathered us all into a single group and stood in front of us, smiling pleasantly. “Greetings, children. I’m Professor Emma Willostone. And I will be teaching you Defense Against the Dark Arts this year.”

        She began to pace in front of us. 

        “Now, can anyone tell me the most important ability you could have when faced with the Dark Arts?” Several hands went up at her question. She pointed at a boy with dark hair. “Yes, Linos.”

        The boy, Linos, lowered his hand while grinning smugly. “Knowing the right spell set to defeat anyone in a duel,” he answered. 

        Professor Willostone clicked her tongue. “That’s  _ part  _ of it. Anyone else?”

        “Knowing a magic beast’s weakness?” Éowyn guessed. 

        “You’re close too,” Professor Willostone said gleefully. “Anyone else?” I tapped my fingers against my leg. 

_         The right spell set for a duel… knowing a beast’s weakness… what do they have to do with each other? It’s got something to do with fighting.  _

        “What about knowing when to run and when to fight?”

        “No, you dumdum, how has that got anything to do with knowing something’s weakness?”

        “What if you haven’t got something it’s weak to? It’s useless knowledge if you don’t have something.”

_         That’s right. It’s not all about fighting, or even running. If you’re not prepared to fight, you need to run away. But if you’re not prepared for a distraction to get away, you have to stay and fight or you’ll never make it. You need to be prepared for anything. Is that it? _

        I looked at Professor Willostone as she looked on with amusement at my classmates, her arms folded loosely. I wanted to ask, to say it, but I couldn’t make my mouth open and the words come out. Because what if I was wrong? I couldn’t handle the embarrassment. I’d just sink through the floor like the Hogwarts ghosts and disappear if I had the chance instead of dealing with the embarrassment.

        “You’re all very close,” Professor Willostone finally announced. “But it seems no one has come to the answer I was looking for.” Everyone quieted down and looked to her. “You need to be prepared for any given situation. Whether that means fighting or running away. That’s very important when it comes to defending yourself against the dark arts. Draw your wands please.” 

_         I was… right? Really? I… I could had raised my hand and answered and not made an idiot of myself. And yet here I am, feeling even more like an idiot because I  _ didn’t _ raise my hand. _

        She turned on her heels and took several steps away from the class as we all pulled out our wands. Mine felt like it would slip from my grasp with how clammy my palm was.

        “Now, we’ll be learning more another day, but there are times when running simply isn’t an option,” she explained. “In a few years, you’ll be able to learn apparition, the act of disappearing from one place and appearing in another. To the muggleborns, it could be simply explained as ‘teleportation’.” She drew her wand from her sleeve as she turned back to us. “It is our easiest form of escape. However, there will be times when outside forces prevent apparition or using it would allow someone to track us. As such, fighting is always an option we have to keep in the back of our minds.”

        All of a sudden, she’d pointed her wand at a boy from Slytherin and a small spark of purple shocked him. He squeaked and dropped his wand.

        Professor Willostone smiled as she turned to the rest of us. “My second lesson of today: You’ve got to pay attention to your opponent,” she told us. “If you pay close enough attention when you’re stuck in a fight, then you’ll know when they’re about to attack. Defense isn’t just about shooting spells at one another, you’ve got to be aware of everything that’s happening around you.”

        This time, she flicked her wand at Lisle. Lisle waved her wand and a shaky barrier formed between them. The barrier broke and shocked Lisle, but at least she’d been better prepared than the boy. 

        “So, let’s get this started,” Professor Willostone said.

        For the rest of the class, she showed us the wand movement and incantation for a simple blocking spell. Every so often while we practiced and she walked around, she’d use her wand to shoot students to keep them on their feet.

        I eyed her warily every time she neared me and Jenna, who I was practicing with. I would tense my wand and trail off in my incantation. But near the end of class, I noticed the flick of her wrist from the other side of Samson and Lawson. Lawson was thrown back by the force of Samson’s shield spell, and Jenna stepped back to avoid him stumbling into her. Leaving me wide open for the attack.

        Golden sparks flew at me and I closed my eyes tight and held my arms up to protect myself from the attack. There was that sandy feeling in my palms again-

        But nothing happened. I opened my eyes slowly and saw that there was a sheer, light blue barrier around me. I could feel my skin slightly tingling, as if my foot or something had just gone to sleep and I’d moved it.

        But I hadn’t dropped my wand or had my hair go out in every direction like some of the others. I dreaded to think what I would have looked like had I done so.

        I shook in place as Professor Willostone smiled happily and clapped her hands. “Bravo, Kacie!” she said happily. “Good instincts.” I blushed madly at her compliment as the bell rang, signalling the end of class. “Alright, next class remember your textbooks!” she called as we filed out. Everyone groaned. “Don’t be like that, children. I believe in experience as a key factor in learning, but unfortunately I still have things that are needed to be taught through the books since I can’t actually get you to a dragon. And next class, we’ll be talking about the war with Grindelwald and some of his more notorious magic. In a month or so, I might be able to get a guest speaker for the unit if you’re all good.”

        There were some cheers and we all headed out to the green houses. 

        “You know, I’ve never been good with plants,” Jenna mused, hands and bag held behind her head. 

        “Is that because you always tend to dig up the garden, Jennifer?” Melody asked with a lilt in her voice. 

        Jenna growled as Melody passed with a giggle, Johnny having to hold her back physically with his arms around her. 

        “Careful there,” Melody said, turning to look over her shoulder even as she kept walking. “Someone might think you’ve gone a bit… feral.”

        She giggled again and skipped in front of everyone, leaving even her housemates behind in the dust. 

        Estella frowned in Melody’s direction, her arms folded. “Merlin, what a prat. What’s her problem?” she demanded. 

        “Nothing,” Jenna growled, brushing Johnny off. “She’s just an ass, like all those other snobby Slytherins.”

        She walked ahead of us, now in a terribly bad mood, and everyone looked in Johnny’s direction. He rubbed his head while giving a tired sigh. “We’ve lived next to the Chambers for forever and Melody and Jenna have never gotten along,” he admitted. “But beyond that… it’s really not for me to tell. Sorry to leave you hanging, but it seems like Jenna’s probably not gonna give it up anytime soon either.”

        No one really pushed the issue. 

        Professor Sprout greeted us all when we got to the greenhouses with a smile. Plump, with plant parts stuck in her greying hair, but I felt more comfortable in her presence than I had in any of the others. 

        Comfortable enough that, when she asked a question I actually knew the answer to, I raised my hand to answer it, even when no one else did. I ended up stuttering through the entire answer, and turning red from embarrassment. But Professor Sprout gave me an encouraging nod and proud smile when I finished before going on to explain my answer for those who couldn’t follow what I said through all my stuttering. 

        I felt a chill go down my spine part way through the class, and when I looked up, I saw Melody just staring at me. Not smiling, not glaring. Just… staring. I quickly looked away from her and took a step closer to Jenna. 

        Something about the blankness in Melody’s eyes just… freaked me out. I didn’t like it. It scared me worse than being alone with a boy.

        Dinner came after Herbology, and the day was done. There was a bit before we had to be back in our common rooms, but I ended up going back right after I finished eating and started working on my homework for Charms. 

        I was alone for the first bit of me writing my essay, Mittens coming through the door from the girls’ dormitories and curling up on my feet in front of the fire. She purred when I reached down and scratched behind her ears. 

        Slowly other Hufflepuffs joined me in the common room and the rest of the first year girls started sitting around me. Jenna was spread out on the floor, the closest to the fire, her cat Agatha on her back, as she tried to work on her Potions essay. Éowyn looked over Estella’s shoulder while Estella sat in a big plush yellow chair and looked through our history book to read up on what she couldn’t retain during class. Crystal was trying to do the same, but it looked to be a bit hard when Lisle was asleep on her shoulder. Heather sat between me and Jenna and flipped lazily through  _ Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them _ .

_         Did not expect for this to happen _ , I mused as I watched them all discreetly.  _ That they’d all be friends so quickly. And that it looks like they’re trying to include me. _

        As the night wore on, everyone slowly went up to bed and left the common room empty. Éowyn took my book and essay from me and ushered me to my bed as I kept blinking blurrily at the words on the page. 

        I stripped and got into my pajamas, not even caring that I was in the same room as the others while it was dark in the room. I fell onto my bed with a groan, Mittens rubbing her head into my hand before settling onto my stomach. 

        I stared, unblinkingly, at the ceiling for quite some time. My eyes naturally closed, and my thoughts went slow, muddled and quiet like they were muffled by water as I thought about the day behind me, wondering if every day would be like that. 

        I laid there for quite some time, but eventually, I moved from the bed and back into the common room, taking my quilt with me that time, and sitting in front of the fire on the sofa. 

        I didn’t bring my book with me, but instead watched the dancing flames as the fire slowly died.

        My thoughts left me and I zoned out of awareness, the blanket over my mind only leaving with a gentle flick to my forehead. 

        I blinked my eyes rapidly to see Jenna in front of me. Her hands were on her hips and she was already dressed in her school robes, her curly hair as bushy as ever. She cocked out her hip and tilted her head, giving me an amused smile.

        “Well, at least you’re aware the blankets are meant to be used, today,” she teased. “But the bed’s for your use, too, and I know Éowyn dragged you to it last night.”

        I pushed my glasses up my nose and turned away. “Sor-Sorry.”

        “What’re you apologizing for?” she asked, the confusion evident in her voice. She raised an eyebrow but let it fall soon afterwards, shaking her head. “Éowyn let me actually wake you up today, so you can go get dressed and come eat with us before we head out to Transfiguration.” She let out a heavy sigh. “We’ve got it with with Slytherin this morning. Would have been nice to have it with Ravenclaw. You seemed to like Cho, so she seemed like a good one, right?”

        I hummed as I stood, clinging the quilt tighter around me to keep the warmth. I headed to the dormitory, Jenna trailing behind me. Heather was just pulling her hair out of her robes and Éowyn sticking her butterfly pin into her hair as we walked in. Crystal was making her bed. 

        Jenna plopped down on her bed as I uneasily pulled out my robes from my trunk. 

_         You can do this, Kacie. You did it last night. There’s no problem. We’re all girls. It’s fine. Perfectly fine. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. _

        I pulled my nightshirt off and pulled on one of my bras before getting to work on my robes. 

        “Oh, you already started, too?” Éowyn asked, making me jump.

        “Started what?” Jenna asked, looking between the two of us. 

        Crystal heaved a heavy, irritated sigh. “Puberty, you  _ twit _ ,” she said. “Her breasts are already growing in. Doesn’t take long before you start your period.”

        “Mmm hmm,” Éowyn hummed. “Which makes me wonder what kind of hygiene things they’ve got in the wizarding world. I only just barely started needing a bra a couple months ago, so I haven’t really started my period yet, but I don’t really want to stain everything red with blood. I hope they’re more advanced than the muggle things.”

        “With the rest of the stone age things they’ve got here? Even Mum uses muggle pads and tampons instead of wizarding ones.”

        “Did you know they originally made tampons to plug up bullet wounds in World War I?” Heather asked, her voice soft. “It was a random thought to use it for periods.”

        “You know, that actually makes a lot of sense,” Éowyn said, tapping her chin. 

        Jenna groaned as I undid my braids, pulling at her own hair. “All this talk about puberty and periods!” she exclaimed. “Why are we talking about it?!”

        “You’re the one that asked.”

        “You didn’t need to elaborate!”

        “Anyway, we need to get down to breakfast,” Éowyn cut in before there could be a big argument. “Remember! We live up to our choices- if you chose to be unkind now, I can’t promise anything for your futures.”

        Crystal and Jenna looked at one another then shrugged and walked out of the room together, talking a fair bit more civilly than before. I couldn’t help but wonder how long that would last. 

        Éowyn looked at me with a brilliant smile. “Ready to go?”

        I slipped my wand up my sleeve and my bag over my shoulder then responded to her with a nod. She walked by my side as we left to the Great Hall.

        “What have we got today?” Éowyn asked as we joined the others at the table.

        “Transfiguration, first,” Garrett said, pushing up his glasses while studying his schedule. “And we  _ all _ know how well  _ that  _ turned out yesterday.”

        Estella leaned on her palms, her smirk teasing. “Going to behave today, Jen-Jen?”

        “It’s  _ Jenna _ !” Jenna shrieked, causing Estella to laugh. 

        “Anything else we should be aware of?”

        “We have Astronomy tonight, and our first flying class in the afternoon. Um, History of Magic again, it looks like? But Transfiguration is our only class with Slytherin today.”

        I tapped my fingers against the table while nervously biting at my lip and tugging on one of my braids. 

_         I hope that it goes smoother today than it did yesterday. That would be a much needed blessing. _


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kacie's second day does not go better than her first. However, she finds a very special place, and meets someone incredibly kind.

        The second day was not easier than the first.

        Transfiguration with the Slytherins came first, and I sat by Heather in the class, as Johnny forced Jenna down by him.

        I was very glad it wasn’t potions class, both because of Professor Snape’s nasty disposition, and I’d heard that he favored the Slytherins and turned a blind eye when they broke the rules. But McGonagall was different. She didn’t favor anyone.

        Behind us sat two Slytherin boys; Damien Darrell and Earl Mounce.

        A chill went up my spine as Professor McGonagall started class, drawing diagrams and writing notes on the board she wanted us to copy down. I tried to focus on her words, but the hair on the back of my neck kept standing on edge. Whisps that had fallen out of my braids tickled the hemline of my robes, and I reached back to scratch my neck.

        I could hear the boys’ chuckling. I bent my head down and slumped my shoulders, just generally tried to make myself look small as I tried very hard to focus on my notes.

        I dropped my quill and it drew a line down the middle of my page when I felt the tug on my braid.

        I thought of Henry from Aberdeen again. He had always loved to poke fun of my braids and pull on them as he ran past, tripping me and giving me _awful_ headaches.

        But it wasn’t Henry from Aberdeen pulling on my braid. It was a boy who could perform magic, and as I turned to look behind me at the boy pulling it (Earl Mounce, it was, a mousy little boy with ashy blond hair and freckles scattered across his cheeks in a way that made him look like he had whiskers), it wasn’t a hand pulling at my hair, but a wand tucked into one of the loops.

        My eyes had barely gone wide when I felt the heat against my skin and the sand in my palms. Heather screamed, though it sounded muffled and far away. Someone called out “ _Professor McGonagall_!” But I was entirely transfixed on the sparks that sped from my braid and up his wand and hitting his fingers.

        This all happened in very few seconds, mind you, but it felt like an eternity. I only fell back into focus when an angry Professor McGonagall marched over.

        “What is going on here?” she questioned, looking between me and Earl Mounce.

        I pointed at Earl, my eyes wide as I stared at her. “I think he tried to set fire to my hair, Professor,” I said, for the first time in quite a while that I didn’t feel even a tickle of my stutter in the back of my throat.

        Professor McGonagall turned positively red. “Mr. Mounce!” she exclaimed.

        “I- I didn’t do anything of the sort!” he shouted right back.

        “He did so!” Jenna shouted. “Heather saw it!” Heather nodded quickly to attest to her statement.

        Earl growled. “This mudblood-!”

        Professor McGonagall huffed, effectively cutting them off. “We do _not_ speak like that in this class, Mr. Mounce,” she stated sternly. She frowned and her lips made a thin line. “Five points from Slytherin, for actively insulting a fellow classmate. Twenty-five, for open harassment.” She turned to me and I gulped, unconsciously leaning away. “Twenty points to Hufflepuff for Miss Addams keeping her cool.”

        I gawked as she headed back up to the front of the classroom. “Did- Did she just- Did she just make a _pun_?” I questioned.

        “Doesn’t look the type, does she?” Heather whispered, and I nodded my agreement.

        Not a bit. In many sorts, she reminded me of Mrs. Gartner. Tall, greying, and incredibly strict. Mrs. Gartner, though, had shown true and absolute care about her students. I thought I could see the same in Professor McGonagall.

        Class continued on, after Professor McGonagall had Crystal and Lisle move behind us and Damien Darrell and Earl Mounce take their seats in the front of the class so she “could keep an eye on them”.

        She began teaching us how to transfigure toothpicks into needles (handy if you needed to quickly stitch something up but didn’t carry a needle with you). Most of the class didn’t have much luck, as Transfiguration was a form of _exact_ magic. The wrist movement had to be exact. The way the incantation was pronounced had to be exact.

        A very _exact_ form of magic, and my toothpick had only turned a mushy, ugly grey by the time the bell signalling the end of class sounded.

        The rest of my housemates groaned as we exited the classroom with a rather large pile of homework stuffed into our bags. Jenna rubbed at her shoulder and the back of her neck.

        Then she looked at me out of the corner of her eye as I pushed up my glasses and looked over the sheet of questions Professor McGonagall wanted us to look over and answer in our essay.

        “This isn’t… going to become a regular occurrence, is it?” Jenna asked, gesturing to me. I pushed my glasses up again, though they hadn’t fallen down, while I gave her a confused look. “The getting injured thing before lunch. It’s happened two days in a row now.”

        “She’s right, you know,” Estella said. “We might end up having to form the _Kacie Protection Squad_ just to get you through your class periods. Get the guys in on it, too.”

        I quickly shook my head. “N-No,” I murmured. “Pl-Please don’t.”

        Estella shrugged. “Well, you never know.”

        History of Magic went just as it did the day before. Boring, and most of us struggling to stay awake. Well, some of us tried. Lysander just settled down at his desk and Estella joined him, both laying their heads down and going to sleep before the bell had even rung.

        Even Éowyn ended up falling asleep on her folded arms half way through the lesson (looking like the perfect version of Sleeping Beauty while she was at it, too). I’m pretty sure the only reason I _didn’t_ fall asleep was because of the troubles I had in doing so anyway. At least I got to sit next to Heather and Jenna. Jenna fell asleep at the beginning of class, and Heather passed me notes throughout the duration. Notes, at least, were easier because you couldn’t very well stutter on paper.

        Heather let out a snort with a comment I made on the paper, and quickly went to looking like she was taking notes as she scribbled on the parchment we passed back and forth. She looked at me and grinned brightly, her eyes sparkling over Jenna’s sleeping form.

        The thumping in my heart sounded to the word _friend_.

        The class I least, least, _least_ looked forward to came after History of Magic: flying.

        The others babbled on as we headed out to the field, but it all felt like cotton balls in my ears drowning out everything but the beating of my own heart.

        I felt a hand close around my own and flinched, instinctively moving to pull it away. The hand only tightened and I zoned back in. Jenna was at my side, talking to Éowyn, but not looking at me, instead facing forward.

        I studied our joined hands, and noticed just how pale I was compared to her darker skin. I wondered what kind of ethnicity she had in her to get that color, to get that frizzy, curly hair.

        Jenna cocked her head in my direction while everyone else moved on ahead of us, running and cheering in the sunlight. Heather was the only other one to stay back, but even she was ahead of us, standing at the top stair and brushing blonde hair behind her ear.

        “You might be able to fool everyone else,” Jenna said, “but I can hear your heartbeat. You’re pretty nervous, right? You seem to get like that a lot.” I shakily nodded and Jenna held up our combined hands. “It’s not like I understand it or anything, but. Well, right here? You can hold this if you end up needing to, ‘kay?”

        I gulped. “Ri-Right.”

        “Hey, Kacie, Jenna!”

        Jenna and I walked out of the school and into the sunshine, and I pulled my clammy hand away when I spotted Cho.

        “You just get done with the flying class?” Jenna asked, and Cho nodded excitedly.

        “Yeah!” she said. “I thought it was super fun. The broomsticks aren’t the most comfortable, but once you’re in the air and on the breeze- it’s the best feeling in the world! It’s like you’re free!”

        Jenna looked longingly at the Quidditch (a wizard sport I wasn’t terribly interested in, but Johnny and Samuel had gotten into a friendly spat over which team was the best, in turn causing a more heated but well thought out argument between Jenna and Johnny) field.

        “Too bad we can’t play Quidditch for another year,” she said mournfully.

        “Is it hard?” I murmured, holding my bag close to my chest and pulling on one of my braids. “Flying?”

        Cho looked at me with wide eyes. “No!” she exclaimed immediately, then cringed. “Well, slightly,” she amended. “But I’m sure that you’ll get the hang of it in no time! It’s easier than potions, at least I’d say.” The bell rang and Cho let out a shriek. “Oh no, I’m _late_! Merlin’s- Oh, Professor Snape is going to have my _hide_. Bye, Jenna, bye Kacie, bye Heather! See you later!”

        “Bye Cho!” Jenna called, waving wildly. I waved as well, though kept my hand lower.

        I took a deep breath.

        It would be fine, right?

 _Wrong._ Wrong, wrong, _very wrong_.

        After Madam Hooch’s whole spiel of “Step up to the right side of your broom! Hold out your left hand and say _up_!” was over, everyone did as instructed. I, however, ended up having to pick up the broom. Everytime I’d tried to command the broom to fly to my hand, it had only stayed on the ground and shaken. Barely moved.

        My hands had shook as Madam Hooch walked down the two rows of students, correcting our hand placements. They felt clammy as she told us to mount the brooms and grip it tightly. I’m pretty sure my knuckles were white from how tight I gripped the broom.

        And then we… kicked off. Which was literally everything went wrong.

        My feet connected with the grass, and I zoomed into the air, much higher than the others. My eyes bulged out of their sockets as I stared at the ground and the others so far away from me.

        “Kacie!” Heather screeched. I closed my eyes and held onto the broom tightly.

        “Miss Addams! Get down her right now!” Madam Hooch exclaimed.

        “I- I can’t!” I sobbed. _Ithurtsithurtithurts. I wanna get down. I can’t breathe. Mom. Mommy. Help me. I can’t. I can’t. Ican’tIcan’tIcan’tIcan’t._

        “Deep breaths, girl, deep breaths.” The voice was hoarse from age. A warm hand rubbed at my back. “Good. I’ve got you. Come on down now.”

        It was only once my feet had touched the ground that I noticed it had been Madam Hooch who had gone up to get me. She patted my back once more as I stumbled away from the broom, letting it fall to the ground. Everyone else touched to the ground.

        “I’ll speak to Professor Sprout about your options on what to do during this class,” Madam Hooch said. She squeezed my shoulder tightly as tears slipped from the corners of my eyes. “You’re not the first student to come into this class afraid of heights, and you won’t be the last. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We have things in place for when these events happen. Come along, let’s see if Madam Pomfrey has any Drought of Peace in stock right now.”

        Madam Hooch brought me to the infirmary, with me still shaking and still crying, and Madam Pomfrey took one look at me and ushered me to one of the beds. Madam Hooch explained what had happened and Madam Pomfrey rushed to my side. She pushed a deep purple potion into my hand and ordered me to drink it.

        The potion that had the feeling of silk as it went down my throat. My mind fogged over for a moment, before clearing completely and the weight on my chest lifted. I finally felt like I could breathe.

        I looked at the potion vial as Madam Pomfrey took it away. If I were anyone else, I would have imagined getting addicted to it. I didn’t feel anxious, or nervous, or scared. Of anything. I could have likely walked into Professor Snape’s classroom and looked him in the eye and said some rather unfriendly things about the way he treated his students, much like the outspoken Estella was.

        But I didn’t. Madam Pomfrey told me to stay put and she went back into her office.

        So I sat in the infirmary alone for some time while waiting for the period to be over, sitting on the edge of a bed and kicking my feet back and forth while looking through my potions book, the tip of a feathered quill in my mouth.

        I crossed my ankles and dipped my quill in ink before scratching on a piece of parchment I had laying out in the book. I flipped through a couple more pages, careful not to smear my ink, before settling back on the page that talked about the Draught of Peace. It was a potion meant for older students to learn, and it simply talked about the similarities between the Draught of Peace and Draught of Sleep, and how easy it was to mix them up.

        It referenced some of the ingredients needed to make the potion and I marked those down on my parchment.

        The doors to the infirmary burst open, moments after the bell rang and as I was putting my things back in my bag. I whirled around just as Jenna, Heather, Éowyn, and Estella ran in. Crystal and Lisle followed them in, but they trailed behind slowly.

        “Kacie!” Jenna and Éowyn exclaimed.

        Éowyn jumped onto the bed and wrapped her arms around me. Had I not had the Draught of Peace still running through me, I would have likely pushed her away and curled in on myself. But with the potion still there, I felt mildly _okay_.

        “We were _so_ worried!” Éowyn exclaimed, pulling away and holding onto my shoulders. “Madam Hooch wouldn’t let us leave the field to come check on you until class was over but you just looked so scared and we just wanted to make sure you were okay-”

        “You _are_ okay, right?” Jenna cut in, almost pushing Éowyn out of the way in order to stand in front of me. “You’re not hurt or anything?”

        I shook my head and managed a smile. “I was just freaked out,” I said, tilting my head and closing my eyes with my smile. “Madam Pomfrey gave me a Draught of Peace, so I feel okay now!”

        Heather heaved a sigh and let her forehead drop on my shoulder. “Thank goodness,” she murmured.

        Estella cleared her throat loudly, drawing attention to her. She casually held her arms behind her head. She was smirking, her lips curved naturally. “Come on, guys,” she said. “You’re going to crowd her. Back off a bit.”

        Everyone took a couple steps back hurriedly and I shouldered my bag.

        Crystal looked around the group before shaking her head. “Well, now that we’ve all figured out that Kacie’s alright, _I’m_ going to go get food. The rest of you can do whatever you’d like, but I’m hungry.”

        Crystal turned on her heels and Lisle seemed to float after her. “Do you think they’ll have biscuits, Crysie?”

        “I really don’t know, Lisle.”

        “We should go get food, too,” Heather murmured, tugging on Jenna’s sleeve.

        “Yeah,” Jenna agreed.

        I rubbed a piece of my sleeve between my fingers. “I… think I’m going to eat in the kitchen,” I murmured. “Um. I don’t want to potion to wear off while I’m eating and get freaked out around so many people…”

        “Do people scare you?” Éowyn asked.

        I tugged on one of my braids. “It’s… more nervous,” I explained in a whisper.

        “You sure you don’t want us to go with you?” Jenna asked.

        I shook my head, forcing a smile. “I’ll be fine,” I promised. “It’ll be best if there isn’t really anyone around. I just need some alone time for now, until I can adjust to others again.”

        Without another word or argument against me being alone, I left the infirmary and headed back towards the Hufflepuff common room, standing in front of the painting across the hall.

        I reached my hand out but hesitated several times.

        “What did Annie say?” I murmured. “Tickle the pear…?”

        I reached out for the green pear in the corner of the painting and experimentally tickled it. It let out a high, childish giggle before the painting popped off the wall a bit. I curled my fingers around the edge and pulled the door open.

        I climbed through the wall and slowly made my way down the darkened hall.

        The kitchen wasn’t quite what I expected, though I wasn’t really sure what to expect. Several wood stoves dotted the one wall, and several wooden tables lined the middle of the large room. In the back corner by the fireplace, there was a large table with chairs around it. And scurrying all around were funny little creatures that looked… _similar_ to the goblins at Gringotts, but smaller. Their ears were pointed, their skin less wrinkled. And they all wore Hogwarts towels.

        “Ah! Is the young miss here for some lunch? How can Milsy help the miss?” A creature- seeming female, maybe?- came up to me. Its eyes were round and orb like, a pale grey surrounding large irises.

        “Uh. Um. Yes.” I cleared my throat in my hand. “Lunch would be- it would be wonderful, thank you.”

        The creature, Milsy, led me to the table in the back, disappearing and soon returning with a plate of food and a glass of pumpkin juice.

        Before it could leave, I called out. “Um. Excuse me. Pardon me. I don’t mean to be rude… but… what are you?”

        “Milsy is a house elf, miss!” the creature exclaimed, and I was sure she was female. “Milsy works in the kitchens and helps clean the Hogwarts school for Professor Dumbledore, miss!”

        “Um, actually, my name is Kassanda Addams-”

        “Miss Addams?”

        “Um, no, I don’t think-”

        “Miss Kassandra?”

        “No, really, there’s no need for the miss, just Kacie is fine-”

        “Milsy will do as Miss Kacie wishes!” Milsy stated, seeming proud of herself. “Does Miss Kacie need anything else?”

        I quickly shook my head. “N-No. I’m good. Thank you. For everything. Um. I’ll just- I’ll eat and get out of your way!”

        I quickly turned away and began eating my food. It was very good, as was all the food at Hogwarts. I slowed down in my eating after Milsy left. I pushed my food to the side and pulled out my parchment and ink well again, getting a clean page.

        I dipped the pen into the ink and sat it on the page, taking a deep breath before I began writing.

_Dear Mom,_

_It’s only been two days, and things are already crazy. Everything’s just so… different. It feels like I’ve stepped into a completely different world. Though, I suppose I have. Seeing as I’m a witch… a real… live… witch._

_Anyway, I was sorted into Hufflepuff. But I should explain about that, shouldn’t I? Hogwarts has four houses. Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Apparently they’re named after the founders of Hogwarts, but I haven’t done a whole lot of research on it yet. I still need to get to the library (which I hear_ _very_ _good rumors about, saying it’s quite large). Anyway, I was sorted into Hufflepuff, the house of the honey badger. The ties are yellow and black, and everything in the common room is some shade of honeyed yellow, shiney black accents everywhere. It’s very cozy, and right across the hall from the kitchens._

_Six other girls were sorted into Hufflepuff with me, and I share a dorm with them. Jennifer Changeling- she goes by Jenna, Heather Beakly, Éowyn (like Lord of the Rings!) Couture, Estella Whittle, Crystal Delorean, and Lisle McGambert. They’re all fairly nice, I suppose. But I’m worried. I don’t… want them to think I’m weird or something because of… the anxiety thing. Or the insomnia. Or the stutter. Or just- everything. I haven’t slept the last two nights, I just ended up zoning out all night. And they’ve all already made friends with each other. It’s only the second day. How do you even do that?_

_Classes are going fine as well, I suppose. There’s only one class I haven’t had yet, Astronomy, but I have that at midnight tonight. I’ll let you know how that goes in my next letter. My Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Willostone, tells me I’m a natural in her class, but I don’t feel it. I can’t imagine it at all. I don’t really like Professor Snape, or the class he teaches, Potions. He’s pretty awful, I think._

_I should also probably let you know I’ve already been in the infirmary twice. Nothing to really worry about, because I’m fine now. But the first time was because the potion a girl from Ravenclaw, Cho Chang, and I were working on blew up. I ended up covered in boils… The nurse- they call them healers, here-, Madam Pomfrey, fixed me right up in the infirmary and I don’t even have scars. The second time was because I freaked out about being on a broom… I got too high and started having an attack…_

_I’m… fine? Probably. I don’t like it, but I feel a little bit better now. Madam Hooch, the flying instructor, told me I didn’t have to continue with the class, and they’ll find something else for me to do during that time. I’m not sure what it is yet, though._

_I don’t think I have anything else to let you know about, but I hope you and Lydia are doing okay. I’ll write again soon!_

_Love, Kacie_

        I blew gently on the ink to help it dry. After patting several letters and making sure it was, I folded it and placed it in an envelope, addressing it to my mother. I looked around and spotted Milsy a moment later. She hopped over to me when she noticed me looking.

        “Is there something Milsy can help Miss Kacie with?” she inquired.

        I bit my lip before nodding. “Could you tell me how to get to the Owlery from here?” I asked. I’d heard some students talking about it, how students could use the school owls to send letters if they didn’t have their own.

        Misly grinned brightly and snapped her fingers. In her hand appeared a worn parchment. She handed pulled me back towards the table and laid it out. She pointed to where we were and was extremely helpful in pointing out where the Owlery was and the quickest way to get there.

        She pressed the map into my hands as I headed for the door. “Miss Kacie only need ask Milsy if she need anything!” she exclaimed.

        “Yes. Um. Thanks. Milsy.” I stuck the map in my pocket and brushed wisps of hair out of my face. “I’ll do that. Thank you.” Milsy went back to work and I left the kitchens.

        I stopped at the Hufflepuff common room and changed out of my school uniform, having the afternoon off from any classes until Astronomy later that night. Once I entered the dorm room, Mittens nipped at my heels until I filled her bowl. I sat on the floor and scratched her back until she finished. Then I wandered the halls with her on my heels until I found the Owlery.

        I found a tawny owl that looked like some of the ones around Aberdeen.

        I hesitantly reached out for the owl, and once my hand was in range, it nuzzled the top of its head into my palm. I cooed slightly, and it cooed back. I pulled a piece of twine out of my back pocket and tied the letter to its leg.

        “That’s to go to my mother, in Aberdeen,” I said. “Though, you’re magic, and probably know that already. And you’ll probably find her no problem… Magic is really amazing.”

        I pulled a hanging piece of leather from a rafter and draped it over my arm, holding it out for the owl like I’d seen in a movie once, though it’d been a hawk then. The owl jumped onto my arm, nevertheless, and I walked it over to the window.

        I lifted my arm and it flew off without a look back.

        Mittens jumped up onto the window ledge and meowed. I pulled the leather off and scratched her chin. “You’re a good girl,” I murmured before picking her up. I placed the leather back in its spot then headed out of the castle.

        I hadn’t really had a chance to examine much outside of my classes and Great Hall during meal time, and there were two things I’d exceptionally wanted to do- find the library, and explore the grounds.

        I didn’t handle the cold well, so I knew I wasn’t going to want to go outside once winter set in, and then I’d have plenty of time to spend in the library or by the Hufflepuff fire. With a book.

        So exploring it was, then.

        I set Mittens down once we were outside and she twisted around my feet as I walked, tripping me up a couple times, but she generally kept pace with me just enough to prevent me from doing so.

        With no particular destination in mind, I just went straight from the exit I’d taken. My brown messenger bag thumped against my leg with every step, and I grabbed onto the strap that went across my chest, rubbing my hand up and down it a couple of times.

        I stopped at the edge of the tree line. Looking in, I could tell it was day time, but it was rather darker than outside the trees. Drastically, even. And I couldn’t see very far into the density of the trees, though there was a dark dirt path several feet in.

        “Come on, Mittens,” I said, looking down at my cat. “Do you want me to carry you?” She was still just a small kitten. She rubbed against my leg and I leaned down, picking her up, before venturing into the trees.

        I climbed over sticks and through the grass until I got to the path, following it to the right. I kept the distant school in sight as I walked, never going away from the path for more than moment in order to do so.

        Mittens began fidgeting in my arms, batting at a rather large, glimmering butterfly until I sat her on the ground. She jumped and batted the butterfly some more, then took after it as it started flying away.

        “Mittens!” I exclaimed, running after her.

        She was still on the path, but the school went out of sight behind me very quickly as Mittens led me further and further into the forest.

        “Mittens!” I cried out, squeezing between two trees in an attempt to take a shortcut to get to her. “You silly cat! Get back here!” I stumbled over a tree root and ran into a bush, the thorns cutting into my arm, though not badly.

        The butterfly flew high into a tree, disappearing from view. Mitten growled miserably from the base of the tree and I leaned over, my hands on my knees, as I heaved in deep breaths.

        “You… darn… cat…” I muttered, scooping her up into my arms. “What on Earth… possessed you… you to run off like that?”

        I stood up and look around, my eyes going wide and my mouth dry. It was considerably darker than it had been at the edge of the forest, drastically darker. I didn’t recognize my surroundings, nor could I see the castle. The path branched off in several directions, too, and I couldn’t tell which way we’d come from.

        I gulped as I turned around in place, feeling highly disoriented.

        I whimpered, hugging Mittens tightly. “This… This isn’t good, Mittens,” I said. “I think this is the Forbidden Forest…”

        The Draught of Peace had worn off long ago, but I could feel the full effects of its loss in that moment. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe, no matter how much air I sucked in.

        I caught sight of a glimpse of bright light, and immediately wanted to start heading towards it. But I’d read some of Lydia’s horror stories, some of her crime novels and mysteries. And I knew that the saving grace was likely only an illusion, and if I ignored it, and didn’t go towards it, if I let it be, it would go away. I would be fine.

        I stared at it, not moving, barely breathing. But the light didn’t flicker and leave. It didn’t move. I looked down to Mittens and ran my fingers through her fur.

        “Well- Well. Er. Um. Maybe- Maybe it won’t be so bad?” I muttered. I reached to my waist and made sure the buckles on my messenger bag were secure. Then I tightened my grip on Mittens and made my way towards the light.

        I pushed aside a lush bush and my eyes widened at the clearing in front of me. The trees parted overhead, letting in the still bright sunlight. The grass was lush and green and the flowers that bloomed along the edges were over large and brightly colored.

        Leaning over one of said flowers was a creature I’d never thought I’d see.

        From the top up, it was a man. His body browned from the sun, marks upon his arms and torso from scars. His long hair was a white-blond such as I’d never seen before, and fell much longer than mine. It looked liked silk, smooth to the touch. It covered his face as he leaned down, so I couldn’t see it, but he murmured to the flowers, and his voice sounded like I’d imagine warm honey, if it were a noise. That sounds weird, doesn’t it?

        But from the waist down… it was all horse. A white stallion, with a tail that flicked occasionally when he hummed. One of his back hooves kicked at the grass in time with his tail.

        I leaned forward a bit more, pushing the branches out of my way to get a better view. “Centaur…” I whispered. I can’t be sure if it was my words, or if it were the branch that broke that alerted the centaur to my presence.

        But he turned quickly, and I jumped at his sudden movement, jumping back into the darker part of the forest and standing with my back against a tree.

        I held my breath and closed my eyes tight as I wished for him to ignore me. I’d read Greek mythology- I knew more than anyone about it in my class back in America- and I seriously did not want to deal with one, if they were anything like they were in Greek mythology.

        “There is no use hiding,” the centaur said, and I could hear the soft clop of his hooves in the grass as he ventured closer. “I already know you are there, little foal.”

        The red behind my lids went black and I opened my eyes. The centaur stood over me, intimidating in height, and I let out a small squeak.

        “Are- Are you talking about me?” I squeaked.

        The centaur tilted his head. “There is no need to fear,” he said instead of directly answering my question. “Centaurs do not harm foals.” I gulped, but nodded my head. “But for what reason are you here? Humans do not venture this far into the forest.”

        I gulped again. “My- My cat ran away from me and- and I chased- I chased her here but- but I got lost and- and I’m sorry!” I flinched and pressed my back closer to the tree until I felt the bark digging into my back and bare arms.

        The centaur stood to full height and looked around for a moment. “Stay in the clearing,” he ordered, then he turned and ran off.

        I almost slipped down the tree at the relief of no longer being towered over, but then I was still scared of the repercussions of not listening to the centaur.

_Who knows what’ll happen to me if I venture further into the forest and get even more lost? Maybe they’ll be kind if I be good?_

        I slowly pulled myself away from the tree, having to untangle my hair from a piece of bark, and made my way hesitantly into the clearing. I settled in the middle, keeping Mittens in my lap even as she batted at my arms and tried to run away from me again.

        I pulled and twisted at one of my braids, trying to control my breathing.

_Fine. Fine. You’ll be fine. Someone’ll notice you’re missing, right? They’ll notice and find you and you’ll be fine._

        I gulped

_Probably scarred for life, but definitely fine._

        I don’t know how long I sat in the clearing, but the heat of the sun on my back made me sleepy. And the longer I sat there, the more beauty I saw in it. It was a peaceful clearing, and now that I was closer, I could see a patch of clovers growing on the far side and tiny flowers dotting the grass. Daisies grew in another patch, closer to the trees I’d entered from.

        Mittens let out a miffed sound as I sat her on the ground, but stayed close to me as I pulled out my polaroid and began going around the clearing, taking pictures. Mittens tripped over a root by the clovers and ended up going head over heels into them, landing on her back. A stalk landed in her face, and she batted it away. I took a picture of her, her eyes wide in my direction.

        Though I wasn’t that good at it, I turned the camera towards me when I laid down in the grass, smiling when Mittens went and curled in the crook of my neck and shoulder. I curled my arms up and around her and clicked the picture. I had to smile a bit when it printed out. It wasn’t that bad of a picture, perfect to send to Dee.

        With the polaroid and pictures put into my bag, I pulled out _Howl’s Moving Castle_ and continued from where I’d last left off, with Sophie and Michel using the seven league boots to try and catch a falling star. (Not that it would work out so well for them, and it would be a very bad idea even if they did- look what happened to Calcifer and Howl)

        I managed to make it to chapter 13 (“In which Sophie blackens Howl’s name) before I heard branches breaking on the opposite side of the clearing, but when I sat up (rather suddenly for Mittens), there was nothing there. No person, no centaur.

        Absolutely nothing.

        So I crossed my legs and settled back down, only a little more alert than before. I managed to get through chapter fourteen (“In which a Royal Wizard catches a cold”) before the thundering came.

        I basically threw the book to the ground and held Mittens to my chest. She let out a yowl of protest and clawed at me, wiggling wildly, but I still held on tight as the thundering came closer.

        I held my breath as the giant from the first night at school came through the trees in front of me, seemingly not noticing me as he headed for the empty side of the clearing and exclaimed “There ye are!”

        Mittens broke free from my then slack arms, let out a sharp hiss as the giant reached out and seemingly petted air lovelingly. The giant jumped and turned towards us. I squeaked, quickly backing away.

        His bushy eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me. “And wha’ are the like of ya doin’ ou’ here?” he questioned.

        I quickly looked from the man to Mittens and back again. “I- I- My cat- She- Mittens- She- Ran off into the forest- I- I didn’t- I don’t- I got- I got lost and- this- a centaur told me to stay here- I was- I didn’- I was scared that if I didn’t- I don’t- I- I- I-”

        I couldn’t breathe. My mouth was dry. My throat dry. Black spots danced at my eyes.

_Runrunrunrunrunrunrunrun._

_Get out get out get out get out. Get away., get away Awayawayawayawayaway-_

        “Let’s get you back to the school, firs’ yer,” the man said, taking my arm and pulling me to my feet. I let out a squeak as my feet dangled in the air for a moment before being set back on the ground. “Centaurs don’ harm foals- the students, o’ course. But it’s best no to test ‘em, a’right?”

        I nodded quickly, scooping the falling book and Mittens both off the ground.

        The giant nodded and began leading the way down the right path and back to the school. He made sure to hold branches and other things out of my way and I hurried to scurry through the obstacle each time. One time doing so, he mumbled something about “Firenze coulda mentioned the firs’ yer instead o’ just the threastels.”

        I hesitated in the middle of a path as he clicked his tongue behind us where there was nothing but air. I pulled on one of my braids.

        “Um, excuse me, but- um. Er. I was just- I was wondering- Um. Who- Who exactly are you?” I mumbled. The giant looked at me, a twinkle in his black eyes.

        “Rubeus Hagrid, keeper of keys and grounds at Hogwarts,” he stated proudly.

        “And- And what exactly are- are you try- _trying_ to herd back with us?”

        “Threastels, o’ course,” he answered, as if it were obvious, not even looking back at me.

        “Erm, sir, what _are_ threastels? There’s nothing really there.”

        The man, Hagrid, had to stop and think for a moment. “Winged things that look li’e horses,” he finally said. “Harmless creatures. We use ‘em to draw the carriages that take the older students to the school. But they get a bad rep, ya see, ‘cause ya can’t see ‘em unless you’ve seen death.”

        “And… And you can see them?” I asked, paling. _What has this man been through? What has he done?_

        Hagrid paused in his movements, a bit of sadness in the sag of his shoulders. “When you musta been a wee tike, there was a great big o’ wizard war,” he explained. “An’ a lotta people died. Nasty thing, war.”

        I didn’t push the subject, but helped where I could to herd the- the _thestrals_ towards the school. He gave me a hefty piece of raw meat and told me to hold it out. I did so, and a few moments later, it was pulled out of my hand and disappeared into thin air.

        I let out a yelp and jumped away, only to bump into something I still couldn’t see.

        Hagrid placed a heavy hand on my shoulder, but for some odd reason, it didn’t really scare me like most large, loud, heavy speaking males I knew. Namely, my father.

        “Le’s hope ya never gotta see ‘em,” he said before leading me back to the school.

        I waved a bit as I stood on the path leading from his hut to the castle. “Th-Thank you for leading me out of there!” I told him. “Uh, um. I never introduced myself! I’m Kassanda Addams, but everyone just calls me Kacie because Kassandra is so long and old fashioned and all that stuff but I’m really grateful for what you did so thank you, thank you so much and I’m going to stop talking now because I’m rambling again.”

        The twinkle was in his eyes again. “Ta’e care, Kacie,” he said. “An’ don’ get into no more trouble, a’right? I won’ be able to not report ya next time.”

        I nodded quickly, waving once more before heading back to the school.

        “That could have been a disaster,” I told Mittens as we headed back to the Hufflepuff common room. “And I don’t think I’ll take you to the forest anymore if you’re just going to run away from me. And I say that as if I plan on going back. Not that I do. It’s against the rules, and it’s got centaurs, and I got lost. But I’m sure I could find the clearing again if I tried. But I won’t. Because I can’t.”

        I tilted my head, feeling a tenseness in my shoulders.

        Of course, in the back of my mind, I knew very well that wasn’t going to be the last time I returned to the forest. Even if I was going to try my hardest to be good and follow the rules. After all, I didn’t need Mom to worry more than she already did.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kacie learns a little bit about the people around her, and about herself as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a mistake and updated this before the last one, so I fixed that. The new chapter is the one before this.

        Two weeks of school. Two weeks of living, learning, and eating with the same six girls and seven boys, existing with them in the same close vicinity. After two weeks, I couldn’t really say I _knew_ them, but I could at least say I was familiar enough that I knew a little _about_ them.

        Heather was quiet and studious. The best among us in Hufflepuff in our year at studying and keeping her grades up. She always did her homework quietly, quickly, and was quick to jump to the aid of others. The first Saturday of the school year, she’d gone to the library and come back with her arms laden with books and between their pages her nose had stayed all day. She was generally calm, good natured, and dutifully followed the instructions our professors gave us. The only thing, better said, _person_ , that seemed to be able to rile her up was Maxwell Reece.

        Jenna, on the other hand, was competitive and argumentative at times. Her fuse was short, and she’d blow her top if someone said the wrong thing, though it seemed more like that she was quick to jump to her own defense. She’d push her bushy, dark brown hair out of her face as she proceeded to angrily yell and glare at whoever had just pushed her buttons. Of all the girls, she was the one who hated Slytherins the most.

        Éowyn quickly became the most popular girl in our year. She was pretty and perfect, so I couldn’t say I was surprised. She had long, ringlet brown curls, pinned back with what had quickly become her signature butterfly pin. She was kind, cooperative, and quick to help where she could. She was the best of us at Charms, and also wonderful at notetaking, but not as well off in the other classes.

        Estella was very easy going. She didn’t actively jump to mediate the arguments that arose, but somehow she was always there with a quipping remark that had everyone calming down. Her posture always made her seem relaxed, and though she was brash, she didn’t seem unkind. But I’d seen her get into it during games of exploding snaps and wizard chess, and I knew she could be just as competitive as Jenna.

        Lisle was wildly different from the others, taking everything in stride and one day at a time. Very aloof at times, and though she never looked like she was paying attention in class, she always seemed to know what she was doing. She didn’t speak much to the other girls, just mainly to Crystal who she’d seemed to attach herself to. Lisle was also the only one who could call Crystal “Crysie” without a heated glare from Crystal herself.

        Crystal… was different. She was stout, bigger than the rest of us, but not all round like other chubby girls I’d seen. She was all sharp corners and muscle and biting remarks, a sharp contrast to Heather’s too skinny form. She held her head up high, daring anyone to cross her. Which Jenna did a lot, though not about her size. The two just didn’t seem to get along well, and I often worried Crystal wouldn’t even need her wand to reach out and crush one of Jenna’s bones.

        The boys were a bit harder to look at and describe. In a crowd of other students, I was able to sit near one without freaking out on the spot, but speaking was generally out of the question. Lysander seemed alright with me simply pushing a note with what I was thinking his way as our form of communication, and Johnny and Samuel were perfectly fine with nods and the occasional sound of affirmation from me. I didn’t speak to the others much.

        Samson was outspoken, though. And very proud. A pure-blood, an assumption I figured based on how proudly he talked about his magical heritage (Garrett had taken to talking just as loudly and proudly about his purely muggle heritage, often interrupting Samson’s high horsed, smug ramblings about it). He also vehemently thought that Slytherins were the root of all evil, this thought ingrained into his being by his parents from the way he spoke.

        I knew the least about Lawson and Brutus, I only heard that Lawson had grown up with Lisle, and both of them had obscure tastes in both muggle and magical sports teams.

        Two weeks I’d spent with these thirteen people. Fourteen, if you counted how Cho had wormed her way into my bubble and had refused to leave. A little over two weeks, really, if you thought about it.

        I had a hard time trusting others, to bring anyone into my circle of “friends”. I hadn’t even called Dee a “friend” until the year before I moved. She’d simply been “someone I can rely on and who I can hang out with without freaking out and has come to every birthday party since I’ve known her and oh look, her house is basically my second home now and she’s really, really important”. Not that that’s simple at all, and really, what a friend _is_. I just hadn’t thought to place the term “friend” on her until she’d introduced me to her grandparents (they having lived in another state, and hadn’t been down in several years) as “Kacie, my best friend”.

        It had thrown me for a loop. And “friend” had clicked into place, and it had become what she was. Who she was. A friend. _My_ friend. My _best_ friend. I hadn’t wanted to call her friend, because I didn’t want to be hurt if she didn’t think the same. But she’d awarded me the term first, and it was the happiest I’d ever felt.

        But the same bars kept me from calling any of my housemates “friend”. It was a lonely feeling, but I didn’t want to be presumptuous, especially when it was clear they’d already started forming their own circle of friends.

        Two weeks, and it barely felt like I was past the first “Hi.”

        And I really, _really_ needed a break from all the thoughts in my head. Where I could just not think and zone out without worrying anyone. Where I could just _exist_ and nothing else. But the common room was too full of people, the dorm room regularly visited, and the library, a regular spot that should have been for me to be where no one could find me- but it was anyone’s guess how they’d managed to deduce that within three days of me finding it.

        The only place I really knew of that I could go into to be alone was the clearing in the Forbidden Forest.

        I hesitated. Because, for one, it was Forbidden, and for a _reason_ from what I had read. I had read some books that detailed some of the nasty creatures on the school grounds. Secondly, there were centaurs, and no matter how _cool_ they were, all the myths spoke of how dangerous they were and the magical books with the facts about the real versions of magical beings (myths had to come from _somewhere_ , after all) talked about their lack of compassion for humanity.

        So I felt rightly cautious about entering the forest again.

        But my gaze found its way there without fail three or four times a day, when my need to get out of my own head got particularly strong.

        So I found my feet taking me towards the treeline, and then following the path to the clearing. I brought a piece of chalk with me, tucked into my bag, and used it to mark several trees along the path and at each intersection so I would know which way to go back, even if I was confident I could find my way, the same Hagrid had shown me.

        The clearing was just as beautiful as before, though much more empty than it had been. Which I was grateful for. I didn’t want another run in with another centaur.

        I settled against the tree that had the daisies at the foot of it, so that the only way someone could sneak up on me was from the other side of the tree, but if they tried to come up on me, they’d have to go through the dry bushes, which would create quite a ruckus and wake me up if I actually managed to fall asleep.

        I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on them, allowing my eyes to unfocus. I saw double of everything, yet everything was too blurred to make out clearly. Without the bustle of noise from the school, the quiet chaos of the forest seemed overwhelming, and the thoughts in my head only swirled louder and louder, trying to drown out the quiet.

        But they settled. A warm wind brushed through the trees, knotting my hairs as they tickled my face. I focused on the sound of the wind. How it made the leaves brush up against one another. I could almost imagine one of Mom’s so beloved wind chimes tinkling as I closed my eyes.

        I felt disconnected from my body, curled up in the forest and unmoving. But I also felt like I finally fit in my skin, and it wasn’t on too tight.

        Something that I sometimes did was imagine that my soul left my body. I would open my eyes, and just step out of my body. I would look around, look at everything. Take it all in, then I’d look back to where I was curled up with my eyes closed. I’d walk around, listening to people, no one noticing me. When I rode the bus, my soul-self would climb out of one of the windows and just sit on the top of the bus until my stop came, when I’d sink back through the roof and back into my body.

        It was a strange little thing I did, but it helped.

        I opened my eyes, staring blankly at a tree ahead of me for a few moments as I reoriented myself.

        I stretched my legs and arms while letting out a sigh before getting to my feet, pulling my loose braids out so I could redo them as I left the clearing. My feet barely made a sound as I stepped in the grass and over sticks and around logs down the path and back to the castle.

        I felt light, like air. Like I’d float up and fly away if I wasn’t grounded. I reached up to my hair, my hand curling into it until I pulled it free, strands going along with it from root to tip.

        I stopped my movements, the castle in sight above the treeline, when I heard a crash. My natural instincts told me to ignore it and leave it well enough alone, but I crept towards the sound quietly anyway. I didn’t deviate from the path, and as long as the school was in sight, I knew I’d be fine. Probably.

        I hesitated at a crossroad in the path as two identical redheaded boys stumbled out on the other side, large bundles of… whatever they were holding in their arms and scratches marking their faces and hands.

_Runrunrunrunrunrunrunrurnurnunrurn._

        But I didn’t run, my feet were rooted to the spot. Their brown eyes met mine, and we exchanged a look, something that seemed to look the same on all our faces- _You don’t rat me out, I won’t rat out you._

        With a stiff nod in their direction I turned on my heel and headed back towards the path I normally took.

        Only to be confronted by Hagrid about halfway to his house.

        He stood on the path between me and the school. He looked at me, then beyond me to the forest. “Hope ye were’t in the fore’t again,” he said.

        I tapped my fingers on my thigh. “Well… I may have been. But there’s also the possibility I wasn’t. The morally right thing would be to tell the truth, but I have an obligation to do what I think is right for me, so who’s to say what the correct answer is? Was I? Was I not? It’s a good question. Perhaps I’d been in the forest, but perhaps I’d just been out taking a walk. There’s really no proof one way or another, is there?”

        Hagrid’s lips twitched into a smile. “Can’ put ta blame on ye there,” he said. “I don’ want ye going in there, but I suppose I ain’t gonna be able to keep ya out of there if yer twisting the words much like that. Just wan’ for ya to be careful, ye hear?”

        I nodded quickly and he waved me off. I headed back to the castle. I was heading for the common room when I heard loud cheers come from down the hallway. I rounded the corner and saw a rather large group of people coming my way, at the head of it Annie and Anthony, with a boy in bright yellow robes between them.

        “Hey, Kacie!” Annie called when she spotted me. The group stopped, and I felt more than mildly intimidated by all the rather large and buff people in yellow and scarlet robes behind her. All older years, then.

        I bit my lip and gave a meek wave to the group. I let out a squeak when Annie wrapped an arm around me.

        “This is Kassandra Addams!” Annie proclaimed proudly to the group. “One of our resident first years. Good kid, doesn’t talk much, though. Kacie, this is the Quidditch team! And some amusing Gryffindors from their Quidditch team.”

        One boy with a rather bright shade of red hair let out an amused snort, but Annie went on and ignored him.

        She pointed to each as she spoke. “Team captain and one of the beaters, sixth year Oraine Bishop.” The girl was darker than Jenna, and closer to Estella’s skin tone, but not quite. She gave me a wink with a thumbs up. “Our other beater, seventh year Elizabeth Richelieu.” She was tall, very tall, and her blonde hair was cut into a bob much like Annie’s. She gave me a stiff nod. “Our seeker, seventh year Marvin Pearson.” His hair spiked everywhere, but he looked rather calm. “Jay Underwood, fifth year, is our keeper.” He reminded me a lot of Brutus, though… Caucasian. “Zena André and Graham Mills are a couple of our chasers, both fourth years.”

        Annie moved away from me and went back over to Anthony and the boy whose shoulders he had an arm around. Annie put her arm around his shoulders as well and I finally took a good look at him. It was the same boy who’d woken me up on the first day of school.

        “And this! This is the last chaser, Cedric Diggory!” she exclaimed. “A third year, and easily one of the best players on the team.”

        There were several cries of indignation and Annie laughed goodnaturedly. Anthony shook his head.

        “When will you learn to hold your tongue?” he reprimanded.

        Annie giggled. “I was just teasing,” she stated. “Anyway, Cedric _is_ pretty good.”

        Cedric shook his head. “Not good enough to make seeker position,” he said, and Annie smacked his back.

        “Don’t be like that! You were great! Besides, Oraine will put you on it soon if she knows what’s good for her.”

        Oraine clicked her tongue, putting her hands on her hips in a sassy motion that reminded me greatly of Lydia. “I know what’s good for the team,” she said. “And the setup we have right now is the one that’ll best lead us to victory.” Her eyes twinkled as she tilted her head a bit. “But next year, Marvin won’t be here and the position will be open…”

        Annie gave a loud “Ha!” and Anthony smacked his face, letting out a loud groan.

        “You just going to leave the rest of us in the dust?” asked a girl with hair the brightest color of bubblegum pink I’d ever seen.

        Annie grinned, sticking her tongue out. “Nymphadora Tonks,” she explained.

        The girl reached her hand out, her lips turned up with a smirk. “Call me Tonks,” she said.

        “Nymphadora will do-”

        Tonks gave Annie a heated look. “Don’t. Call. Me. Nymphadora.”

        I squeaked when strands of her hair began turning a bright, vermillion red. “Uh- Um! Nice- Nice to meet you!” I said as Annie gave a meek wave to Tonks.

        Tonks turned her smirk to me. “Nice to meetcha, kid.”

        “Anyway,” Anthony continued. “Also joining us today are Charlie Weasley and Love Torrell- Torry, to most- seeker and chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Ah, Oliver Wood, as well. Their keeper.”

        “And captain,” Charlie, a boy with the same tone of hair I’d seen on the boys in the forest, said. “I’ve quit the team.”

        “I refuse to believe it, Weasley!” Anthony stated. “Where’s the competition going to go? They’ve got powerful players on the Slytherin team this year- who’s going to beat them with you gone?”

        Charlie grinned at Anthony. “I’m sure the Hufflepuffs will manage.”

        I cleared my throat and pulled away from Annie. “I- I- I was actually. Um. I was actually heading back to the common room, so- so I’m gonna go. Uh. Um. Er. It was- It was nice to meet you all? Um. Good luck on- Good luck _in_ your games. Matches. Um. Bye.”

        I turned quickly and began heading for the common room. Quick steps followed me and I clenched tightly onto my messenger bag.

        “I was actually headed that way as well.” I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw Cedric keeping pace with me. I turned pink as I looked forward. “Mind if I walk with you?”

        “Do- Do whatever you’d like!” I squeaked.

        Cedric’s laugh was kind. Too deep for a boy of thirteen, and too homey. It filled my ears as he escorted me back to the Hufflepuff common room. We walked at arm’s length, and he never moved to close the distance, respecting my boundaries.

        It didn’t escape my notice how I didn’t feel the need to run away from him.

        Come October, we finally found out why the prefects had needed our birthdays in the beginning of the year.

        The 23rd had started as a normal day, but after classes, Annie and Anthony had dragged us (us being all the first years) from the common room and into the kitchens. Around the table in the back was many of the older Hufflepuffs, and on top of it was a giant cake.

        “Happy birthday, Estella!” Annie cheered, and all the other students along with the house elves clapped as Estella was ushered to stand in front of the cake.

        “Most of you guys have spent each of your birthdays with your friends and family,” Anthony explained. “But this year, you’re away from home, most of you without many people you know. That’s why we band together and have our own little party, so it doesn’t just feel like you’ve been forgotten.”

        Estella placed a hand over her mouth, a tear or two leaking out of her eyes. “I don’t… I didn’t think anyone would care.”

        Anthony placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a smile. “It’s what we do,” he said, an amused lilt to his voice.

        The older students started singing “Happy Birthday”, and the rest of us joined in very quickly. The cake was cut afterwards, revealing a deliciously dark chocolate cake. Then several presents were handed to Estella. Nothing terribly fancy. A cute and warm looking sweater, and a pair of baby blue gloves and a scarf from someone else. There were also some fun candies from Honeydukes in the town just a stone’s throw away away from Hogwarts.

        I sat on top of the table and ate my cake while everyone else milled about. Well, except Lysander and Estella. Estella sat at the table and had been talking to Lysander, but then he’d leaned over and fell asleep, leaving Estella and I in relative silence. I took a small bite off the slice I was given and stuck it in my mouth while Éowyn slid into the seat next to Estella.

        “This means you’re the eldest of us!” Éowyn said, her voice amazed.

        Estella tilted her head, her fork in her mouth. She pulled it out and licked her lips. “Mmmm. Nope. I just turned eleven. Mum and Dad didn’t want me to be ridiculously older than my classmates, so they talked to the headmaster and got me my letter early so I could be roughly everyone’s age.”

        Éowyn still smiled, putting her chin in her hands as she leaned forward into Estella’s space. She tilted her head and gave Estella the widest grin. “Happy birthday, Estella,” she said before getting up and skipping off.

        Lysander lifted his head, his eyes droopy and looking terribly out of it. “Happy… birthday…” he mumbled before laying back down on his arms.

        Estella leaned in my direction. “Is it just me or was half his face covered in frosting?”

        I nodded and Estella snorted out a laugh.

        Halloween came rather quickly, after that. Instead of the candles floating in the ceiling, pumpkins took their place, and the tables were covered in candies and sweets. Éowyn wore a pair of cat ears the entire day, using her ink and painting whiskers on her cheeks and a black dot on her nose. Several of the teachers told her to go clean herself up and take the ears off, but it didn’t last long.

        I joined my classmates at the Hufflepuff table, placing my camera and the stack of pictures I’d taken of the decorations in the Great Hall on the table.

_Running out of polaroid film… Need to ask Mom to send some with her next letter…_

        “Hey, what are those?” Jenna asked, looking over my shoulder at the pictures after I sat down.

        “They’re pictures,” Garret stated. “Ain’t you ever seen pictures before?”

        “Why ain’t they moving?”

        “They’re muggle pictures,” I mumbled, holding the pictures close to my chest. “They don’t move…”

        Jenna’s eyes bulged out. “Wait, seriously?!”

        Johnny swallowed his mouthful of food and turned to me, pointing his spoon in my direction. “You know, there’s a charm that can make your camera print out moving pictures,” he told me. “Or if you’d prefer, there’s a… recipe? No, ah. Merlin, what’s the word?” He rubbed at the back of his head, furrowing his eyebrows as he stared at his spoon irritably. He sighed and put the spoon down, grinning at me. “A method, I suppose, that you could use to make the pictures magic, instead of enchanting your camera. I’m pretty sure there’s someone here who could show you.”

        I looked down at the pictures, sorting through them. I’d caught the Fat Friar and Nearly Headless Nick in one- would they float about and move through the picture if I enchanted it? There was one of a winking pumpkin, of Mittens curled up oddly in one of my empty jars of potions supplies. I’d gotten one that had Jenna and Heather passing through as I got a big look at the Great Hall, among many others.

        I nodded at Johnny, giving him an uneasy smile. He grinned back before turning back to his conversation with Samuel.

        “We should take a picture!” Jenna exclaimed. “All of us! You’re gonna send ‘em off to your mum, right? You gotta show her your friends!”

        The phrase jarred me. More, the _word_.

 _Friends_.

        I was so shaken, I didn’t even notice as the camera was taken off the table and handed off to Annie. Jenna pulled Heather close by and Éowyn and Estella pulled Crystal and Lisle to stand behind us.

        I was only brought out of my reverie by the bright flash of my camera. Jenna laughed at my spooked expression, and even Heather couldn’t suppress a giggle. I couldn’t help but give them a wry smile, and the flash went off again.

        I stood and leaned over the table, reaching my hand out for the camera. Annie handed me the pictures that printed out, but the camera was snatched away before I could grab it. Jenna let out a triumphant cheer and snapped another picture of me.

        “Jen-Jenna!” I exclaimed, jumping to my feet to chase after her.

        “Estella!”

        The camera was handed off to Estella, and Estella ended up snapping a picture of Lysander, Samuel, and Johnny. The camera passed to Johnny, then to Heather, then Éowyn, and I lost track of it until Lisle snapped one last picture before handing Crystal the camera, who handed it to me.

        “ _Accio polaroid photos_!” Anthony said, and from all along the Hufflepuff table, square photos zoomed towards him and landed neatly in a pile in his hands. He handed me the pictures and I held them tightly to my chest.

        The feast ended much more smoothly, with my camera and pictures tucked away in my messenger bag. As the food was disappearing, Professor Dumbledore stood in his place at the head of the teacher’s table.

        “Now children, the night grows long,” he said. “And it is time for us to rest our eyes and our minds. Though I know you will likely keep in the spirit of Halloween and stay up telling spooky stories- and I myself quite enjoy a good story-” Several students giggled at that, and he looked at us all with a twinkle in his eye “-I advise you not to stay up too long. Now off you trot to the fires and your warm beds.”

        We were shortly released from the Great Hall and everyone chatted as we made our way to the common room.

        “Who’s going first this year?” Tonks asked as she plopped down by the fire once in the common room, her hair a scarlet red, though I could have sworn it had been bubblegum pink before.

        “Let Anthony, he always tells the scariest,” Annie said.

        “But that’s why he should go later, so others can go to bed before he gives them nightmares,” Cedric stated.

        “I vote Tonks,” another boy said.

        “No way!” a girl exclaimed. “Tonks’ stories always end up funny and I want to get shivers down my spine!”

        The crowd slowly delved into chaos as everyone imputed their ideas about who should go first, though I inched towards the dorms. Jenna took my hand and held me in place, not allowing me to get any further. Everyone quieted when a someone rather loudly cleared their throat.

        When everyone turned, Professor Sprout was standing in the doorway.

        She had her hands on her hips and an amused smirk on her face. “Well children, there’s no need to fight about it,” she said. “ _I’ll_ go first.”

        The older students cheered and all the first years were ushered to sit on the floor around the stool the storyteller sat on.

        Professor Sprout got comfortable and began to tell a rather dismal tale about the Bloody Baron, though she only smiled and wouldn’t tell anyone if it was true or not when they asked. Several of the others went to bed after that, claiming that that was all the spooky they could handle. It might have been a bit depressing, but I didn’t think it was really _spooky_ , so I stuck around.

        “Oh, I’ve got one!” Estella exclaimed. “Tom told me this one!” She was gestured to the stool, and once seated, told us about the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade, and how it was haunted by tortured ghosts.

        “That _would_ be scary,” Samson pointed out at the end, “if it weren’t for the fact we go to school with a _bunch_ of ghosts around. And we’re taught history by one that probably lived through half of it.”

        There were murmurs of agreement all around, and Estella threw her hands up and headed back to her seat between Éowyn and Lysander. Jenna shifted in her seat uncomfortably.

        Someone else took the stool, and told the story of the Chamber of Secrets, and how it had been opened fifty years ago, resulting in the death of a student- a girl who came to be known as Moaning Myrtle. The terrifying part was when she came moaning out of the floor, resulting in the first years screaming.

        The student who had been telling the story laughed and called out “Thanks, Myrtle!” as she giggled and sunk back through the floor.

        “What about the Changeling curse?” a second year mentioned, pulling their knees up to their chest.

        I studied the student, my eyebrows furrowed. _Changeling curse?_

        Several glares were sent their way, and one of the kids by them elbowed them harshly. “We got both of them in our house! In the room right now!”

        Jenna’s hands shook and she took a deep breath before standing. “You know what? I think- I think I’ve had enough for the night. I’m- I’m going to bed.”

        “Jenny-” Johnny reached out his hand, but she brushed him off and he pulled it back. He hung his head as she disappeared into the dorm.

        I pulled away from the group as the student who’d mentioned the curse was berated. I opened the door and slipped in, the voices in the common room becoming muffled after I shut the door.

        I quietly made my way to the first year dorm room. When I opened the door, Jenna was laying on her side, facing away from the door, but still in her day clothes. I could see just the littlest bit of her pillow as she hugged it to her chest.

        “Jen- Jenna?” I murmured. Her shoulders twitched and she tensed, but she didn’t look my way. “Um. Are- Are you okay?”

        Jenna snorted, curling into herself. “Aren’t you scared?” she retorted bitterly.

        I laughed nervously, rubbing the back of my neck. “Gen- Generally, you know? Um. I- I’m always- I always- I’m not- I’m always scared of some- of _something_ , you know? But. Um. Well. I’ve never- You’ve never- Not you. You- You’re loud. And- And brash. And- And very, very excitable. Maybe- Maybe too excitable for me. And it- it overwhelms me. But never- never scared.”

        Jenna rolled over to look at me, though it looked like she could see right through me. My mouth felt dry. I licked my lips and shuffled on my feet as she stared unblinkingly.

        “Really?” she asked. I nodded. “And you’re just… not going to ask about the curse?” I quickly shook my head.

        “N-No! That’s- That’s your own business! If- If you wanted- If you wanted me to know, you’d- you’d tell me!”

        Jenna laughed loudly, hugging her pillow tightly and curling up due to the force of it. She wiped away her tears of laughter and grinned brightly at me, the white of her teeth a contrast to her browned skin. “You’re something else, Kassandra Addams.” Her lips pressed into a quirked smile. “Thanks.”

        I sat cross legged on my bed, taking my bag off and letting it just sit by me. Mittens jumped up onto the bed and curled into my lap. I ran my fingers through her fur.

        “Did you mean what you said?” I asked softly, my voice shaking, but my stutter surprisingly not present. “Earlier. About… being friends.”

        Jenna gave me a confused look. “Why wouldn’t I mean it? We are, aren’t we? Friends?” she said.

        My cheeks turned pink as I smiled down at Mittens. “Um. Yeah. Th- Thanks.”

        “Hey, what are friends for?”

        Jenna rolled onto her back, spreading out spread eagle. Agatha jumped up onto Jenna’s chest, and seconds later, Jenna was shrieking and snapping into a sitting position.

        “Agatha, you mangy cat!” she shrieked, running after the wiry black cat while Agatha made a sound that might have been laughter. It could have been my imagination, though. After all, she’s a cat and I don’t speak cat. “Why did it have to be me of all people while Johnny got Alfred?!”

        I couldn’t help but giggle as Agatha zoomed out of the room. Jenna gave me an exasperated look before shaking her head and flopping down on her bed. “I’m gonna go to bed, for real this time. It is late, and _Merlin_ , I feel like crap right now.”

        “You are looking a little pale…” I mumbled.

        Jenna sighed. “Yeah, it happens a lot.”

        Jenna went about getting ready for bed and I pulled out the pictures that had been taken at the feast. There were pictures of food, of each of the boys (Lysander had fallen asleep in his food again), and the girls, and several older students. There was one of Annie stuffing a small pie in Anthony’s face, and one of Tonks making a cheer (her hair was a bright purple in that one, and I was even more confused) were the most memorable.

        I finally found the picture that Annie had taken of all the Hufflepuff first year girls.

        I pulled out my pen and ink and turned the picture over to write on the back.

_Dear Dee,_

_You know the troubles I’ve had with making friends, and I don’t know about all of them, but I know I’ve at least got one among my housemates. Her name’s Jenna Changeling, and she’s the girl with hair even frizzier than mine. I’m not so alone here, then, I don’t think._

        I blew on the ink to dry it then turned the picture back over to write in the blank space under the image.

_Kassandra Addams, Jennifer Changeling, Heather Beakly, Estella Whittle, Éowyn Couture, Crystal Delorean, & Lisle McGambert: First Year _

        “Hey, looking good,” Jenna said, looking over my shoulder. I barely jumped when she did so. I turned my head and smiled.

        “Thanks.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is just around the corner- but to that extent, so are midterm exams.

        November came and went, Jenna rather pale and ill on the second, and another birthday for Garrett on the twelfth. When the day of Thanksgiving came, I spent it somberly alone in the kitchens, missing my family from America especially Aunt Lucy, my brothers (Allen, Alfred, Elliot, Joey, and Mack), and my eldest sister, Erin. All of them had grown up and married by the time Mom and Dad divorced. 

        I didn’t miss Dad so much, though there was an ache of _some_ sort there when I thought about him. I had to remember what Lydia told me- he was toxic to my mental health. The symptoms were there, plain as day, and yet he’d insisted there was nothing wrong with me. He’d refused to let the doctors prescribe me sleeping pills, at the first mention of the horrid word “anxiety” or “counselor”, Dad had gotten me a new doctors, a better one who would “know what they were doing”. 

        At least… that was what Lydia said. Mom told me countless times not to listen to Lydia when she got like that, but it was hard not to when you could hear the conviction in her voice. 

        No, I didn’t sit there and long for my father’s arms, as the words Lydia had told me bounced around in my head. I sat and seethed, my mind whirling and spinning and going down the dark hole of every time Lydia had been favored over me, or when she herself had reminded me I was freak- until Milsy placed a mug of hot cocoa mixed with pumpkin and spice in front of me.

        “Thank you,” I murmured. Milsy’s smile was bright, and she quickly went back to work, and instead of thinking and angering at the thought of my absent family, I thought of Dee, and how much I couldn’t wait to see her again. And I wrote another letter.

_Dear Mom and Lydia,_

_As this letter will reach you after it’s already over, I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving, even if we don’t celebrate it anymore. I quite think that having a day especially given for thanks is a wonderful thing, and many more places should celebrate it, even if it’s not for the reason Americans do…_

        Come December, and Éowyn turned twelve on the sixth. And then midterms, right before we left for Christmas. 

        I held my pill bottle in my hand while I sat on the floor by my bed, looking at it intently. I shook it, and the pills rattled. I hadn’t used them much, only right before really important tests, so I could make sure I was well rested for the event.

        But I really didn’t want to. 

        I took a deep breath and, before I could debate with myself anymore, I took a pill out a swallowed it. 

        I gagged after I felt it go down my throat, and something awful settled in my stomach. Nervousness. Not uncommon, but tests never helped. 

        Mittens purred, rubbing her head against my hand. I sighed as I sat the pill bottle in my trunk and sliding the trunk under by bed before climbing under the covers. Mittens hopped up onto the bed, quite a bit larger than she had been when I’d first gotten her. As I curled into myself, Mittens nuzzled under my chin and I scratched her back softly.

        Crystal wandered in from the bathroom and flicked the lights off, leaving the room dark. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, willing the pills to begin their work. 

        I didn’t realize when I finally went to sleep, only that my dreams were twisted and weird. 

        There was a dark stage. Those… odd, heavily shadowed pictures, where only the far side is lighted. That’s what it looked like. There were these ballerinas, in black costumes, dancing around on their toes. A girl, in a wide sweeping dress twirled out. There was an echoing, giggling sort of laugh. 

        Everything spun in odd shapes and disoriented colors, too fast and too blurry for me to hold onto anything. 

        Then I blinked open my eyes, and the dorm was filled with light. Jenna was looking intently at me and I startled once I noticed, jumping back and almost falling off the bed. Jenna laughed, setting her elbows on the edge of my bed. 

        “Took you long enough,” she teased. “Thought we’d have to leave you here. You weren’t waking up for nothing.”

        “It’s true,” Heather murmured. “It’s almost time for class. Everyone tried waking you up, but you wouldn’t even move.”

        Lisle hummed, kicking her legs back and forth from where she laid on her stomach on Crystal’s bed. “You were mumbling, too.”

        I pulled on one of my braids. “Sor-Sorry.”

        Jenna smacked my back. “Nothing to be sorry about!” she stated. “Merlin, even Johnny talks in his sleep! And he talks about Xebalba in Spanish. It’s weird.”

        “Who’s Xebalba?”

        “Mayan mythology underworld thing. Really interesting to read about, but I like the Greek Underworld better-”

        “And that’s super interesting!” Éowyn said, clapping her hands to get everyone’s attention. “But we have lots of tests today and half of us haven’t eaten! That includes you, Kacie. You’re going to eat or you’ll never make it to lunch time.”

        I nodded numbly, getting out of bed and dressing in my robes, throwing on my winter cloak as an afterthought. 

        “We’ve got our Transfiguration final right after breakfast, so we’re not going to want to be late,” Heather said from one side of me, Jenna walking on the other. The others were more spread out, but in their regular duos.

        “Should we just go to the kitchens instead of bothering with the rest of them?” Jenna offered. 

        I thought for moment, and the kitchens sounded wonderful. They were close by, and I was still feeling sluggish and drowsy. 

        The house elves went about cooking as they generally did, and a few older students milled about near the back table, eating their breakfast. Almost immediately after they got up and moved away from their empty plate, it was swept away towards the sink to be washed.

        “Miss Kacie brought friends today!” one of the house elves I didn’t know the name of exclaimed before ushering us towards the back table and seating us. 

        “Miss Kacie?” Jenna asked as the house elf ran off. “Come here often?”

        I shrugged and shrunk down into myself, curling my arms on the table and laying my head on them. The house elves brought food to those of us who hadn’t eaten before quickly scurrying back to their duties. 

        I ate slowly, though under Heather’s watchful stare. She had already eaten, but was closely watching me. There were nights when my nerves got to be too much, and I couldn’t bring myself to try to eat anything. Heather would silently stare at me until I’d eaten at least half of the meal before turning away with a satisfied nod. 

        I gave her a look before turning to my food. 

        “Didn’t you already eat?” I heard Estella ask Jenna. 

        “Yesh,” Jenna said through her mouthful of food. “But thish food ish goo’, and ‘m shill hun’ry.”

        “Merlin, you’re disgusting,” Crystal stated. 

        “You really shouldn’t be talking with your mouth full.”

        Jenna grumbled, but didn’t speak anymore until she swallowed. I pushed my plate away, feeling my stomach churn. 

        An unbidden thought bloomed in my mind. _Failfailfailfailfail. I’m gonna fail. I’m not nearly as good as the others at Transfiguration. I can’t even turn my toothpick into needle! I’m gonna fail the test, and then everyone’s gonna see that I don’t deserve to be in the class let alone the school and everything will have been for nothing and I’ll only be known as the failure and- and- and I don’t think I can do this. Why did I have to come? I shouldn’t have come. I knew this would happen. I knew, I knew, I knew, and still I-_

        “What do you think, Kacie?”

        I blinked, gawking a bit at Éowyn. “Huh?”

        Éowyn sighed, leaning into her palm. “I’ve been saying I think it’s a little medieval and cruel to keep the house elves here,” she explained. “Did you know they’re slaves? Unpaid labor.”

        “And I keep telling you it’s what they’re born for, literally,” Jenna stated. “It’s what they’re _made_ to do.”

        “But what about brainwashing? Couldn’t they be brainwashed?”

        “House elves live literal _lifetimes_ longer than humans. The same house elf is in a a family for _generations_. And they have at least ten times as much natural magic than a wizard and they don’t even need a wand. You trying to tell me they couldn’t get away if they wanted to?”

        “But generations of _brainwashing-_ ”

        “Did you know that humans are the only mammals able to do evil?” Heather cut in softly. She looked between everyone twiddling her thumbs. “We- We do bad, for the sake of doing bad. Other- Other animals? Tigers and- and wolves. They hunt to eat, to survive. They’re not doing it out of malice or hate, they just want to live. You don’t begrudge them that. Humans kill and hurt and steal for no other reason than to do so at times.”

        “Point,” Éowyn said. “But what does it mean? What’s it got to do with the conversation?”

        “I think I get it,” Estella said. “Animals and humans think differently, right? And house elves aren’t human. They’re elves. Our brains work completely differently, so there’s the chance that they could naturally have subservient thoughts, unlike humans, who naturally rebel and fight.” She looked at Heather for confirmation, and Heather nodded. Estella sat back in her seat before turning to Éowyn. “But you’ve got a point too. They could have, at one point, just had the instinct to protect and care for. However, wizards abused their instincts and the power it gave to them, and eventually their abuse and manipulation led to what it is today. However, there’s no proof of that, and they all enjoy work here. They’re not mistreated, they’re treated kindly. They’re far better off than many of the house elves in the old pureblood houses.”

        Jenna shuddered at the mention. “There’s rumors that in the Black household, they would sever the heads off the house elves when they got old and hang them up on the walls. Dad went to the Black house once when he was younger, and he said it was true.”

        I couldn’t tell who all shrieked and who gagged. I gripped at my stomach, wrapping my arms around it. _Glad I wasn’t eating anymore anyway…_

        “Morgana’s staff, Jenna,” Crystal complained, swiping black hair out of her face. It was pale and ghostly white. “ _Please_. Not while people are _eating_.”

        Jenna gave a mock gasp. “ _Language_ , Crysie!”

        Crystal seethed. “Says the girl who was casually throwing around _Merlin’s saggy left_ -”

        “Crystal!”

        “ _What_? What did I do?”

        Estella sighed, but stood from her seat. “We should probably be getting to class,” she said. “We’ll be late to the test.”

        Everyone grumbled as they stood. I fixed my bag securely around my shoulders, dutifully following the group out of the kitchen. Estella and Éowyn led the way to the Transfiguration classroom, follow by me, Jenna, and Heather, with Crystal and Lisle lagging behind. 

        The Ravenclaws we were taking the test with were already there, along with the boys. But they half of the students gathered were clustered around the door, it barely an inch open, and listening in. Samuel, Lysander, and Johnny were three of the students hanging back and leaning against the wall. Well, Lysander was more leaning on Johnny, looking extremely tired, but actually awake. 

        “Well, looks like we’ve finally found a gaggle of girls,” Samuel called. “Told you we’d find them, John.”

        Johnny raised an eyebrow as we joined the three boys. “Do you _always_ travel in such a large group?” he questioned. Éowyn and Estella looked at each other, then looked back to the rest of us. 

        “Generally,” Estella answered with a shrug. “Alright, ‘Sander?”

        Lysander shrugged. “‘M fine. Tired, is all.” I knew his pain all too well.

        “Got a problem with this many girls?” Jenna probbed, folding her arms over her chest. She cocked out a hip and raised an eyebrow at Johnny. 

        “Nah. That’s just a lot of girls. And to think- still some four years ago, girls had cooties.”

        “Girls don’t have cooties?” Lawson asked, his eyes wide as he looked up from his book from where he sat by Garrett several feet down the hall.

        Johnny gave a heavy sigh, running an exasperated hand down his face, Garrett mimicking his gesture. “Cooties don’t exist,” Johnny said.

        “They don’t?” Lisle tilted her head. “Oh. Okay then.” She moved closer to Lawson, pulling Crystal after her. She then proceeded to slide down the wall to sit by Lawson and hold onto his hand while Lawson just casually went back to his book with Lisle leaning on his shoulder. Crystal sat down by Lisle and Garrett shook his head.

        The door slammed open and an angry Professor McGonagall stood in the doorway, sill looking into her classroom. 

        “I do believe we’re done here,” she said tightly. “I have an exam to proceed with, and you’re eating into their very valuable test time, and making us all behind schedule.”

        She moved to the side, and the first to leave the room were Annie and Anthony, then the Gryffindor prefects, then the rest of the Hufflepuff prefects, and all the prefects from the other houses and the Head Boy and Head Girl. Then several adults in both muggle business clothes and nice wizard robes exited the room.

        “What are they all doing here?” Éowyn whispered to Estella. “Who are they?”

        “That’s the school board,” Estella said, standing on her tiptoes to see above the heads of the others. “My mum’s on it- Mum!”

        Estella waved her hand high above her head, and a rather dark woman with her hair in a dark braided bun came over, large gold earrings dangling from her ears. 

        “Estella!” the woman- Mrs. Whittle, from what Estella was saying- said as she hugged Estella tightly. “Big day, isn’t it? Midterms?” Estella nodded quickly after pulling away from her mother, a big smile on her face. “Good luck, my girl.”

        “Thanks, Mum,” Estella said. “But… what’s the board doing here? At Hogwarts, and Professor McGonagall’s classroom. Don’t they usually meet up in Professor Dumbledore’s?”

        “Professor Dumbledore is away on business, so it was more convenient to meet down here,” Mrs. Whittle explained. “As for why we’re here…”

        An older Ravenclaw was escorted out of the classroom by a man who seemed his identical copy and a harried woman. Likely his parents. Moments later, Maxwell Reece slowly trudged out, followed by his own parents.

        Mrs. Whittle stared at the older boy. “A fifth year Ravenclaw was just expelled,” she explained, her voice tight. “But much more than that… I am not permitted to tell. I’m sorry.” She smiled at all of us. “But good luck, all of you. And you, Estella, I will see at Christmas. Good day, girls. And to you boys as well.”

        Estella hugged Mrs. Whittle tightly once more before she left. 

        “Well, someone in Ravenclaw has got to know what’s going on,” Jenna murmured. 

        “The only one of us who actually knows any of them any sort is Kacie,” Heather whispered. 

        I paled at their discussion. “But- But what about you and- and-”

        Heather immediately turned pink and shook her head. “Me and Max- we just- all we do is- we just fight. A- A rivalry, you know? I couldn’t- I can’t- I wouldn’t be able to ask.”

        I let out a defeated sigh and Jenna bumped into my shoulder and pushed me a little bit in Cho’s direction. I stumbled over the hem of my robe and knocked into her. 

        “Sor-Sorry!” I squeaked. 

        Cho smiled at me. “It’s alright,” she said, and I took an easy breath. 

        But then my eyes slowly moved to Maxwell- er, Max? _Heather had called him Max, maybe that’s what he goes by? Not the time, Kacie!_

        “Uh. Um. I’m- Er. I just. What- What happened?” I asked, my voice low. _Gossiping isn’t kind. Rumors hurt people. But Jenna and Heather want to know! And it’s not rumors if it’s the truth- But who knows if they’re going to tell the truth?! Cho wouldn’t lie! That I know of. But not believing in people isn’t right either._

_This is an awful mess._

        Cho’s expression turned extremely sad. She looked at Max, at how he shuffled from one foot to the other and didn’t look at anyone, standing to the side, away from the group. 

        “He- An older boy? The one who got expelled? I wasn’t- I wasn’t there. But- But I heard the story through Professor McGonagall’s door.” Cho bit her lip, her eyes leaving the back of Max’s head and looking down at her feet. “They say he touched Max. I don’t- Who knows what would have happened if Cyril and Zach hadn’t been there.”

        I took a gulping breath, my lungs hurting and my throat feeling dry and my ears ringing. 

_It’s not just the forest I have to be wary of._

        “Mr. Reece, will you be able to take your test now or do you wish to rest in the infirmary?” Professor McGonagall asked. 

        He didn’t meet her eyes, only looking at his feet. “I’ll… take the test.”

        “If you’re sure.” She turned to the rest of us. “Come along, students! We haven’t got all day, we’re cutting in on your exam time already. Hurry now.”

        The written portion of the exam I am sure I did fine on. The theory wasn’t too hard to memorize. But the practical… Well, it wouldn’t have been too far of a stretch to claim I did the worst in the class…

        The Charms exam did much better. I, once again, blew up my potion in Potions. Though I hadn’t needed to go to the infirmary, that time. Instead of taking the flight exam, I sat in the infirmary with Madam Pomfrey and helped her sort through her potion ingredients so she could make more potions for the sick season.

        Samuel helped all the first years study for the History exam, and even Samson kept his mouth shut for the duration of the study session. I can almost confidently say that I passed the test. Astronomy went… alright. But it was in the middle of the night, and I was very tired. 

        Defense Against the Dark Arts was our last exam before we were let out for the day to pack for Christmas. Professor Willostone set us up in pairs and set us up to duel each other with the spells we’d learned in class over the last couple of months. 

        She walked between the rows of students, her hands held behind her back. She stopped at the end and turned sharply on her heels to look down the rows. “Alright, approach your opponent and bow.” I shakily took a few steps towards Lysander and we both bowed. “Turn and pace ten steps away from each other. Simple mathematics, children. That’ll result in twenty between you.”

        I closed my eyes tightly as I turned away from Lysander, heaving in a deep breath. I opened my eyes when Professor Willostone began counting off the steps. 

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten…_

        “Stop! Turn. Wands at the ready.” I raised my wand, positioning myself into the stance we’d been taught. “And in three, two, one… Begin!”

        Light flashed on either side of me, and I stood frozen when I met Lysander’s eyes. They held a sharp glint I hadn’t seen in them before. He didn’t look weighed down by exhaustion as he’d been before. 

        I hardened my own gaze, the chant of _Run, run, run, runrunrunrun_ echoing in my head. But it was followed by _survive, defend, protect_.

        “ _Expelliarmus_!” Lysander shouted, his voice barely heard over the shouts of everyone else in the classroom. I couldn’t even hear myself think.

        An almost transparent, pale blue shield formed around me, even as my mind blanked. I felt sand between my fingers. Lysander took a step towards me and waved his wand again, red sparks shot at me, shattering the shield. I shot green sparks at Lysander to intercept his second casting of red sparks.

        “ _Locomotor Mortis_!” I shouted, and the spell hit him in his chest. He stumbled back a step before his legs locked and he fell on his back. 

        He grunted, but turned onto his side. “ _Petrificus Totalus_!”

        I used Professor Willostone’s shield charm to block the spell, but the time gave Lysander enough to undo his locked legs. He rose to his feet and came after me again. 

        I barely thought about the shields as we dueled, as they kept coming naturally. I would see flashes of black as my braids whipped around me when I spun, but when I saw my braid again, it was completely normal. 

        Around us, partners dropped and fell out of their duels and moved off to the side of the room, giving more room to those who were still going at it. 

        Soon enough, there were only two pairs left. Lysander and me, and Vidya against Melody. Lysander was determined to win, and I was adamant that I would not lose even if I was in a duel that wasn’t in my favor. If I did lose, bad things would come out of it, extremely bad things.

        At least, that’s what I couldn’t stop thinking. My mind had created the worst scenarios in my head, and had placed me in them, even if logically nothing terrible would happen if I lost to Lysander.

        A screech from Vidya pulled my attention to her. She landed on the floor and slid several inches, her wand rolling completely out of reach, before Melody stood over her, her gaze hard and her wand pointed at Vidya. Vidya gritted her teeth. She was grinding them, really.

        The distraction was all Lysander need to hit me with the leg locking curse and for me to fall to the ground. 

        My breath came out in labored pants. My chest heaved, and I could feel my curls sticking up everywhere. “I- I yield,” I said, and Lysander took the curse off me. I wiggled my toes as I pushed myself up with my arms. 

        “You’re done,” Melody said when Vidya continued to be silent, her voice flat. Not… cold. Just… emotionless? Like she really couldn’t care less, she was at her lowest point.

        She pulled away from Vidya and walked away. My attention was drawn from them and to the shadow that moved over me. Lysander stood above me, his hand outstretched. I flinched and scooted a bit away. 

        He cringed and drew his hand back, just a bit, but didn’t rescind his offer.

_Runrunrunrunrunrunrrun._

_No_ _. Stay,_

        I hesitantly took his hand and Lysander pulled me to my feet. Professor Willostone clapped her hands. “Good _show_ , everyone!” she called, a giant smile on her face. “Congratulations, to everyone who won. And better luck next time, to those who didn’t. Now, remember, whether you pass or not isn’t based on if you won, but how well you used the techniques I showed you so far. But that’s it! Class is over now. Go hydrate yourselves and get ready for Christmas. I’ll see you all next year!”

        I followed Lysander over to where our classmates were sitting on the floor. Someone handed me a flask of water, and someone handed me a towel to wipe the sweat away. The salt of it burned my eyes, and I only noticed the sensation after the adrenaline started to burn away. 

        “That so was _intense_ ,” Éowyn said, her eyes wide in Lysander’s direction. Her cheeks were pink, but her eyes sparkling. She jumped when Estella nudged her, and she turned her attention to me, even as her cheeks burned darker. “I mean! Both of you! It was- well, amazing is really the only word I can use, isn’t it?”

        “I know I sure don’t want to fight either of them,” Estella cut in. 

        “I would,” Jenna said. “I mean, _Lysander_. I’d really be up for testing my skill against him-”

        “No.” Lysander pulled his bag over his shoulder. They hunched, and he looked possibly even more tired than he had before class. “Just… no. I… no dueling.”

        Lysander marched out of the classroom, and I watched him go. Jenna leaned on my shoulder, and I fought the urge to smack her away. “Wonder what his problem is.”

        Much of the remainder of the day was spent packing. Those of us going home would have to get up early to the carriages taking us to Hogsmeade so we could take the train back to London. 

        It was exhausting, making sure I had all my clothes and books I needed so I could complete my homework for class. But as I laid in my bed, Mittens curled by my head, I still couldn’t sleep. 

        Without a sound, I sat up. Mittens shifted and I petted her until she calmed down. I pulled the blanket off of the bed, wrapping it around my shoulders, and made my way to the common room, my glasses held in my hand.

        I jumped and stumbled back when I saw someone still sitting in front of the fire. I pushed my glasses up my nose and made out the silhouette of Lysander. He was leaning forward, elbows on his knees and hands folded under his chin as he looked into the fire. 

        “Ly-Lysander?” I squeaked when he turned to me. I pulled the quilt even tighter around me. _Run. That’s the safe thing to do. Run. Runrunrunrunrunrunr-_

        “Oh. Hi, Kacie.”

 _Stay, Kacie. He… looks so sad. Stay. That’s the_ _kind_ _thing to do._

        “What- Um. What are- What you still doing up?” I slowly crept over to one of the plush yellow chairs and curled into it, my knees pulled up to my chest. 

        Lysander’s eyes lowered, and his voice was quiet as he spoke. “I… couldn’t sleep.”

        I nodded slowly, looking into the dying embers. “I understand,” I murmured. “I… I rarely sleep.”

        Lysander grinned, and it was the sleepy kind I’d come to recognize on him. “So I’ve noticed. You always look so exhausted.”

        I felt my ears burn. “Not like I can help it…” I grumbled. 

        We sat in relative silence for some time, the only sound between us that crackling of the fire. I pulled the quilt out from behind me and laid it over the front, pulling it up until the only thing left uncovered was my head. 

        “I- I’m used to running on little- on no- to not sleeping,” I said, “but aren’t- aren’t you- aren’t you going home for Christmas? Shouldn’t- Shouldn’t you- you should get some sleep, you know?”

        Lysander bowed his head, not looking at me. “I don’t know,” he muttered. “I should. I’ve got a little sister. Lilly. She’s waiting for me, you know? She needs me. I’ve gotta protect her. But I just… I don’t know if I can go back to _them_.”

        I almost felt like I understood him. I didn’t want to make assumptions, it would have been so wrong if I did and turned out to be wrong, but still I almost felt like I _knew_.

        I picked up a set of wizard chess someone had left out, and went over to Lysander. I held out the box, inviting, but not saying a word. He finally looked up after a moment, then joined me on the floor to play a game.

        One game turned into two, three, four. We played until dawn. Our sleepless night was evident by the dark circles under our eyes, and there was a point when a couple of house elves had to shoo us to a new place to play because we were in the way of their nightly cleaning. 

        But I didn’t feel quite so bad as I had, and Lysander looked remarkably better than when I first saw him. 

        “I think… I’ll go,” Lysander said, a heavy sigh leaving his lips. “Lilly… she needs me, right? And a big brother’s supposed to be there to protect their kid sisters.”

        I nodded, and we cleaned up the chess set before going our separate ways to go get ready for the day. 

        The other girls were still asleep, even as I finished getting dressed and ready. I was almost done with breakfast by the time Jenna, Heather, and Johnny joined me in the Great Hall. 

        “Kacie!” Jenna exclaimed, jumping and launching herself at me. “Merlin’s beard! No one could find you this morning and everyone was so worried!”

        I gently pushed her off of me. “I’m fine.”

        “And as always, my sister’s overreacting.”

        “Shut up, Johnny!”

        “By the way, Jenny, did you remember to take your medicine this morning?”

        “I told you not to call me Jenny! And yes, I did! Do I look like an idiot to you?!”

        “Do you really want me to answer that?”

        Slowly the others trickled in as the twins continued to argue while Heather and I quietly leaned on one another and ate our breakfast. 

        “Stella! Come on!” a dark skinned boy with unruly black hair called nearing the end of breakfast, waving at the group around the table. Estella jumped to her feet and picked up her trunk. 

        “Merlin’s beard, Tom! Patience!” Estella turned to us and waved. “Happy Christmas! I’ll see you all soon.” Then she went off with her elder brother. 

        “Aren’t you coming?” Heather asked Jenna and Johnny as we began to leave. 

        “We’ll join you on the train,” Johnny said. “If we don’t, we’ll see you in the new year. But we’ve got to stop by Professor Snape before leaving-”

        Jenna growled. “I ain’t doing it!”

        “I’m not doing a November again.” Johnny grabbed her wrist and gave Heather and I a sheepish smile before dragging her kicking and screaming. 

        Heather looked at me while biting her lip nervously. “Um, do you think she gets sick a lot or something?” she asked. I couldn’t answer, but I wondered the same. 

        On our way out to the carriages, Heather left me as well, squeaking and explaining that she’d forgotten one of her books for homework on her nightstand and rushed off back to the dorms to get it. 

        I made my way to the carriages alone, my shoes crunching in the snow and my cloak dragging along behind me. 

        By the time I’d reached the train, most of the cars were full. 

        I traveled down towards the end, though, in hopes I might find an empty car. I didn’t want to be around other people and have a major breakdown like I had the first time I’d rode the Hogwarts Express, but this time just so _happy_ to be returning home.

        “Hey, Kacie!” I turned to see Cho pop out of the door of a car. I grinned meekly and Cho waved excitedly. “You can come sit with us! Come on, come on!”

        Cho grabbed my wrist and basically pulled me into the car. All the students inside were first year Ravenclaws, but the only other one who I knew was Max, who sat curled up in a corner with his nose in a book, far away from everyone else. 

        Cho looked absolutely giddy as she held tightly onto my hand and bounced on her feet. 

        “Hi! Um. These are the girls in my house- I don’t think you’ve been formally introduced- everyone, this is Kacie! These are Opal-” The mousey brown haired girl she gestured to sat in the middle of two others, one with hair just a bit darker brown, and the other with a beautiful wavy auburn. Cho pointed to the two on either side of Opal “-Emillia, and Tatina. Then there’s Bala-”

        “I don’t care if you sit in here, but don’t talk to me. I don’t like associating with ignoramuses.” I could barely see the girl who spoke from behind her excessively large book. Just browned fingers curled around the edges and the littlest tip of black hair over the top. 

        I took a step away from her and accidentally ran into Cho. Cho frowned but turned back to me. “She’s really not that bad once you get to know her-”

        “You’re kidding, right? Bala’s a devil.”

        The girl to have spoken had cropped short red hair, bright and wild even though most of it was tied back in a short ponytail. She sat the closest to Max, one of her knees pulled up to her chest and the other dangling to the floor.

        “Danielle Thornton,” she said, giving me a salute. “Kassandra Addams, right? I mean, ‘course you are. Saw you in the sorting ceremony, and I’ve got a crystal clear memory. It’s pretty cool, if I do say so myself. Means I retain a lot of information, even if I don’t know I know something. Read a French to English dictionary once for fun. Can’t speak the language, but I sure can write in it-”

        The red haired girl on Danielle’s other side smacked Danielle while wearing a frown on her face. “She isn’t here to hear your life story,” she complained. 

        “Ah, and this is Marietta Edgecombe,” Cho said. “Good friends of mine.”

        Max finally looked up from his own book too stare at me. He looked around the car before turning back to his book. “There’s barely enough room of the eight of us in here, she’s not going to fit anywhere.”

        Bala huffed and snapped her book shut. “That’s it, I’m done. You’re all too loud in here, and I’m done with this small talk. I’m going to go find a quieter car; she can have my seat.”

        She took her trunk and pushed past me and Cho. Cho gave me a sympathetic look. “She’s a… little testy, sometimes. But come on! There’s an open seat now.”

        Cho ushered me to the seat and I found myself fidgeting uncomfortably across from Max and squished between the window and the auburn haired Tatina. There were several moments as the girls across from me stared at me. My face burned and I looked down, clenching my fists in the fabric on my lap.

        I wanted to hug Mittens, but she’d run off almost as soon as the train had started moving. 

        Cho cleared her throat lightly and brushed hair behind her ear. “How’re your classes going?” she asked, tilting her head. “I know you were pretty worried for a while there about Transfiguration and Potions…”

        I didn’t look up. My shoulders tensed. “I- um. It’s just- I- Um. Not great…” My voice trailed off into a barely there whisper. 

        “ _Wooooow_ . Never heard anyone with _that_ much of a speech problem. Trouble just getting one sentence out, seriously?” I looked up bashfully, feeling the heat spread from my cheeks. Opal had raised her eyebrow, and her black eyes bore into me. 

        I quickly looked away, and had I been an animal, I sure my hackles would have been raised. “It- It’s not- I don’t- It’s something- something I- I _can’t-_ I can’t control- _control_ it. I just- I’ve always- I- I can’t- I can’t-”

        I pushed up my glasses to hide the fact I wiped away the tears forming. _Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. Not now, not now, not now._

        “Dang, Opal. You’re seriously mean, you know?”

        “It’s not _my_ fault she’s so sensitive.”

        “Do you know what the definition of a bully is? As a noun: a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable. Synonyms: persecutor, oppressor, tyrant, tormentor, browbeater, intimidator, coercer, subjugator. As a verb: seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce someone perceived as vulnerable. Sentence example; her 11- year-old son has been constantly bullied at school. Synonyms: persecute, oppress, tyrannize, torment, browbeat, intimidate, cow, coerce, strong-arm, subjugate, domineer. Informally; push around or about. Sentence example: the other children used to bully him-”

        “You can shut up now, you walking encyclopedia,” Emilia said.

        “I think the word you’re looking for is _dictionary_. I’m a walking _dictionary-_ ”

        “Danielle, please.” That one was Tatina. 

        I shrunk into myself, trying to make myself look less noticeable, just more invisible. 

        Hufflepuff may have been the house of the honey badger, but Ravenclaw was the house of the eagle, and I felt like a mouse in the eagle’s nest.

        The train ride was far too long. 

        Max ended up falling asleep midway through the trip. His book fell on the ground, startling him awake. Immediately, there was a shield around him that forced Danielle to the ground. 

        It took several moments, his eyes wide and wild and his breathing out of sync, but eventually the shield went down. He picked up his book, but didn’t go back to reading it. He stared out the window at the sunset. 

        The the sky was dark by the time the train pulled in, but the lights were bright on the platform. The others all quickly found their families, feet dragging and tired as they met up, but Cho stayed by my side as I backed against a wall, looking at the crowd but not seeing Mom or Lydia. 

        Cho knocked her knuckles against mine. “You okay?” she asked. 

        I gave her a strange look, and she looked at the ground, kicking at the snow beneath our feet. Her breath came out in a smoky mist.

        “Earlier, on the train. It made you uncomfortable, didn’t it? You were stuttering a lot.”

        I turned away, pulling on one of my braids. My hands were cold, and it almost hurt to bend my fingers. I felt an ache in my body, but no explainable reason for it. “Um. It’s- That is- I- Er. Um. I just… it’s hard. With- With new people. People I don’t know- I don’t know very well. But, um, I’ve always- I’ve always stuttered. And I- And it- it’s probably… it probably won’t go away anytime soon.”

        Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Cho nodding. 

        “Oh hey! Cho!”

        I looked up as a boy ran over to us, wrapped under several layers and a long scarf wrapped around the lower half of his face and a hat pulled over his hair. He skidded to stop right in front of us, and I was drawn to the startling gold color of his eyes. 

_Run. Run. Run. Bad, bad, bad, bad. Runrunrunrunrun._

        The boy pulled his scarf down, blowing out a white puff of air while he shuffled around in his pockets. As he did so, I inched further along the wall to get further away from him. He let out a cheer as he pulled a small wrapped box out of his pocket. He held it out to Cho, small tuffs of caramel hair poking out from under his hat.

        “Mum told me to give this to you. It’s some Pu’er tea your dad wanted,” he explained. 

        Cho grinned, holding the box gently before placing it in her coat pocket. “Thanks, Ryan,” she said. She grabbed onto my wrist before I could sneak away into the crowd. She smiled at me. “This is Ryan Chambers. Our parents know each other. Ryan, this is Kacie Addams, a friend from school.”

 _Chambers_. Melody. The chilling look Melody wore all the time. The way she’d look at other students like she was a predator and they were her prey.

        “Oh, _you’re_ still here.”

        I jumped at the new voice. I looked up to see Vidya, snowflakes stark against the red of her hair. There was a frown set into her features. But it wasn’t directed at me or Cho. She stared intently at Ryan.

        “No need to worry about my _sister_. She’s already in the car.” Ryan turned to Vidya, his smile lowering. “Ross. How are things going without me there?”

        Vidya scowled. “As well as can be, _Chambers_. But doubt I need to remind you it’s only for the year.”

        Ryan furrowed his brows. “No, you don’t. I’m the one that asked you in the first place. Has she…?”

        “Only one. Hasn’t made a move yet.” I jumped when Vidya’s eyes suddenly met mine. I immediately averted my eyes. “She’s the one.”

        Ryan looked over at me, his eyes going wide. He schooled his features and pulled his scarf back over his mouth. “Sorry, I’ve got to go. Nice to meet you, Kacie. I’ll talk to you later, Cho.”

        He disappeared into the crowd and Vidya sighed heavily while shaking her head. “No manners on him. What do they teach them in that household? A psychopath and a freak. Geez.”

        Vidya disappeared as well, and I looked over at Cho. Her expression was just as confused as mine. 

        “What was that?” she asked. 

        I shrugged. 

        “Kacie! There you are! Come on, now!” I turned my head to see Mom waving at me, Lydia shuffling on her feet. 

        I looked back at Cho and she gave me an encouraging smile. “I’ll talk to you soon. Happy Christmas, Kacie.”

        I hummed, smiling back. “Merry Christmas, Cho.”

        I waved as I headed over to Mom and Lydia. Mom held tightly onto me, letting out a sigh of relief and all the tension in her body seemed to disappear. I dropped the handle of my trunk and held her back, missing the feeling of being in her arms. 

        “How was school, Kacie?” she asked as we parted. 

        I twisted the end of one of my braids around my finger while giving her a meek grin. “Well… I’m not dead yet, so that’s got to count for something, right?”

        Lydia groaned. “Come on, hurry it up!” she exclaimed, jumping from one foot to the other. “Some of us have been waiting in the cold _forever_ and are turning into popsicles!”

        Mom chuckled, wrapping an arm around each of our shoulders. “Come on, girls, let’s get home.” I leaned into her happily until we got to the car. 

        As we pulled out of the station, I looked out the window and up to the sky. 

 _It’s beginning to snow…_  


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kacie returns to Aberdeen after many months away. And she finds, exactly, how odd it feels to stand in the doorway of two completely contradictory worlds when she, in turns, feels she belongs in neither one.

         Mom, of course, had so many questions about school. 

_Yes, of course my classes are going well. I’m passing most of them. No, there’s a couple I’m not doing too well in._

_Yes, my teachers are all wonderful. Yes, I’ll let Professor Sinistra know you’re wishing her well when I return._

_Yes, I’m doing well. Yes, I’m eating. Yes, I’m sleeping._

_No, I’m not closing myself off and pushing people away._

        And that started a whole new barrage of questions about my… friends. Actual _friends_. Lydia wasn’t the only one who couldn’t believe it. 

        With as much detail as I could, I told Mom and Lydia all about my year so far in Hogwarts. 

        When I told Lydia about Opal and how the freckles on her cheeks looked like whiskers and reminded me of a mouse, she smirked and snorted. “Sound less like _mousey_ ,” she said. “And more like _ratty_.”

        I couldn’t help but laugh, even as I berated her. 

        Everything was quiet, peaceful. I could lounge around the house without worry of being interrupted by someone else or suddenly cornered by a boy. It made me feel much better, and calmed quite a bit of my anxiety. 

        But before I could enjoy Christmas, Mom took me in for a doctor’s appointment. 

        The pediatrician’s office was pastel. Colored stripes were painted along the bottom of the very light yellow walls, and around the rooms were little cartoon images that I’d imagine would usually be put in a toddler’s room. 

        Candles burned at the nurse’s station- candied apples and pumpkin pie and woodsmoke and pine and all things Christmas-y. I wrinkled my nose, resisting the urge to sneeze. I kicked my feet back and forth. 

        “Kassandra Addams?”

        A nurse came out of the examinations rooms and called my name. I looked over at Mom and she nodded, following behind me into the back. Lydia stayed in her seat, curling her legs under her and focusing solely on her book.

        They took my height- 158.6 centimeters, or roughly five feet, two inches. An entire two inches taller than the last time I’d been measured. Then, my weight was 39 kilograms. Mom converted it to 85 pounds when I looked at her, confused. 

        The nurse clicked her tongue before leading me to the examination room.

        “Well, sit tight. Dr. Stone will be with you shortly,” she said after doing her usual rounds of pre-check up things. 

        Then we were left alone.

        Dr. Stone was a man that was very hard to be scared of. He rarely came in in the prim white doctor’s coat most others did, instead wearing sweater vests and khakis. He looked infinitely kind, and he never pushed. He waited patiently until I could get my words out, and he never made me feel like an idiot for not understanding something. He was very understanding about the fact that I had only recently- but perhaps recently wasn’t the best word, it had been over a year- moved to England from the extremely different America. 

        It helped that I was never alone with him, and Mom was always with me. 

        I sat on the bed, kicking my feet back and forth while studying one of the posters on the wall. Something to do with allergies, and the most common ones found in young children. 

        The door opened silently, but Dr. Stone cleared his throat as he walked in to alert us to his presence. “Good morning, ladies,” he said, taking a seat at the desk. He placed his clipboard on it, looking intently at the notes the nurse had made. “How are you doing, Kacie? Excited for Christmas?”

        I nodded slowly, slowing my kicking down. “Um. Ye-Yeah. I’m- I’m okay. And excited. Christmas is- Christmas is good.”

        Dr. Stone chuckled, looking up at me and pushing his clipboard away a bit. “Indeed,” he agreed. 

        He crossed his legs and leaned on the arm of his chair. “I’ve been told you’re only here for the holiday, and you’ve moved to an away school?” I nodded. “How is that going?”

        I bit my lip, hesitating. I pulled on my braid and twisted it. “Goo-Good. It’s- It’s good.” Dr. Stone smiled and nodded, but didn’t speak again, waiting for me to continue. I gulped. “I. Um. I actually- I’ve been- I’ve actually been getting along- I get along well with my roommates. And. Um. There’s- There’s some that might- they might be friends?”

        Dr. Stone’s smile widened. “That’s very good!” he said. “It sounds like progress from your last visit.” I couldn’t help but burn at the praise. I averted my gaze away. “But are they feeding you enough?”

        I jumped at the question. I quickly looked back, suddenly feeling defensive. “Yes!” I exclaimed. “Al-Always! Every meal feels like a feast!”

        Dr. Stone raised a hand in surrender and backed off. “I simply had to ask because you’ve lost weight again,” he said, his voice going soft but direct. “We’ve spoken about this. For your height and age, you need to gain a little more. It’s not healthy. What’s wrong, Kacie?”

        I looked at Mom, and she tilted her head at Dr. Stone. She’d said it so many times before, I didn’t even need to hear it to know what she was thinking- _Don’t tell me, I’m not the doctor_. 

        I shifted uneasily and turned back to Dr. Stone. The sharp tug I gave my braid bordered on painful. My chest felt tight, like I couldn’t breathe. “I- I get- I just- I’m always- I- I- I can’t- nervous. I start shake- start shaking and- and I- and I can’t _breathe_ and- and- and-”

        “Deep breaths, Kacie. In- there you go, nice and slow. And out the same way… Good. One more time with me.” I pulled in a deep breath, then let it out slowly, following Dr. Stone’s breathing. The tightness in my chest dissipated a bit. “Are you alright now?” I nodded. “Do you want to continue?” I shook my head. “We can wait until you’re ready.”

        The silence seemed loud in my ears. _Too loud, too quiet. Deep breaths. In, and out. Breathe, Kacie._

        I fidgeted after several moments of long silence. Dr. Stone noticed the movement, but didn’t say a word. 

        I bit my lip and looked down at my feet. “Sometimes… Sometimes I don’t- I _can’t_ eat,” I mumbled. “It- It hurts to try. I get so- so scared and- and my stomach twists into knots and- and- and I just don’t get hungry.”

        Dr. Stone nodded in understanding. He situated so he was completely facing me. “I want you to know right now that you’re not in trouble, alright?” he said, looking me in the eye to make sure I was listening. Looking people in the eye always gave me an odd feeling, like an itch I couldn’t scratch. I nodded and he blinked, breaking the contact. “This is part of the anxiety. It’s nothing you’re going to get in trouble for. It’s nothing bad. We talked about this, remember?”

        My first appointment with Dr. Stone, a couple months after we’d moved to Aberdeen, Mom had explained how I’d dealt with this- this _nervousness_ for many years, “panic attacks” at times. I’d gone to the doctor, but everytime a doctor had so much as suggested I might have anxiety, that there might be something _wrong_ with me, Dad had exploded, and I’d immediately been switched to a new doctor.

        He hadn’t done a lot of talking to me then during that first visit, mostly to Mom about previous things I’d gone to the doctor for before- illnesses, allergies, injuries. I just needed to be present because it was about me.

        After the establishing appointment, I’d gone to Dr. Stone for several things. 

        “I can’t technically diagnose her,” Dr. Stone said, “because my job is a pediatrician. But I did work with a therapist for several years, and I know the signs. It’s very likely she has an anxiety disorder.”

        After that, Dr. Stone sat down in front of me and explained what “anxiety” was. It wasn’t something _bad…_ just different. Something out of my control, but it _didn’t_ make me a freak. He explained to both me and Mom different ways to help with my anxiety, how to prevent my fears from taking control, how to ease me out of a panic attack if it escalated. 

        I did remember us talking about it. I tried to remember it, because I knew Lydia thought I was a freak and Mom… Mom was _trying_. But I _was_ a freak. None of my siblings were like me, and it left Mom without a clue how to help me with it.

        I nodded to Dr. Stone. 

        Dr. Stone nodded as well. “I know we agreed that we’d see how it went without medical intervention, but if it’s escalating like this… We don’t want you wasting away.”

        I clenched the paper that was laid out on the bed. “No- No pills,” I whimpered. 

        “No pills, then. There are some other options. We could always get you into therapy…” I shook my head sharply at the suggestion. Dr. Stone hummed as he looked through the notes on the clipboard. He turned back to me. “If you can get your weight up, and you’re not experiencing the symptoms as heavily by our next visit, I’ll be willing to drop the subject. If not, we’ll be talking more in depth about this, alright? Is that okay?” I nodded. 

        He proceeded with the rest of the check up normally; checking my eyes, my ears, my mouth, my reflexes. He asked about my knee and the exercises at home he’d told me to do to strengthen it; only hurt too much when it was cold, and I did the exercises at least once a week. (I’d done them more at home, but now that I went to Hogwarts, it felt weird doing them in front of people, so I only did them when everyone was gone)

        “Well, it seems that you didn’t make another appointment for the insomnia… is it getting better?” I shook my head at Dr. Stone’s question. “What’s wrong?” I was quiet. “Am I right to assume you didn’t take them?” A nod. “Why?”

        I hesitated before licking my dry lips. “It’s- Um. I- I just- When- When I _do_ take them, I feel- I don’t feel… okay? I. Um. I wake up… I wake up feeling… feeling heavy? Um. It’s- It’s _weird_. I don’t- It’s hard to- hard to get out of bed.”

        “It’s normal to feel groggy when you take them, but you need to follow the instructions if you want them to work.”

        I shook my head, furrowing my eyebrows. “N-No. It’s- It’s not groggy. Um. I- It’s- I don’t…” I bit my lip hard enough to leave an indent. My shoulders shook. “When I wake up, I don’t- I don’t want to _exist_. Not- Not _die_. That would be- It’d be still existing, at least at one point. But… But like I never existed at all. I don’t- I don’t like feeling like that, Dr. Stone. It- It scares- It scares me.”

        Mom looked horrified when she turned to me. Dr. Stone’s expression remained carefully calm. I folded my hands in my lap and stared intently at them to avoid looking at either of the adults. 

        “Perhaps… we might try something else,” Dr. Stone suggested. “Because that is indeed a very dangerous thought to have.”

        I pulled at my braid, giving a sharp nod. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Mom’s hand fidgeting. “We’ve tried everything. Sleep therapy, hypnosis for the nightmares, and now these pills… nothing’s worked.”

        I fidgeted in my seat. “But I’m still functioning… my grades haven’t dropped too low… I’m keeping up… mostly…” I mumbled, wrapping the braid around my hand like a rope. 

        Dr. Stone continued to look at my mother, and I wasn’t sure if he’d heard me at all. “I will look into other methods, Mrs. Addams, and we can discuss further options next time.” He stood, and Mom followed him. He held out his hand and Mom shook it. “However, if there are any drastic changes, you know my number.” He turned to me with his kind smile. “Well, little lady, it seems we’re done here. I’ll see you in six months, hopefully you won’t need me sooner.”

        I nodded and hopped off the bed. I followed Mom out of the room and as she made the appointment for my next check up. 

        Christmas came shortly after. 

        After growing up in such a large family, it still felt weird for it to only be the three of us. And things were so different in England from what it was like in America. It didn’t snow as much in Aberdeen as it did in Idaho.

        Mom gave me a knitted scarf and a pair of dragon earrings. Lydia gave me a couple of red hair ribbons with my name embroidered in gold. 

        “We were learning embroidery in Home Ec, so don’t get too excited about it,” she grumbled. 

        I stuck my tongue out at her and tied the ribbons to the ends of my braids when I got dressed. 

        I also received a hefty box full of books from family back home- they’d all pitched in to buy them and send them to me. The entire _Lord of the Rings_ collection, along with _The Hobbit_. My sets had been left at home when we left Idaho, and they’d been worn anyway.

        Dee sent pictures back, the note on the back of one where she posed with her orange cat Jake explained that she’d bought a polaroid camera so she could send pictures back to me.

        It was small. Quiet. Entirely _too_ quiet. Especially compared to the Christmases back home in America.

        During dinner, we received a phone call from the family. Mom cried as Lydia put it on speaker phone and we all gathered around it. Not a whole lot of talking got done- too many people on the other side, and too much sobbing on this side. 

        But it was nice, at least. 

        It felt… better. Familiar. Even if they were so far away, they were still _there_. 

        “We love you!” someone shouted as it started getting late, followed by an outrageously loud “Merry Christmas!” and the stragglers calling out their holidays well wishes out of sync.

        The line beeped, and Lydia put the speaker back on the base. 

        Mom wiped at her eyes, smiling and happy. “What a wonderful Christmas indeed,” she said.

        The rest of break seemed to move slowly, almost in a dream state. 

        I didn’t feel _settled_ anymore. It was like I felt when I first moved to Aberdeen. Picked out of my setting and placed into an entirely different one I looked so out of place in. 

        But I had… some fun. Lydia took me to the £1 theater to see ‘Home Alone’ when Mom had to go into work in the middle of the day. It was funny, but Lydia gave me a look and arched her eyebrow like, _Don’t get any funny ideas_. I could have said the same to her. Kevin’s actions seemed more up her alley than mine. 

        We wandered around the park one day, and stopped in a place where there snow piled up to our knees. By the time we were done in the clearing, there was an entire family of snowmen (and snowwomen) gathered in the middle, and a very obvious dent in the snow. 

        All of Lydia’s were perfectly smooth and evenly built, and she teased me for my lumpy snowpeople. I tackled her into the snow, and it resulted into a scuffle followed by a snowball fight. 

        I let out a loud, carefree laugh as one of Lydia’s snowballs missed me, instead thumping against the tree I hid behind. 

        I turned my head and leaned around the tree to tease Lydia about her aim when I spotted a group on the other side of the park. 

        “So she returns!” the leader of the boys crowed. I trembled and wanted to hide behind the tree again, but they’d already seen me. Lydia stood, making a move to stand between me and the group of boys, but they continued closer anyway, completely ignoring her. “Who would have thought Kacie Addams would come back! You just seemed to have disappeared after good ol’ Henry's little stint. Whatcha doing back here, Addams?”

        “I’m warning you, leave her alone,” Lydia finally stated, stepping in front of them fully. Even from where I stood, I could see the dangerous look in her eyes. “Leave her alone.”

        The boy tilted his head and snorted. “We just wanna talk-”

        “I highly doubt that, you big lout.”

        The boy’s eyes narrowed and he growled menacingly. “And what would you be able to do about it?” he demanded. 

        Lydia flexed her fingers, clenching them into fists. “Likely not something pretty,” she said. 

        The boy reached an arm out- perhaps in an attempt to push Lydia out of the way- but he never got the chance to do anything. Lydia grabbed onto his wrist, sharply pulling him forward. She lifted her knee, and it got him in the groin, making me cringe when he landed in the snow with a groan.

        “You’re an awful human being to pick on kids younger than you,” Lydia sneered. 

        The boy looked up at her with a snarl, less effective seeing as he held tightly to his stomach and was red in the face, but not from the cold. 

        “And you’re just as much of a freak as your sister, Addams!”

        Lydia tensed. She gritted her teeth. I moved without thinking, dashing forward and tripping over my own feet and the snow. I grabbed onto her arm, clinging to it tightly before her fist could make contact with him. 

        “Lydie, let’s just go home,” I whimpered. _Please, please, please._ “I just wanna go home, Lydie.”

        Lydia let out a feral, growl like sound again, but dropped her arm. She did give the boy one last kick, and he let out a sharp whine. But Lydia all too quickly grabbed painfully tight onto my wrist and dragged me along. I tugged on my braid, trying to calm my racing heartbeat.

        “That was a very stupid thing to do,” Lydia berated me as she dragged me down the sidewalk just a block from home. “Who knows if you could have stopped me before I swung- or if those other _idiots_ had started in on it too-”

        “But you would have gotten in trouble if you fought with them…” I said softly, allowing her to pull me. “You could have gotten hurt… or their parents would have argued with Mom because you fought with them…”

        Lydia huffed, pulling her hand away from me and sticking them deep into her pockets. “Quit worrying so much about me,” she snapped. “ _I’m_ the big sister. I’m supposed to be the one looking after your dumb ass!”

        “You’re not supposed to say that…”

        “Yeah? And who’s gonna stop me?”

        I only hummed in reply, sticking my hands into my own pockets and falling into step with Lydia. 

        First semester grades came a week before school started up again. 

        I let out a whine as I looked at my list. 

        Flying… Acceptable.

        Herbology… Acceptable. 

        Astrology…Exceeds Expectations.

        Defense Against the Dark Arts… Outstanding.

        History of Magic… Exceeds Expectations.

        Potions… Acceptable.

        Charms… Exceeds Expectations.

        Transfiguration…Troll.

        “So the ‘T’ stands for _Troll_?” Lydia questioned after I explained all the letters and meanings to Mom. “How are you _that_ bad?”

        I whined again, burying my face in my arms on the table. “I don’t know,” I mumbled. 

        “You can’t just focus on _one_ class,” Mom said, looking proudly at my report card. “Look at how well she’s doing in the rest of them!” She wrapped me up tightly in a hug. “Oh, my baby’s growing up so quickly and she’s doing so well! I’m so proud!”

        I pulled away from Mom. “Um. Thanks. Um. I just- I just remembered that I was assigned homework over break and I don’t know if I’ve finished it yet… so… I’m gonna… I’m gonna go do that.”

        I quickly turned on my heels and ran back to my room, shutting the door behind me and leaning on it to prevent anyone from coming in. 

        Mittens stretched on my bed before hopping off of it. I slid to the floor and she curled up on my lap, nudging my hand until I petted her. I smile, running my hands through her fur. 

        But then I heard Mom’s _I’m so proud!_ in the back of my mind. _Proud_. She was proud of me, even though I was a failure. Even if it was likely I would _continue_ to fail. Anything good was… a fluke. Just a fluke. 

_She’s proud and I’m going to disappoint her and then she’s going to be upset and Ican’tIcan’tIcan’tIcan’tIcan’t-_

        I closed my eyes tightly and curled into myself, Mittens making a noise of complaint when she was suddenly thrown off of me. I buried my face in my knees, my chest painfully tight. Mittens curled around my foot, but I barely noticed. She just seemed so far away.

        When it was time for me to get back on the train to Hogwarts, Mom was weepy. She held me tightly, though not as tightly as in the beginning of the year. 

        “I’m so proud of you, Kacie,” she whispered. “Keep doing good. I love you.”

        I nodded into her chest before pulling away. “Love you,” I murmured before heading towards the train. 

        “Hey!” I turned around to Lydia. Her expression was scrunched up in a frown, her eyebrows furrowed, hands deep in her pockets. “Don’t let any lame asses push you around, you hear me? Just ‘cause I ain’t there doesn’t mean that you can let them pick on you.”

        I smiled softly, nodding before waving and getting on the train. 

        It jerked as I walked down the aisle, looking for a seat. 

        I found Jenna and Johnny alone in a car, Agatha curled up on a seat opposite of them with a smokey grey cat. I pushed the door open and the twins looked up towards me. I shuffled on my feet.

        “Um… is it… would it be… can I sit with you?”

        Jenna’s expression brightened. “Yeah!” she said. “Come on! Heather should be back soon too, but we’ve totally got enough room!”

        I nodded and entered the car. I went to put my trunk on one of the racks above the seats, but it almost fell on me several times. Johnny left his seat and took the trunk from me, putting it in its place with ease. 

        When I sat on the seat across from them, I let Mittens out of her carrier. She jumped off my lap and over to the sleeping cats. She pushed on Agatha’s head with one of her paws and Agatha opened one of her eyes before flicking Mittens with her tail and turning away with a huff.

        “The grey one’s Alfred,” Johnny explained. “He’s my cat. The only one of Agatha’s kittens we ever kept.”

        Jenna hissed, reaching up to scratch at her neck. I noticed the white bandages wrapped tightly around it. “But he’s a whole lot more mild mannered than she is. I would have rathered have him than that old mangy thing.”

        “But you’re the only one Agatha will let touch her.”

        “You think clawing at me and scratching me is letting me touch her?”

        “Um, is that what happened to your neck?” I asked, causing Jenna to jump. “It’s just. Um. I- I- was wondering…”

        Jenna stopped scratching and instead rubbed the bandages. She looked away. “…Yeah.” 

        I didn’t want to call her a liar, but I could tell the affirmation wasn’t completely truthful. She wouldn’t meet my eyes, and it didn’t sound quite as… sound, or firm maybe, as someone telling the truth would. 

        The closer I looked, the more I could see. The thin, white, almost fully healed mark on Johnny’s cheek. The bandages creeping out from under his long sleeve. The cracked tips of Jenna’s fingernails, the way she pulled on her own sleeves and her scarf to hide the bandages.

        I didn’t want to ask. I didn’t want to push. But I wanted to _know_. There was something going on, and it included both of them. 

        I fidgeted in place, hands closing into fists around the hem of my shirt. 

        Someone had mentioned ‘the Changeling curse.' What was the curse? What happened? Was it _real_?

        Heather came back eventually, her hands and knuckles wrapped tightly under white bandages as well. 

        She turned pink and looked away when she was asked what happened. 

        “Got in a fight over break,” she said in her quiet voice. Someone with her demeanor didn’t seem like someone who’d do something like get in a fist fight, but I suppose that’s what they mean when they say that you can’t judge a book by its cover.

        Quiet small talk was made, and when the trolly lady came by, Johnny and Jenna bought all of us a bottle of pumpkin juice and pumpkin pasties, along with a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavored Beans to split between the twins. 

        “They mean _every_ flavor,” Jenna said. “There was this white one Johnny got once and Mum _really_ freaked out because it was-”

        “We are _not_ going to talk about it,” Johnny said, clapping a hand over Jenna’s mouth. “All I’m going to say on the matter is that she threw an angry fit that a five year old got it and they don’t make it anymore. Anyway, you want to try one?”

        Heather and I were both given a jelly bean. Heather paled when she tasted hers, delicately spitting it out into a napkin. No one asked her what the flavor was. 

        Mine tasted like concrete. My brain supplied the memory of the taste of iron and copper, like pennies. I thought back to the time I’d tripped in elementary school and broken one of my front teeth. It had been an adult tooth, so it wouldn’t grow back in. Until the dentist could fix it and fill in the large hole, I’d had a lisp. I didn’t talk for a while.

        I chewed on the bean slowly, but felt like I was grinding on concrete.

        We arrived at Hogsmeade, and the others soon joined us. Lysander and Samuel joined us in the carriage that brought us to the school. 

        Lysander looks tired as always, slumping in his seat and burrowing in his coat, hood hanging over his head. There’d been a bruise over one of his eyes when I’d caught a glimpse of his face. 

        I tentatively reached out a hand and had barely brushed his shoulder. Lysander jerked, his hood falling out of his face as he looked at me, bug eyed. I quickly retracted my hand, holding my wrist tightly and wondering what, exactly, I was thinking. Reaching out for a man? A boy. 

_Why did I do that? Why would I? Obviously he wouldn’t want to be touched- Obviously it was unwelcomed- And it’s dangerous anyway- dangerdangerdangerdangerrunrunrunrunrunrun-_

        My mouth went dry. I couldn’t tell you if I was breathing or not. “I- Um. I’m sorry! I was just- I- Um. Er. I- That is- Um. How’s Lilly?!”

        Lysander reached up and pulled his hood over his head, though I saw the glimpse of a smile. “She’s… good,” he murmured. 

        “Lilly? Who’s Lilly?” Jenna asked, looking between the two of us. 

        Lysander rubbed his hands together and huddled further into himself before answering. “My sister,” he said simply. 

        “You have a sister?!” 

        “… This was just established.”

        “Yeah, but- how did _Kacie_ find out before anyone else?!”

        Lysander shrugged, blowing into his hands. Johnny and Samuel both looked on in amusement as Jenna freaked out. 

        Lysander looked at me and I turned pink as I looked away from him and out of the carriage.

        I poked Heather’s shoulder and pointed when she turned to me. We were reaching the school. And just like with the boats, it was a magnificent view. 

        “It almost feels like coming home,” Jenna said, scrunching up her nose with a giggle on her lips. 

        “It really did feel kinda weird after being away for so long, didn’t it?” Heather agreed. 

        Strange. Weird. Different. Unsettling. 

        It felt like floating on a cloud as we returned. 

        I hadn’t felt settled at home, feeling so out of place because I wasn’t like Mom and Lydia. I was magic and they weren’t. I didn’t belong there. But it was _home_. It was… the only version of belonging I knew.

        I didn’t feel quite settled at Hogwarts either. It still felt strange, unnatural. I didn’t grow up with magic, so I felt like I didn’t belong there either. And there was so much I had to learn, too many places I had yet to see. It wasn’t quite home. But… it wasn’t _wrong_ , either.

        I stood in the middle of two worlds. A doorway from one to the next. 

        I brushed whips of hair behind my ear as I sucked in a deep breath. 

        “I’m ready,” I whispered, closing my eyes. “I’m ready.” _For whatever comes my way._

_At least, I hope._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beautiful beta got it on the first try, but does anyone else want to guess what flavor of jelly bean Johnny got?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New year? New Kacie. At least, if you consider bullying, detention, and overcoming obstacles to make someone a new person. Just back from winter holidays, and many things are happening already.

        I was not, in fact, ready for whatever Hogwarts had to throw at me. 

        Actually, I feel like it was trying to toss absolutely _everything_ in my direction and was laughing as I fumbled to catch it- only to fail. Miserably. 

        School started back up with a gusto and we dove right back into the lessons so quickly I was afraid I’d get whiplash. I ended up taking several trips to the little clearing in the woods. 

        But that was something else incredibly miserable. 

        The path to get there had snow piled up to my knees and if there wasn’t snow, it was mud. I often wished for the warmth of the kitchens, but kept on and always settled in the clearing against a tree. 

        I would forget all about the damp and the cold and the mud and simply marvel at the forest. How icicles hung long from the branches of trees; blank, pure white snow aided in the illusion of silence. 

        I rarely ever saw color besides the white of the snow and the dark color of the ground beneath and the rough grey of the trees. But I can’t say I _never_ did, because occasionally I saw red. Hardly ever did I meet the twin boys with the stark red hair, and never did I see them as far as I went, but they were in the forest often enough.

        Classes, themselves, were… difficult, is possibly the only word I could use. 

        Professor McGonagall kept me after class one day and told me that if I didn’t raise my grades before the end of the year, I’d be in danger of getting too far behind. And if I got too far behind, she’d have to find me a tutor. And the way she said it chilled me to the bone. I couldn’t look her in the face or even go to class without burning in embarrassment for several days afterwards. 

        I often found my mind wandering more and more in History of Magic. I would try to focus, I would _tell_ myself to focus on the lesson, but the more I thought about that, the more I would miss because I wasn’t _actually_ paying attention. It was a good thing that Professor Binns noticed absolutely nothing… ever.

        Professor Snape was as unpleasant as ever, and the way he sneered so nastily at Jenna made me even more uncomfortable. 

        It was exceptionally bad one day when we had Potions with the Slytherins. 

        Damien Darrell tossed some nettles into Jenna and Brutus’s potion while they argued over the correct method of getting the juice out of one of the ingredients, not watching their cauldron. The potion sparked and bubbled until it turned an ugly, sickly green when it was supposed to turn pale and rather purple. 

        Professor Snape sneered while Brutus and Jenna both scrambled to look between the potion and the book, trying to figure out where they went wrong before the potion exploded. 

        “Complete imbeciles,” Professor Snape sneered when he practically glided over. “What did you bumbling _fools_ -”

        I raised my hand hesitantly, gulping. Professor Snape’s hard, cold gaze snapped towards me and my mouth went dry. “Uh. Um. Professor. Um. Sir. They didn’t- They weren’t- It wasn’t them. Damien- Damien threw things into the potion-”

        Damien scoffed. “I haven’t moved from my station,” he stated proudly, fully convinced he was a perfectly good liar. “If anyone messed with the potion, it was probably _her_.”

        “You dirty rotten little _snake-_ ” Jenna growled, only for Johnny to grab tightly onto her arm. She shook him off as Professor Snape glared at her. 

        “Twenty points from Hufflepuff, Addams, for endangering classmates by purposefully messing with the potion, and blatantly lying to a teacher-”

        “Sir, it’s a well known fact that both Damien and Gertrude are pathological liars.” I jumped and spun around to see Melody staring blankly at Professor Snape. The corners of her eyes crinkled when her lips twisted up into a sadistic smile. “Could he not be lying now?”

        At the table next to Melody, Vidya held far too tightly onto her knife. Her knuckles were white and she was gritting her teeth. The look in her eyes was so murderous, I almost thought the knife might end up _in_ someone.

        “I hate to agree with Chambers, but the fact is that Addams didn’t do it, and neither did Changeling or Short,” she snapped. “Just about anyone in this room could attest to the fact Darrell did it.”

        Without another word, she went back to working on her potion. Damien only got cuffed up the back of his head before Professor Snape went back to his desk. 

        Heather shook her head as she separated some of our ingredients. “He’s a mean man,” she murmured, and I only nodded in agreement. 

        Jenna started looking rather pale again late January. Her brown skin took on a grey sheen and she wobbled on her feet, unable to stay focused or standing for long. Professor Flitwick instructed me and Heather to take her to the infirmary. 

        Johnny side eyed her as we passed by. “Told you you needed to take it.”

        Jenna furrowed her brows and growled. “Shut up, Johnny, you stupid ferret.”

        I looked between them, but they looked away from one another before a word could be said edgewise. 

        Once in the infirmary, Madam Pomfrey led Jenna behind a curtain, tsking and berating her for not taking her medicine. I once again found myself rather curious about what kind of illness Jenna had that incapacitated her so often- and if the medicine helped her, why she so often refused to take it. 

        Heather stayed, following Madam Pomfrey behind the curtain to make sure Jenna would be alright. But Madam Pomfrey shooed me out of the infirmary, telling me I visited her enough on my own validation, and she didn’t need to see me even more. And Jenna, herself, was in need of some serious rest and too many visitors would only excite her.

        So I left, my feet dragging on the ground as I made my way back to class. 

        I pulled on a braid as I walked down the silent corridors, the only sound being the clack of the soles of my shoes on the stone floor. 

        I slowed when I noticed other footsteps had joined me. There was a huffy laugh and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. I whipped around, seeing a flash of black before it disappeared. 

        My brain wouldn’t, couldn’t, focus on that fact. Not when there were three older students standing before me. Each of them taller, broader. Sharper. 

        There was a boy, with dark brown hair. A wicked smirk on his features, showing off blinding white teeth. He stood in front of the other two. 

        The other boy was shorter, skinnier. Almost skin and bones. All sharp angles and twisted joints, pointed elvish ears sticking out beneath black hair. 

        The girl was… terrifyingly beautiful. Perfect lines made her figure and mouth, cutting glass formed her eyes. She ran a hand through her hair, flipping it out mockingly while the three of them stared at me. 

        “You must be the little mudblood that humiliated our housemate,” the boy in front said, his voice cool, like ice. 

        My knees locked. I couldn’t breathe. 

        I _flinched_ at the word mudblood. It was a sneer. An awful word. Even if I didn’t know what it meant. Even if I couldn’t tell the full length that it meant, I could tell it was not something anyone respectable would call anyone else.

_Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Danger. It’s dangerous. They’re not nice- I have to move- Run. Run. runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunRUNRUNRUN- WHY CAN’T I MOVE?!_

        The boy at the front of the trio lifted his wand, his words only finding cotton filled ears. “You humiliated him- in front of the entire class- in front of Professor Snape- and we’re not too pleased about that-”

        I stumbled one step back on shaking legs. Then another. One. Two. Three. I was running, but I couldn’t remember making my feet move. 

_Runrunrunrunrun-_

        But then I was floating. 

        My feet weren’t touching the floor. And I was rising higher and higher- I closed my eyes tightly, trying to curl in on myself.

        The movement only served to make my glasses fall from my face and to the floor, leaving me unsure if they cracked. I could feel myself be turned upside down, and I felt bile rise in my throat- though rise doesn’t terribly feel like the right word in that context. 

        I felt dizzy, out of place. _Floating. Sinking. Swimming. Fallingfallingfalling-_

        “Look at those stupid plaits!”

        “Reminds you of a baby, doesn’t it?”

        “Oi! Mudblood! Put on a show up there, yeah?”

        Spinning. Spinning. Spinning. I couldn’t see. Everything was dark. My eyes were closed- or were they open?

_Stop. Stop it. Let me down. Let me down._

_Help me. Help me. Help me._

        A chill went through my body. My arms itched. There was sand in my shoes. 

_Stop it. Stop it._

        Mocking laughter echoed in my ears, drowning out everything else. 

_Down. Down. Down. Downdowndown-_

        There was a clash, and my eyes opened wide. I pulled in a deep breath, right side up, my lungs not wanting to work with me. The three older students whipped around in the direction of the clash. 

        “We need to get out of here!”

        And then suddenly I was dropped onto the ground, without a care in the world. 

        I landed with a hard thump on the stone, sure I’d have bruises. The cold stone had cut into my knees and the palms of my hands, and I could already feel the bleeding scratches stinging. My sight was blurry, and it wasn’t just because I couldn’t see without my glasses. 

        There was an amused cackle above me. My chest heaved as I pushed myself to my knees. “Huffly-puff sat on a wall, Huffly-puff had a great fall! And all-”

        “Leave me alone, Peeves!” I screamed, my voice hoarse, my chest heaving. I wanted to cry. Needed to cry. But the tears wouldn’t come. I was forced to feel the ache of sobbing, but without actually doing so. And it hurt so much worse. “Leave me alone!”

        My hand touched the familiar texture of my glasses, and I held them in my hand. Within seconds, I had them clasped in my fist and running down the hallway. To where, I’m not sure. I don’t think I had a destination in mind. Only that I had to release the energy burning beneath my skin, the feeling of needing to _flee_. 

        I remember ending up in a girl’s toilet, sitting between a couple of mirrors and facing the circular compound of sinks, my knees pulled up to my chest and my glasses several paces away. 

        “Worthless,” I mumbled under my breath, curling into myself and wishing that I could just… disappear.

        “Yes, they are, quite.” I jumped and would have scrambled back if my back hadn’t already been pressed up against the wall. There was a blurry, silvery, wispy form of a girl leaning over my glasses. “The Mending Charm should fix them right up, though. Ever thought of it?”

        “Uh- Um- I- I don’t-”

        The girl sighed. “You haven’t learned that, have you?” she said tiredly. “Go on then! Get out your wand! I’ll show you.” I stayed frozen for several moments. The girl huffed. “Well?”

        I jumped and fumbled to pull my wand out of the sleeve of my robe. I held it lightly, quickly sitting up straight and feeling like I was in class again. 

        “Hmph. Probably can’t see well, but I’m sure we’ll manage to figure it out- it’s all about knowing where to have the sharp lines and simple curves…” The girl ordered me to wave my wand several times, but it was hard to replicate her movements when everything was so blurry. She put her hands on her hips and cocked her head to the side. “I think that’ll be good enough for something so small. Go on, the incantation is _Reparo_.”

        I squeaked and fumbled for my glasses. One of my fingers went through an empty lense, the broken glass making me flinch back. 

        “Careful!” the girl exclaimed. 

        I flinched away from her tone and picked up the glasses, placing the salvaged glass pieces in my palm. My hand shook as I pointed my wand at the broken pieces. “ _Re-Reparo_ ,” I said. The pieces flew back together and I placed my glasses back on my face. 

        Everything immediately became sharp and clear and it almost made my head spin at the sudden difference. My eyesight had been bad since I was a small child, and it was honestly awful. 

        I slid my wand back up my sleeve and pulled my knees back up to my chest. I turned my head up, the silvery girl floating a ways above me. A ghost. Of course. I’d heard of a ghost in one of the girls’ bathrooms. The reason why no one went in there.

        The girl floated down to the floor and moved into a similar position as me. She tilted her head. “It’s kind of pathetic,” she said, her pigtails falling in front of her shoulders. “The fact you were in here crying I haven’t much to say about, because of course I was crying because of being bullied by Olive Hornby the day I died. A horribly wretched creature, always picking at me because of my glasses, calling me hideous. It’s the fact that you don’t even know such a simple spell that astounds me. But I shouldn’t expect much else from a Hufflepuff-”

        “I don’t think you were bullied because of your glasses,” I mumbled, squeezing my legs and turning away from her. “I would think you’re really pretty, but you’re just being mean! I thank you for teaching me the spell, but if you think I’m so pathetic, then go away and leave me alone!”

        The girl huffed and disappeared into the floor before I’d ever buried my face in my knees.

        “Kacie?” I didn’t look up when I heard Heather’s voice. She touched my arm gently, but quickly retracted it when I flinched away from her. I turned my head a little bit, and her expression seemed a bit sad. She reached out hesitantly once more, touching my shoulder when I didn’t move away. “Are you alright?”

        I hid my face away again. “Fine,” I mumbled.

        Heather didn’t say a word, but instead sat by me, her arm pressed against mine. It was silent for a few moments. “You weren’t in class by the time I got back,” she said in her oddly quiet voice. “So Professor Flitwick sent to me to look for you.” I fiddled with the end of one of my braids in the silence. “Well, he thought you might have been skipping, really. But everyone knew you weren’t.” Heather let out a little hum, the kind she used when she smiled. “Crystal… first couple months of school, she reckoned you were pretty stuck up. You didn’t talk to anyone, didn’t hang around anywhere longer than necessary. You always seemed to be off in your own little world, and you always disappeared between meals and class time. But you seemed to have knowledge, and you’ve always been so good at Defense Against the Dark Arts and History of Magic. I can’t really blame her thought process, with how you always kept people away.”

        I looked at Heather out of the corner of my eye, but she wasn’t looking at me. 

        “I’m pretty sure the only one who really knows what Lawson is thinking is Lisle, and really, the only person who knows Lisle is Crystal. But I know that Éowyn and Estella think you’re pretty cool to hang around. Éowyn is always talking about how she sees you reading in the library or in the common room and would like to discuss different books with you, but she doesn’t want to bother you while you’re so deep into the book, and when you’re done, you just disappear, so she doesn’t get the chance.

        “Jenna considers you a friend. There’s not much more to say about it. She just… wants to be your friend. She wants to help you, she can see something’s wrong, but she doesn’t understand. None of them, really. But I suppose I do.” 

        Heather finally looked over at me, and she tugged at her sleeves while she did so. 

        “I have anxiety too,” she explained. “A… different kind than you, I suppose. A little more control if I avoid my triggers, maybe.” Heather folded her hands and looked at them. “I guess I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. And that we could be friends if that was something you wanted.”

        I looked towards the circular sinks, away from Heather. I twisted a braid around my hand, tugging on it. “I- I hate- I _hate_ boys,” I said. “I’m not- I don’t- I’m not _okay_ around- around people. But- But I’m- Boys- They- I get scared and- and I- and I can’t _breathe_ because- because I remember- I think of-”

        “You don’t have to explain,” Heather said, her voice soft as a whisper.

        I shook my head quickly before taking a deep breath. I didn’t need to tell Heather about home problems, I didn’t need to worry her. And even mentioning Dad after what I’d already said would give people the wrong idea. He’d never touched me, or Mom or Lydia for that matter, in a way that could have been considered abusive. So I didn’t need to tell her about that.

        I had no such reservations about the events that had just taken place. So I told her about everything that had happened in the short time since we’d parted at the infirmary. I tripped over my words, stuttering through the explanation of what had happened. Heather listened intently, without interrupting, only encouraging and offering words when I’d get stuck.

        “I think we should tell Annie and Anthony,” Heather said once was all said and finished. I looked at her, clenching the fabric of my robes in tight fists. 

        “But- But would they _care_?” I questioned. “Would they- Would they truly- really be able- be any help?” I closed my eyes out of frustration. 

        “Anthony promised, didn’t he?” Heather offered. “The first night here. ‘If someone’s in need of help, you tell us’... something along those lines.”

        I opened my eyes again, but didn’t give Heather a reply. Instead, I simply nodded. 

        “After classes, then. We’ll go get Anthony and Annie.” I nodded once more. “Do you want to go back to class now?” I hesitated for a moment, but then nodded again. 

        I stood and Heather joined me. She held out her hand, and I slowly took it. She squeezed my hand and led my down the hallway. Professor Flitwick gave us a look when we entered the classroom, but didn’t say a word. 

        I fidgeted, unable to pay attention, for the rest of the day. After all our classes were finished for the afternoon, we went to find Annie and Anthony, but we couldn’t find either of them anywhere. 

        We spotted them at dinner, but I didn’t want to mention it in front of all the others and held tightly onto Heather’s sleeve so she couldn’t go up to them. But I watched them, not touching my food, even if Jenna kept trying to prompt me to eat.

        Heather ended up stopping the prefects before they could go off to their dorm rooms that night. 

        Just like Heather had done for me, they listened intently as she told my story. I cowered behind her, which was a rather hard thing to do because Heather was on the shorter side while I was on the taller, but somehow I managed to do so.

        Annie looked at me. “Kacie? Is that all true?” she asked, not accusing. Just… making sure. Confirmation. I nodded. Annie took in a deep breath, squaring up her shoulders. “They’ll be dealt with.”

        Anthony was frowning deeply. “ _Personally-_ ”

        Annie shot him a look. “Those three will be reported to the heads of house and be dealt with accordingly,” she stated. “If they can do nothing, then it will be brought to Dumbledore.”

        “But if nothing is still done,” Anthony said, “ _then_ we deal with it personally.”

        “You’ve got people who care,” Heather whispered when we were back in our dorm.

        The immediate next morning, Annie and Anthony went up to Professor Sprout, trailed by the other Hufflepuff prefects, as I was leaving the common room. Anthony smiled at me encouragingly, as if promising it would stop them. But as I soon found out, lost house points and weekend detentions did nothing to deter them. If anything, it seemed egg them on.

        As the weeks wore on, I found myself slinking through shadows and hiding out in bathrooms or behind others whenever I saw them. If I was unlucky enough to be caught without any of my housemates… it didn’t turn out very pretty.

        Annie fumed a week after the initial incident when I came back to the common room, covered in bruises, my broken glasses in hand. They had a tendency to levitate me, and my glasses always got some kind of broken when they eventually fell. 

        “Alright, I have had _enough_ of this,” she seethed while I sat on the couch in front of the fireplace. Anthony fixed my glasses wordlessly and handed them back to me from where he sat in the arm chair to the right of the couch. Annie paced restlessly.

        “I’ve _been_ done with it,” he stated. “But this has gone too far. I think we need to get _them_ involved.”

        “They’re _second years_.”

        Anthony shrugged, pulling his wand out of his sleeve and summoning several of the chocolate covered cookies from the tin in front of the fireplace to him. He held one out to me, and I tentatively took it, nibbling on it slowly. “You know what Charlie says,” he explained. “And seeing as it’s a first year, I don’t think he’ll mind getting involved, either. Or Torry. Any number of them, really. But I hear that they’re rather good at what they do.”

        Annie huffed, halting in her pacing and putting her hands on her hips. “Don’t bring your man-crush into this,” she said. “Just because-”

        “It’s not a man-crush,” Anthony said tiredly. “He’s a worthy opponent and a good friend. And honestly, I think the only person who knows more about dragons than Charlie is probably Hagrid.” My eyes widened and I wordlessly looked at Anthony in interest. He smirked when he noticed my stare. “Like dragons, huh?” I nodded eagerly. “I’ll have to see if Charlie has any books you can borrow-”

        “Back on topic, Tony!”

        “Oi! Calm down, woman!”

        Annie looked at me with a soft smile, brushing the bangs of her black bob out of her face. “We’ll get it figured out,” she promised. I nodded and finished off my cookie. “Why don’t you go find the others for now? I think Heather took Jenna to go study in the library if you want to go hang out with them.”

        I nodded again and stood. I headed out of the common room, but didn’t head for the library. Instead, I headed out for the forest. 

        It would be my birthday in five days, I would turn twelve, but I just… couldn’t find joy in the idea. I wouldn’t be going home for my birthday, I wouldn’t get to celebrate the next _seven_ birthdays with my family. That thought, piled on with all the others, put a real damper on my mood. 

        Snow had finally melted, leaving things slushy and wet on top of the cold. I let out a heavy sigh when I saw the clearing. The grass was soggy and damp and there were large spots of just mud. I didn’t much feel like being soggy and damp myself, so I wouldn’t be sitting.

        I leaned heavily on a tree, pulling on a braid absentmindedly.

        “Oi, look! There’s the cat girl!”

        “Wow, you really come out pretty far!”

        The two redheaded imps of the forest slunk out of the trees and I stumbled backwards. 

        “C-C-C-Cat girl?!”

        The two looked at each other before leaning against one another and smirking at me. 

        “You always come stumbling through the forest after your little white cat,” the one on the right said, his voice taunting.

        “Trailing after her like a lost kitten trailing behind its mother,” said the other, his voice just as amused. 

        I felt my cheeks go hot. “I- I do no such thing!” I squeaked. I found myself hiding behind the tree, using it as a barrier between us. “Now kindly- Would you please- Erm. Just- Just go away!”

        “That’s not very nice.”

        “We just wanted to talk-”

        “Please!”

        I closed my eyes tightly, feeling a pang in my head. My fingers raked against the tree bark and it scratched at my fingertips. There was a sigh. 

        “I suppose we’re not welcome here, eh Georgie?”

        “Whadda you say we get out of here then, Freddie?”

        There was a hum of agreement, the crack of stepped on twigs, and then silence. I didn’t really breathe until I opened my eyes to confirm that they were gone. 

        I hiccuped, my eyes stinging, as I leaned on the tree. My breathing was ragged as I slammed my fist against the trunk. I wanted to cry, to scream, but nothing would leave me. I felt cold to my core and rooted to my spot. 

        It had been an extremely stressful last couple of weeks, and I didn’t need _more_ on top of that. The one thing I was glad of, though, was that they’d left me well enough alone when I asked. They hadn’t come closer, they hadn’t just stuck around to spite me. They’d just… disappeared. 

        I couldn’t help the upward quirk of my lips. _Yes, imps seems like an accurate word for them._

        Eventually, I managed to pull myself away from the clearing and headed back towards the school. The sun was dipping lower in the sky, but it wasn’t yet dusk. I stuck my hands deep into the pockets of my coat and looked at my feet as I walked. 

        A clatter drew my attention and I stopped, looking up. The twins from before sat on the stairs leading into the entrance I usually used. They played a game with something that looked like sparklers glittering between them (exploding snap, my brain supplied, Johnny had played against Samson a few days before and Jenna had explained the rules to me). 

        I hesitated a moment, but then turned on my heels and headed for another entrance. It wasn’t long until I heard rustling behind me. My shoulders tensed and I could feel my heart beating harder in my chest. I picked up my pace. 

        “Can you- Would you- Just- Leave me alone,” I demanded, not looking behind me. 

        The shadows of the two tall boys passed over me until they stood on either side of me, easily keeping up with my quickened pace (to Hell with longer legs). 

        “Honestly though, kitten,” the boy on my right said, scratching at his chin, “we’re just curious about what you keep going out so far into the forest for.”

        “Don’t- Don’t call me- Don’t call me that!” I exclaimed. “I have- I have a name, you know!” My cheeks burned and my hands clenched in my pockets. One of them tightened around my wand. _Runrunrunrunrunrurnurn._ I walked faster. 

        “Oh, and what is it they call you?” the one on the left said as we entered the school. No other students seemed to be milling about in the hallway, and the most prominent sound was that of our shoes clacking on the floor.

        “Kacie,” I stated simply. “Now please- Can you- Please just- Please go. Now.”

        “Hey, are you-”

        A hand touched my shoulder. A chill went up my spine. The hand clenching my wand seemed… unreal. Not fully put together. I ripped the hand on my shoulder off, whipping out my wand and turning on my heel before I could think.

        One of the twins’ expression was worried, and there was a thin line of blood on his knuckles, but it was also mixed with confused. However, that had only processed after I shouted out “ _Aqua Reducto_!” and a thin stream of water burst from the edge of my wand and doused both of the redheaded twins. 

        And the figure shrouded in black standing behind them. 

        I looked up the form, blood running from my cheeks with each moment, until I finally met the gaze of Professor Snape. 

        “Oh no,” I whimpered. 

        He was… not quite as wet as the boys, but he certainly was not dry, either, and there was a rather obvious wet spot on the front of his robes. 

        His glower, however, was much colder than any water I could produce. It looked enough to freeze over the deepest depths of hell.

        “Addams, Weasleys,” he said, his entire face turned into a frown. “ _Detention_ , for using magic in the corridors. Tonight after dinner.”

        The left twin’s face turned quite red. Almost as red as his hair. “We didn’t do anything this time, professor-”

        “ _And_ ,” Professor Snape seethed, his glare turned to the twin, “fifteen points from Gryffindor for talking back.”

        Professor Snape pulled his wand from his cloak and removed all the water from his person, then turned on his heels and sauntered away. I shivered where I stood. 

_This is bad. This is bad. This is very, very, very bad. I can’t- I can’t do this! I can’t! Not with- There’s going to be- I’ll be trapped- Trappedtrappedtrappedtrapped-_

        I sucked in a deep breath before my vision could start swimming, trying to remember Dr. Stone’s breathing exercises. 

        It hurt to breathe, but at least I was doing so. And I wasn’t seeing double or black spots. That was always a plus. 

        I caught sight of the blood on the one twin’s knuckles. I looked away and hugged myself. I’d done that. I’d hurt him. I’d _attacked_ him. With a fairly harmless spell, but that _wasn’t_ the point! 

_God, I really am a freak._

_Am I any better than Dad?_

        I couldn’t help but shake, feeling numb and cold. “I- I’m _sorry_ ,” I said before biting the inside of my cheek. “But- Um. Just. I’m sorry. I can’t- I don’t-”

        “No touching,” the twin said, holding his hands up in surrender. He put his hands on his hips with a smirk. “Gotcha. Guess I should have thought about that beforehand. But that’s one hell of a reaction time you’ve got there.”

        I felt my face go hotter than it had been previously as the boy cocked his head with a smirk. He took a low bow, as if he were a grand knight or prince. 

        “Pardon this fool, dear Lady,” he said, “for approaching such a wonder as yourself.”

        “Indeed,” his brother said, bowing far too low and extravagantly. “Can this Lady find it in herself to forgive thy humble servants?”

        I took a step back, my hands shaking in front of me. “No- No- There’s- There’s no need for theatrics!” I exclaimed. 

        “What do you say, Sir George?” the first to bow said, looking over to his twin. “What is a fitting punishment for our crimes? I would think a beheading would be adequate.” I paled.

        “Certainly. But then who would continue to grovel for the rest of time, Sir Fred?” George asked. 

        Fred’s lips quirked into a smile and he stood, followed by George, and looking like they were talking about the _weather_ of all things. “Obviously the better looking one,” he stated. “Which we all know is me.” I covered my mouth to mute a snort. Neither looked at me.

        George gaped at Fred. “How dare you, good sir! I swear it is I.”

        “Nay, never! I’m much more handsome.”

        “Impossible. Anyone else would agree.”

        I giggled aloud, unable to muffle the entire sound. It seemed to spur them on.

        “I think you must really get your eyes checked, brother, if you cannot see the beauty that is me.”

        “If my eyes need checked, than perhaps does _your_ mind if you cannot comprehend that I am the more desirable.”

        Petty words thrown back and forth, a mix of serious and teasing, both arguing about who was the better looking. I couldn’t help it… I _laughed_. Laughed hard enough to grab at my stomach and double over. Laugh loud enough that it rang in my ears. I laughed at the simple _absurdity_ of it.

        “And why does the Lady laugh at these knights?” Fred asked, amused. 

        “Not knights, I’d say,” I said through my laughter. “ _Jesters_ perhaps. Are you not- Are you two not _twins_?”

        Fred and George looked at one another with wide, shocked faces. 

        “Blimey, she’s right!”

        “We’re identical!”

        “How ever did you know?”

        I opened my mouth to reply… _something_ , but was interrupted by a shriek from the end of the hallway. I looked up and my eyes widened.

        “Kassandra Addams! Where have you been?!” Jenna shrieked after turning a corner, Heather following behind her. She was pointing accusingly at me. “Annie said you went to the library to study with us _hours_ ago! We’ve been worried sick!” Jenna’s gaze moved to the two behind me, and it seemed as though she appeared at my side in no time. Though Jenna was shorter than me, she easily pulled me behind her and bared her teeth at the twins. “What did you do to her?!”

        “Actually,” George said, holding up a hand, “it was more she who-”

        I gently grabbed onto the back of Jenna’s shirt. “I’m fine,” I said softly. “They didn’t- I’m not hurt. I’m- I’m okay.”

        Jenna harrumphed, but stuck her nose up in the air and took my hand, pulling Heather and I away from them. 

        “Hey! Kassandra!” I stopped and turned to see Fred with his unbloodied hand in his hair. “That’s your name, right? What happened to Kacie?”

        I couldn’t help but smile a bit as I turned my head away. “You asked what I was called,” I replied. “Not what my name was.”

        Fred’s eyes widened, but then they went back to their usual look, though a new spark of troublesome curiosity was in them. He smirked. “Guess we’ll remember that for next time. Kassandra.”

        I rolled my eyes as I turned away. 

        The thing was, I wasn’t _scared_. Not in any sort of way I had been. In a way, I suppose I was _relieved_. They didn’t scare me. They couldn’t. 

        Not when they were such massive _dorks_.

        “So how do you know them?” Heather asked, looking over her shoulder at the boys we’d left behind. 

        I shrugged, curling back up into myself just a bit. I let out a hum. “Just… got a detention with ‘em…” I mumbled. 

        “Kacie got a detention?!” Jenna shrieked. “What?! What the hell!”

        Jenna also seemed to fit into that category, even if she perhaps put in too much faith that I generally behaved. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kacie's year is winding down to a close. But before it does, she turns twelve years old. And there's spiders. Because there always has to be spiders.

        There were, rightly, several horrid things about serving detention. 

        The first was, of course, the fact I had _detention_. And then everyone looked rather worried when they heard that I’d be late getting back to the common room because I had to serve detention with Professor _Snape_. 

        It was bad enough that it was the terrifying Potions professor, but I had to clean out terribly _awful_ cauldrons that hadn’t been completely cleaned by the spells used on them earlier. It was absolutely worse than doing day old dishes back home. Or trying to scrape out one of Great Aunt Patty’s burnt pies on any number of holidays… no one was going to eat that rock anyway.

        It wasn’t… so bad, for the first little while. I arrived, he sat at his desk, ordered me to get cleaning on the cauldrons, and I went to the far end of the classroom, far away from him. Nowhere close. So even if it was just the two of us in the room, I wasn’t bothered. I felt relatively okay. 

        But Fred and George… they _did_ arrive, though half an hour late, putting Professor Snape in a bad (worse) mood. I almost wished they _hadn’t_ , though. Because once they settled in and got to cleaning, I was effectively outnumbered, and any earlier teasing flew right out the window. I was blocked in in the back of the classroom, and I felt like a cornered piece of prey.

        Though my pace had been good before hand, during the roughly thirty minutes I was basically alone in my work, I struggled to control my breathing and my panic. 

        None of them were even inclined to get up from their places, let alone move towards me. None of them even _looked_ in my direction. I was fine. None of them would hurt me. There was enough distance that if they did, I could run. 

        I gave a hard yank on my braid and threw the thoughts out, simply repeating _You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay_ in my head. 

        I only felt myself breathe freely again when Professor Willostone came (which was an embarrassment in itself- she liked me and thought I was a good student and probably had her image of me ruined) and took Professor Snape away, asking for his help in removing some goo from the corner of her office that she couldn’t seem to get rid of.

        Fred and George cheered about that, and from what I gathered, they’d been the ones to set the goo up the year before. 

        Imps, the both of them. Troublesome little imps.

        Afterwards, the detention went rather smoothly and we ended up finishing the cauldrons before the clock struck for curfew. 

        But the worst part? The absolute _worst_ part about detention was telling my _mother_. Oh, she was definitely going to kill me when I got home. Perhaps just a stern talking-to and long lecture, but I honestly couldn’t tell which would be worse. Or if there was a difference at all. 

        It wasn’t obligatory or anything that students who got detention tell their parents (some parents might end up with multiple letters a day, if that were the case), but I tried to write to her _honestly_. And that included the detention. 

        I just wasn’t looking forward to her disappointed expression.

        My birthday came shortly after, and I turned twelve. 

        It was blistering cold, with frosty winds on top of it, and I had to bundle up tightly to keep out the chill even in the naturally warm common room. But when night fell and Annie herded me to the kitchens, she held her hands over my eyes as she lead me in.

        She sat me down at the table in the back, and there were several more people than I’d thought would be in there. More colors of ties than most.

        There was red, and blue, and I saw a single green. 

        “Anthony tells me you like dragons,” Charlie told me after we cut the lemon cake. (And who paid enough attention to boring me to know that lemon was, infact, my favorite flavor of cake?)

        He handed me a brown wrapped package, heavy in my hands. When I opened it, there were two books on dragons. Some of the edges of the pages frayed and both covers very worn, but my eyes widened in delight. Charlie rubbed the back of his neck. 

        “They’re used and pretty worn… so it’s not really an insult if you don’t like them…”

        “No- No!” I exclaimed hurriedly, holding the books close to my chest. I could feel my cheeks heat up. “I- I- I love- I love dragons and- and this- and this is wonder- they’re absolutely wonderful! I promise- I promise to take good care of them!”

        Charlie cracked a smile and Fred and George jumped out from either side of him. I let out a squeak and almost fell out of my chair. 

        “What- What are you two doing here?!” I shrieked. 

        “Never miss out on a chance to bomb a party,” Fred said, grinning teasingly. I could tell from the thin white line on his knuckle. The one I’d scratched. It should have healed…

        “What? You think we’d miss out on all the fun when Charlie gets to come?” George asked. 

        Charlie rolled his eyes and pulled Fred and George back by their collars. “So it seems you’ve met the troublemakers. Hope they haven’t caused too much trouble?”

        “Erm, maybe- maybe a little bit?”

        “I’ll have you know she’s the reason we were falsely accused of doing magic in the corridors.”

        “And was there anything else that could have warranted your detention?”

        “Oh, definitely,” I said, tapping my chin and thinking of the Forbidden Forest. 

        Both of the twins snorted and tried to complain, but Charlie dragged them off before I could hear any of it.

        I couldn’t help but smile a bit when they disappeared. Someone clearing their throat behind me had me jumping and whirling around. _Vidya_ of all people stood there, looking highly uncomfortable. 

        The candlelight flicking off the walls made the contrast of her red colored hair against her pale skin even more sharp, and with her standing so close, I could see the freckles dusting her cheeks painted just so so they looked like whiskers.

        She thrusted her hands out at me. “Here,” she said stiffly, not looking my way. I stayed frozen, not moving. Vidya huffed and shook the small box in her hand. “Well? Go on. It’s your birthday present. I didn’t curse it or anything. Those aren’t my specialties anyway.”

        Hesitantly, I reached out and took the box. I peeled off the wrapping paper to reveal a black velvet box. I slowly took the top off and my eyes widened at the necklace inside. A silver chain, with a golden crystal attached. 

        “Should have known you were a nerd who was into something like dragons,” Vidya said with a sigh, eyeing my newest books. “But it’s too late now and that was last minute anyway. It’s supposed to bring you good luck or something. Anyway, this is where I’m supposed to say happy birthday, right? Tch. It’s been said. I’m leaving.”

        I jumped up from my seat as Vidya turned to leave. “Oh- Uh- Um, wait! Please!” I reached out and grabbed onto the sleeve of her robe without thinking. She stopped and turned to me with a sharp look in her eyes. “I was just- Um. I- I wanted- Thank you. Thanks for, um, for the gift. And- And I just- I was wondering- I was wondering why you came.”

        The other girl huffed, reaching up to brush hair over her shoulder. “One of your prefects caught me staring at you the other day and told me to come,” she said. “Wasn’t going to risk losing points for my house by disobeying him.”

        “Anthony wouldn’t have done that…”

        “Whatever.”

        I looked at her, but averted my eyes when it felt like she was too intimidating, her sharp gaze holding onto me like it was. I licked my lips. “Uh, um, I’m sorry but- but why- why were you staring? At me. Exactly?”

        Vidya sharply turned away. “I’d say it doesn’t concern you, but it does and I’m not in the habit of _lying_. However, I just figure it’s not _my_ place to tell you, so I won’t. You’ll have to wait until next year when Ryan gets here to find out. Farewell.”

        And then she was gone.

        Estella came up to me, looking between me and where Vidya had wandered off into the crowd. “What’s up with her?” she asked, raising her eyebrow. 

        I shrugged, but couldn’t help but smile. “She’d look a bit like a fox, wouldn’t she?” I murmured softly. “If she tied her hair up in pigtails.”

        Estella gave me a look, then turned back in the direction Vidya had gone off in, contemplating. She laughed after a moment, shaking her head. “Good question,” she said. 

        It only snowed once more in February, and it melted nearly overnight. It wasn’t spring by the end of the month, but my winter coat had been left behind in favor of my lighter sweaters. Or jumpers, I suppose, in England and… Scotland, was apparently where Hogwarts was actually located? Geography had never been my strong suit, so I took Heather’s word for it.

        There was a day at breakfast when a rather large group of Slytherins came into the Great Hall, sopping wet. And smelling _very_ strongly of vinegar. Even from my place far away from the large doors, I could smell them as soon as they stepped into the room. Several students went right up to the teacher’s table, and their shouts of whoever did that to them needing punished could be heard over everything else. 

        A very, _very_ tall girl, with pale, wheat colored hair in a rather long braid, came over to where Annie was snickering behind her hand with a couple older Hufflepuffs. The girl flicked her braid over her shoulder, and I could see a single splash of vinegar on the front of her robes. 

        “I’d kindly thank you for doing something more direct than targeting everyone,” the girl said in an extremely thick accent I couldn’t place. “I do like to keep myself clean.”

        Annie lowered her hands, her expression something between amusement and a scowl. “Perhaps,” she said. “But perhaps you should keep your housemates from being brats and picking on younger students. Or just being spoiled, entitled brats in general.”

        The girl let out a long, suffering sigh. “I will keep that in mind,” she said, and then she left. 

        I rubbed my fork between my fingers. “Uh. Um. Who- Who was that?”

        “Penny Rosenherz. She’s a Slytherin seventh year, head girl,” Anthony explained as he cut into his eggs. “Not a bad sort. Well, not as bad as her housemates. She’s from Germany. A transfer student.”

        “Why- How- How did a transfer student- How is a transfer student head- head girl?”

        Annie shrugged and sipped at her pumpkin juice. “Technically, she’s been here since her first year,” she explained. “But she’s _from_ Germany. Hogwarts doesn’t normally take German students, but apparently the school she was _supposed_ to go to only went up to the fourth year and you need at least a full five years of school- to complete your O.W.L.s and most schools don’t take students who are trying to join in the middle of their school career. It’s a skewed system. She says they’re still stuck recuperating from World War 1 in the German wizarding world.”

        “And we’re stuck in the middle ages,” Anthony complained while shaking his head. “I’d like a regular pencil and notebook, thanks. Then I don’t have to worry about making my lines look neat.”

        “Clean up your writing, Tony, that’ll fix the problem.”

        “You know what? You can shut the hell up.”

        Through February and the beginning of March, I noticed that people were… sticking ridiculously close to me. I couldn’t seem to find a moment alone except at night in the common room when I couldn’t sleep. I needed time _away_ from people to recharge, and I wasn’t getting it. And with the rain that March brought, it was _way_ too wet to even consider going out into the forest. 

        Then, miraculously, after _three_ days of nothing but sunshine, I managed to give Jenna and Heather the slip! It made me feel just the _tiniest_ bit bad, but I _really_ needed people to give me a break already.

        So I found myself heading for the forest. 

        I wasn’t surprised to see the Weasley twins in there. Not really. I tended to keep a distance between us, but they’d often broken the silence between us and talked to me. There’d even been a couple times I’d fallen to the ground in pure laughter. 

        And that was how I found myself walking on a large, fallen tree trunk, the twins on the other side of the path, and Mittens trailing behind me. I held my arms out to either side, just barely keeping myself balanced. 

        “You have _how_ many siblings?” I questioned, my eyes going wide. 

        “Bill’s the oldest,” Fred said, counting on his fingers. “Then you’ve got Charlie, who you’ve met. And then Percy, who’s a prick and I’m not sure you want to meet.”

        “I. Er. I think I may have- I might have already met him?”

        “Really?” George asked, his expression surprised. 

        I hummed, mildly slipping on a damp piece of moss and Mittens letting out a yowl of warning. I huffed as I steddied myself. “Um. That- That might depend on how many redheads are in Hogwarts? In. Um. In Gryffindor.”

        Fred shrugged and went back to counting. “I feel bad for you if you have,” he said. “After Percy comes us-”

        “You’re twins. Count both of you, you’re not one being.”

        Fred snorted. “Then we’ve got Ron and Ginny at home. Ron starts next year, and Ginny the year after him. That makes seven.”

        I jumped off the end log, but continued to hold my arms out for a few steps before turning to look in Fred and George’s direction. “Did- Um. Did you know all of you have royal names?”

        “Really?” both questioned. 

        “King William in 1066, 1087, and 1689. King Charles in 1625. King George during the time of the Revolutionary War, King Frederick the Great in 1740. King Ronald- Actually, that doesn’t really sound right. But both Percival and Queen Guinevere are from _King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table_ legends.”

        “The what now?” Both Fred and George blinked owlishly at me. 

        “For Merlin’s- you know of Merlin and Morgana and you don’t know _King Arthur_?” No response. I sighed heavily. “I give up.” I pushed a long, bendy branch up out of my way before ducking under it. It swung back like a whip and Mittens hissed in complaint. I flinched, turning back to Mittens. “Sorry, Mittens.”

        “And how many siblings have you got?” Fred asked. “You’re the only one in Hogwarts, right?”

        I nodded. “I’m- Well, I’m the youngest- the youngest of eight,” I said. “But I only live- I only live with one of them. Lydia. Mack- Mack’s the next youngest. But he- he’s eight years older than me. And in college right now. Allen and Alfred, they’re Mom’s kids. And- And Erin and Elliot are Dad’s. Then Joey, Mack, Lydia, and I are- we’re both.”

        “You don’t all have the same parents?” George asked in surprise. I shook my head. 

        “‘S not my business to talk about it,” I muttered. “But Mom and Dad- they- it’s- um. They both- They had kids before they got married. Then they got married, had us, and now they’re apart again.”

        “You mean your mum and dad aren’t together?” I shook my head. 

        “What happened?”

        I pulled on a braid while shrugging. “Can’t say.”

        The playful mood turned sour. I didn’t like thinking about Dad. About what had happened. I _missed_ my siblings, I truly did, but thinking of them made me think of home, and thinking of home always made me think about Dad. 

        Before I knew it, we were in the clearing I’d practically dictated as my own. 

        I stood in the opening I generally used, breathing in deeply. Then I turned to the twins. 

        “This is as far as you go,” I told them, holding my hands out on the trees to either side of me. “This is my personal space and I don’t want you in it!”

        “We can’t exactly leave you alone-” Fred began to say.

        “You’ve done it plenty of times before.”

        I frowned at him. Fred and George looked at each other, then looked back to me. 

        “So Annie didn’t tell you?” George questioned. 

        I tilted my head, a confused pout still on my face. “Tell me what?”

        “About the Kacie Protection Squad.”

        I snorted at the name, letting out a laugh and doubling over. “There’s- There’s _no way_ that- that can’t exist!” I exclaimed. 

        “That’s why there’s always someone with you,” Fred explained, amused as he folded his arms. “Why even students from different years trail you. It’s partly how we’ve gotten the Slytherins to leave you alone. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten involved with the prank war. With how smart you are, I would have assumed you’d have noticed by now.”

        I turned bright pink. “I- I’m not- I am not that-” My voice trailed off into an embarrassed squeak. 

        “So, what do you say, kitten?” George said. “Can we come in?”

        “I have a _name_!” I exclaimed. 

        “Kassandra?” Fred guessed.

        “ _Kacie_! Call me _Kacie_!” I let out a groan and threw my hands up. “I stand by my statement! Stay out of my clearing!”

        I let out another huff and stomped into the clearing. I sat in the middle of a bunch of flowers, taking out my polaroid and snapping some pictures of the newly bloomed buds before putting the camera away and taking out a book. 

        They didn’t enter the clearing, but I could hear them shuffling around the outside, so I could tell they hadn’t gone too far away. I eventually got lost in the pages of my book, almost forgetting where I was and who was around me. 

        But an irritating itch entered the back of my mind. 

        Where was Mittens?

        She’d followed me, but at some point I’d lost track of her and I didn’t know where she was _now_. Of course, she was a cat. Cats just disappear sometimes. And she probably knew the forest better than even I did with how often she came running out of it. 

        I quickly stood and pushed the book back into my bag as soon as the thought had entered my mind. I hurried out of the clearing and back down the path. 

        “Woah! Hey! Kassandra! Wait up!”

        “I’ve told you a million or more times to call me Kacie,” I stated sharply. “Now I’ve got to go find my cat.”

        “Awe, a real kitten-”

        “Call me that _one_ more time and I _swear_ I’ll hex you.”

        The twins didn’t make another comment, only calling out for Mittens with me. But she didn’t seem to be anywhere. It was getting dark, and we’d gone up and down the path to and from the clearing several times, even venturing off. 

        “You think she went in further?” Fred asked as I stood at the far edge of the clearing, looking into the unexplored forest. 

        My hands were shaking, my fingers twitching. I had a braid held tightly in my hand, tugging on it repeatedly. 

        “I don’t know,” I said, my voice cracking. “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.”

        I couldn’t _breathe_. I could feel my chest shuttering, but I couldn’t feel my breaths in it. I couldn’t feel the air going down my throat or my lungs working or anything. Black tinted the edge of my vision. 

_Grit- Sand- Why- Why?! Weightless- Leave- Ungrounded- Why can’t I breathe-?!_

        “Kacie, can I touch your arm?”

        I jumped, stumbling back against a tree and going on the defensive. Fred held his hands up and took a step away from me. I gritted my teeth, but my eyes remained blown wide. He moved to take a step back towards me after my breathing even just a bit, but I flinched, turning my head away.

        “Okay. Okay. No touching. Alright. You okay?”

 _No. No I wasn’t okay. Did he even need to ask?_  “I’m- I’m fine.”

        “So _this_ is where you run off to? Tch. Disgusting.”

_No. No way. Not after all this time-_

        I turned slowly as Alexander Crosby stepped into the clearing, my eyes wide and my hands shaking. He looked around in disdain. 

        “It’s no wonder you like a place this dirty,” he sneered. “Liking a filthy place like this is something only for a mudblood.”

        “Take it back!” Fred shouted angrily. 

        Alexander let out a scoff of a huff. “Ha! And the Weasley blood traitors are here as well? Couldn’t have figured anything less!”

        “At least we’re not cowards who pick on girls and follow them when they look like they’re alone,” George snapped. 

        “Coward?” Alexander sneered. “Me? _Never_.” He pulled his hand out from behind his back and I covered my mouth as I screeched. “Would a coward bring you something he heard you lost?”

        “Mittens!” I shouted. “Put her- Put her down! Give her back!”

        Alexander held Mitten up by the scruff of her neck, dangling her. She yowled in complaint. I wanted to cover my ears, block out the horrid sound. But I couldn’t move. I couldn’t turn my gaze away from her. 

        “Stop it!” I begged. “You’re- You’re _hurting_ her!”

        “This mangy thing?” he scoffed. “Not likely.”

        “ _Please_!”

        Alexander’s eyes narrowed. He held Mittens close to his chest, even as she fought his hold. “I thought I might. But on second thought, perhaps I won’t.”

        He disappeared back into the trees, a horrid laugh trailing after him.

        “I know quite a good place to leave her out to dry!” Mittens let out a pained screech, and then I was running. 

        The movement was out of my control. The one moment, I was standing by the tree, Fred and George between me and the other side of the clearing. The next, I was running through the trees, branches and thorns digging into my skin. 

        I barely kept Alexander in my sights as I trampled after him into the forest. The shouts of Fred and George calling after me were completely non-existent to my ears. I only had one thought in my mind- _I would not let him hurt my cat_. 

        Alexander halted, and I lunged, tackling him into the ground. Mittens cried out as she was dropped, but I continued to roll with Alexander even after we dropped off a short ledge. I threw my fist out and it connected with his cheek, though from the throb in my fingers, I’m sure it more damage to me.

        I didn’t stop struggling, ready to continue wailing into him, even when arms curled around my shoulders and held me back. I struggle in the grip of one of the twins, not even thinking about fear, but instead only seeing red. 

        I was brought out of my thoughts by George asking “What is this stuff?”

        The substance covering George’s hand was white. Stringy. It covered… everything. _Everything_. The ground, the trees, the bushes. It covered both Alexander and I from our scuffle on the ground. 

        A freezing chill went down my spine. I heard clicking and froze for a mere second. Then my gaze traveled up… up… up…

        “I didn’t think they were real,” I whimpered. 

        Every else’s gaze followed mine up into the trees, though not so far, because they were _lowering_. Giant, black, hairy, eight legged, eight eyed _spiders_. Many as big or bigger than I was!

        My knees felt like jelly. 

        No one moved as the first spider touched the ground. 

        “Run.”

        I couldn’t tell who it was that uttered the word, only that it was the only coherent thought in my mind. I broke away from Fred’s hold and held tightly onto Mitten, running as fast as I could. 

        There was a shout of pain and I stumble to a stop, turning to look behind me. Alexander looked fearful as he was dragged away by a web attached to his ankle. 

        I looked back at the twins, then to Alexander. I took a step towards him. “Don’t do it, Kacie!” Fred shouted. 

        The blood in my chest ran cold. _Run and guarantee survival- help and possibly guarantee his-_

        “I can’t just stand around and do nothing!”

        I ran back to Alexander and grabbed his wrist. I tugged on him, trying to hold him while keeping my hold of Mittens. 

        “Drop the stupid cat!” Alexander wailed when my grip loosened when a spider started coming right for me. It was blasted away from me by a bright red spark. 

        “Don’t tell her what to do!” Fred shouted, grabbing onto his other arm. “It’s your fault we’re in this mess in the first place, you dingus!” He aimed his wand at the web attached to Alexander’s foot. He pulled him up and held him by the collar. “I’m only helping you because she would have done it alone and so I can punch your face in once we get back to the school!”

        Alexander nodded shakily then we began our run again. 

        My knee throbbed as I ran, unused to this sort of physical activity. My skin crawled with the phantom feeling of spiders all over me. The sound of the spiders following us- it was everywhere- all around me- I couldn’t breathe- was that a spider leg or black sand?!

        I found myself falling, and barely had time to scream before I found myself at the bottom of a ditch. 

        “Kacie!”

        I was still dizzy as Fred and George helped me sit up. Alexander screamed as he slid into the ditch as well. 

        I suppose you could say that was my first experience facing Death as he offered me his hand in a dance. I felt cold, frozen, as the spiders encircled us, slowly trapping us like predators who’d finally caught their prey. 

_This is… where I die?_

        I closed my eyes tightly, hugging Mittens even more. There was an electrified shock, I felt like I’d poked an outlet, and when I opened my eyes, a spider was being blasted back by a bright purple spell from above us.

        “Stay down there, children!” called the familiar voice of Professor Willostone. “It’s perhaps a bit too dangerous to come out now!”

        “Professor!” I exclaimed in surprise. 

        “I’m a bit busy now, Kacie, so if you don’t mind!” Professor Willostone let out a grunt as she set out three fireballs in quick succession. “However, I _will_ be having words will all four of you when we are done here!”

        None of us in the ditch spoke. However, we all bore witness to why, in fact Professor Emma Willostone was a very much renowned as a wonder duelist. Her reaction time was incredible, her speed extraordinary. None of the giant spiders made it even _close_ to her. And though a little sweaty, she didn’t look any worse for the wear by the time the last spider had hissed and scurried off. 

        She breathed heavily for several moments, then she looked down to us with a stern look that rivaled Professor McGonagall’s. 

        “Let’s get back to the school, children.”

        The trek back to the school was silent. I was exhausted, both mind and body. My arms ached from holding onto Mittens for so long, but neither of us seemed keen on me letting her go. My chest ached from breathing so hard, but it became dull as we were led to the Headmaster’s office. 

        Professor Willostone stopped in front of the griffon gargoyle, a thin line on her lips as she said “Cauldron cakes.”

        The griffon moved and she led us up the staircase, knocking sharply on the door leading to Professor Dumbledore’s office. 

        “Enter.”

        Professor Willostone pushed open the door to the office and ushered us in. Professor Dumbledore sat behind his desk, Professors Sprout, McGonagall, and Snape standing several paces away. I could also see Filch hiding in a dark corner. 

        “Headmaster,” Professor Willostone said. 

        “These are the students you found in the forest?” Professor Dumbledore asked, his voice quiet and calm. Professor Willostone nodded. My first impression of him in the beginning of the year had been he was a kind mind. Kind, but cooky. A little off his rocker. 

        The impression he gave then wasn’t really much different. But being as close to him as I was, I could see a sharp, wise glint in his eyes. He held himself with a purpose, whether that was to make himself look like a kind old man or something more, I couldn’t place a bet on. 

        But I was sure I didn’t want to find out if he had a silent anger or not.

        Professor Dumbledore waved his knobbled wand and four chairs appeared. He gestured to them. “Please, sit.”

        Fidgeting, I sat in the chair furthest away from Alexander. Mittens curled tightly into my lap and I anxiously ran a hand through her fur. 

        “I am sure you all know why you’re here,” Professor Dumbledore said softly.

        “We were in the forest,” Fred stated, not looking away from the man. I couldn’t even meet his eyes. “After hours. Past curfew.”

        “Yes, and as you have learned, the forest is forbidden for a reason,” Professor Dumbledore continued. “But that is not all.” No one spoke up. “There are many dangers in the forest, especially at night. Had Professor Willostone not been there, I would fear the worst.”

        “Then why do you keep them in there?” Alexander demanded. “If they’re so dangerous, then why let those- those- those _monsters_ stay?!”

        Professor Dumbledore didn’t answer, except for a twinkle in his eye. “Professor Willostone, would you take over their punishments, please?”

        “Of course, Headmaster.” We all turned to Professor Willostone, and I cringed. “Fifty points, from each of you. Fred, George, Kacie, three weeks weekend detention. Mr. Crosby, five full weeks.”

        Alexander scoffed in surprise. “Wha- Why am I the only-?!”

        “I am not naive, Mr. Crosby, to what you’ve continuously done,” Professor Willostone stated calmly. “And what happened in the forest. I hope that these next few weeks will even you out.”

        Alexander let out a growl and Professor Snape turned sharply towards the door. “Let’s go,” he snapped, and Alexander trudged after him. 

        “You’ll want to take that boy to the infirmary to make sure none of those injuries have poison in them,” Professor Sprout said, only for the door to slam and make me unsure if he even heard her.

        “Miss Addams.” I jumped and turned to Professor Dumbledore, feeling like a deer in headlights. He was smiling kindly. “I hear from Hagrid that this isn’t your first excursion into the forest.” Though it wasn’t phrased as a question, I shook my head. It _wasn’t_. It’d be useless to deny the fact. “I hope that this incident has succeeded in warding you off?”

        I looked down to Mittens. My fingers clenched around the cloth of my clothes. “N-No,” I said, forcing my voice out. “I- I _can’t-_ I won’t- It’s- I- I- I need to- to feel- feel safe? And there’s- there’s not a lot of places- a lot of places here that- I don’t. Here. And- And in the forest- I- I _do_. I- I _know_ \- I know I’m not but- but I _do_ and- and- and I- I won’t stop going into the forest.”

        “Miss Addams.” I turned towards Professor McGonagall. Her lips were pursed in a thin line. “This is directly disobeying the rules and ground for further detention, expulsion if it the matter was great. Do you understand what you’re saying?”

        I looked back to my lap. “I- I’m not- I’m not as much- I’m not as much of an idiot as everyone seems to think I am,” I whispered. 

        I understood, very clearly, in fact. I wasn’t a troublemaker. That wasn’t who I was. But here I was, outright declaring that I wouldn’t be paying attention to rules that were in place for a _very good reason_. 

        “Reckless,” Mom had once called me. For putting my feeling of safety over my _actual_ safety. I couldn’t say she was wrong. 

        “Minerva, you are quite right, of course,” Professor Dumbledore said. “But young Miss Addams is also correct in that we lack in the way of aiding in students who feel they need help.”

        “Albus, you’re not really just going to-?!”

        “Of course not. If she is caught going in or out of the forest, well, it _is_ against the rules and rightfully deserves detention. But if she does not admit to going into the Forbidden Forest, there’s no proof that she did otherwise.”

        I looked up to Professor Dumbledore in absolute shock. He had basically just given me _permission_ to go into the forest. The _Forbidden Forest_ that _no one_ was allowed to go into. Where there was _danger_ and chance of _death_. And he basically just told me I had free reign to go in- as long as I didn’t get caught. 

        He smiled at me then dismissed us. “I do believe these three have had a rather exciting night and should be getting off to bed.”

        “Of course. I will escort them to their common rooms.” Professor Willostone gestured for the twins and I to follow her out of the room. We did so quietly. Once we had gotten all the way down the stairs, she ran a hand through her blonde hair while giving a heavy sigh. “I honestly don’t know what goes on in the head of that old man…” She looked at me out of the corner of her eye. “Do be careful, if you return to the forest, Kacie,” she ordered. “And stay away from those spiders.”

        I nodded quickly. I didn’t want to deal with _them_ again. Ever. I was _never_ going that far into the forest again.

        “Well then, you three missed dinner. Let’s go to the kitchens and see if the elves can get something to tide you over until morning.”

        A simple sandwich and a glass of milk was all we got, and a bowl of warmed cream for Mittens, and then Professor Willostone set off to escort Fred and George to the Gryffindor common room. 

        “Don’t stay here too late,” she told me before the door closed. 

        Milsy came by and began to clear away the dirty dishes. 

        I looked at Mittens and furrowed my brow in thought. “Um. Mil- Milsy?”

        “Yes, Miss Kacie?”

        “Do you- Do you know how to enchant food? Is. Um. Is it possible?”

        “It’s very possible, Miss Kacie! And Milsy is very good!”

        I smiled at her. “Then- would you mind if I made some cookies?”

        The… ridiculously large spiders that inhabited the Forbidden Forest actually had a name. They were called Acromantula. And if that wasn’t terrifying, their venom was. It was particularly useful in potions, and sold well on the potions market, but it was also _poisonous_. 

        A slow working, could-be-deadly-if-it-goes-untreated-but-easy-enough-to-get-rid-of kind of poison, but poison nonetheless. 

        And Alexander, in the midst of our running for our lives, had gotten bit. Landing him in the infirmary for the better part of a week. 

        The last day, before he was set to be released to go back to regular classes, I dropped by the infirmary, a plate of snickerdoodles in my hand. Snickerdoodles, after all, were my best cookies. Madame Pomfrey looked me up and down as I held the plate in my arms, looking up at her innocently.

        She held up her wand and muttered an incantation. A thin green sphere covered the plate, but soon dissolved. She lowered her wand and waved me inside the infirmary. “I should have known better than to think you’d bring in something dangerous,” she said with a heavy sigh.

        Alexander was sitting up in his bed, looking bored while reading a school book. There were several potions and things on the stand next to the bed, but most of them looked empty. I quietly walked over to him and stopped at the end of his bed. He looked up from his book with a heated glare.

        “What do you want?”

        “For you.” I held out the plate of cookies. Alexander glared at it, but didn’t move to take it.

        “What?”

        “Isn’t this all Hufflepuff’s are good for?” I said, setting the plate on his side. I smoothed my skirt out under me as I sat down on the bed across from him. “Making sweets and being kind?”

        He was quiet, but took a cookie as I looked down at my feet while kicking them. I brushed stray hair behind my ear.

        “I’ve had several bad experiences with Slytherins since I started. You and your friends, Damien Darrell too, were a large headache. Vidya Ross and her… cryptic words and way of talking are another. But they lead me to believe that Melody Chambers would be a third. And everyone has always said that Slytherin is the so-called ‘evil’ house.”

        My feet stopped kicking. I looked up at Alexander Crosby. His eyebrows were furrowed. 

        “I was curious, so I did some research. The true traits of Slytherin house are along the lines of ‘cunning’ and ‘ambitious.’ There’s nothing about _evil_ in there at all.” I blinked at him. “The house of Hufflepuff, however, is known for fair play and kindness. Do you know what our actual traits are labeled as? Loyal. Determined. True. But it says nowhere that a Hufflepuff cannot _hate_.”

        Alexander’s mouth opened and closed angrily, but no sound came out. My eyes were glinted when I looked at him. 

        “I personally find it very hard to hate. But it’s easier when someone _hurts_ those I care about. And Mittens is family to me, and I care about her _very_ much. And you hurt her… I came today to tell you two things.” I climbed off the bed, standing tall as Mom always told me to. “The first- I hate you, and I will never forgive you for what you’ve done. The second…” I trailed off, turning away and beginning to walk off. I turned to look over my shoulder at Alexander. “We Hufflepuffs… but more specifically, _I_ , play only as fair as the playing field is.”

        I faced towards the doors leading out again.

        “The enchantment on those cookies is quite powerful. So for the next several hours, nothing you do will make any sort of noise. Do have fun while you’re stuck in here. You probably won’t be leaving until the spell wears off.”

        I left the infirmary, and let the doors echo behind me.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kacie's last few months at school are rather uneventful, and she returns home, realizing summer, just like her new life as a witch, has just begun.

        The Easter holidays fell during late March and early April, but Mom wrote me shortly before telling me that she had to leave a couple days before I was due to arrive because of a business trip, and she wouldn’t return until a couple days after I had to go back to Hogwarts. So I was stuck at school.

        Later April brought prepping for exams. Heather had gone to Cho and they worked out a study schedule for everyone, including tutors among us who could help others catch up. I’m fairly certain that Lysander and Samson were a lot more help than I was…

        But it went alright?

        On dry, sunny days, Jenna had taken to dragging our study group outside to study under a large tree. Fred and George, for some reason, had decided to join us. They were more a hindrance and a nuisance than anything, and were keeping Jenna and Johnny from studying by tossing a snitch from the last Quidditch game between them. 

        The two pairs of twins were passing a snitch around while Heather attempted to help me with my Transfiguration. It… wasn’t working well. Jenna was supposed to be with us, but she wasn’t having any of it.

        “Hey, where’s Lee?” I questioned Fred and George irritably. I pushed wisps of hair out of my face. “Why don’t you go cause trouble with him since you’ve got so much free time? Jenna really needs to study. Exams are coming up in a couple of weeks.”

        “Yes, _weeks_ , Kacie!” Jenna complained, tossing the snitch to Johnny.

        “But you need all the help you can get early on,” Heather pointed out, pushing up her glasses. “I’m not going to be able to be able to help you soon. I’ve got my own in depth studying to do. I need help on my astronomy.”

        “Then I can ask Cho-”

        “She needs to study too.”

        Jenna harrumphed as she sat down on the blanket spread out between us. “Fiiiine,” she whined.

        Fred and George laughed. “Too many Hufflepuffs,” they said.

        “And too many first years to boot,” I said offhandedly. I waved my hand in their direction, signalling them to be on their way. “Go find Lee and explore the dungeons or something.” 

        “Take Johnny with you,” Jenna said as she settled down on the blanket.

        “Hey, what’d I do?!” With his distracted shout, Johnny’s aim was off and the snitch flew away from our group and toward the forest. Within seconds, it was out of sight.

        “We’ll go get it,” George called as he ran off.

        I slapped a hand to my forehead. “Stay out of the forest!” I shouted. 

        “Pot or kettle, Kassandra?” I rolled my eyes and Fred laughed as he followed after his twin. Johnny looked helplessly at Jenna, Heather, and I.

        “Well, either sit down and study or go help them get the snitch,” Heather said, pointing her quill at Johnny. 

        Johnny gulped and slowly began inching towards the direction Fred and George ran off in. “I’m just- I’m gonna go.”

        Jenna sighed as Johnny turned around and ran after them. She leaned on her palm. “Not like he needs it,” she grumbled. 

        “Unlike _you_ two,” Heather stated. She poked me with the feather of her quill. “Now, try out this one right here. Explain this part to me.”

        “Wha- But that’s too hard!”

        “It’s the basics! Stuff from the _beginning_ of the year!”

        Year end exams lasted much longer than midterms. 

        The tests had more questions, more teachers gave practicals. But I felt better about most of the tests than I had before. Except Transfiguration. That still didn’t turn out well… 

        Professor Willostone gave a duel again, this time right after a written test. 

        I was paired off with Lysander again. I didn’t shirk away at the glint in his eyes, acutely aware that they were there for a _reason_ and that it had nothing to do with me. From late nights spent staying up all night and long hours playing chess in silence, I knew a lot about Lysander. The ever present feeling of _fear_ was still there, but it wasn’t _as bad_. 

        And when Professor Willostone called for the duel to begin, I didn’t shake. 

        It lasted much longer than our last fight, and sweat beaded on my brow, making my glasses slide down my face. And ultimately, that was my undoing. From the odd angle of my glasses, I misjudged Lysander’s spell that knocked my wand out of my hand. 

        “Lysander wins!” Professor Willostone called. Everyone cheered and clapped. 

        Lysander picked up my wand and handed it to me after I’d pushed my glasses back up. “Thanks,” I said softly. He nodded. 

        The bell rang and Professor Willostone gestured towards the door. “That’s all. Now students, you’ve all done well this year! Just keep up with your studies next year without me, and I’m sure you’ll do just fine! Have a good summer, everyone!”

        Everyone began to gather their things. I slipped the strap of my bag over my shoulder when we were called back. 

        “Kacie! Lysander! Stay a moment, won’t you?” I looked at Lysander out of the corner of my eye. His eyebrows were furrowed. We turned to Professor Willostone as the door to the classroom closed behind the last student to leave. 

        “What is it?” Lysander asked. 

        I nibbled on my lip. “Are you- um. It is- Is it true you won’t- you won’t be here next year?”

        Professor Willostone smiled. “Unfortunately,” she said. She rubbed her stomach. “I recently found out over the Easter holidays that I am pregnant, and I decided that I wanted to take a bit of time off to look after my child.” She held a fist up to her mouth and cleared her throat. “It is part of the reason I wished to speak to both of you. You are… both remarkable duelists. With more training, I’m sure you could become professionals, and even compete. It won’t be for another couple of years, of course, but I’d be willing to teach you during the summers.”

        “No,” Lysander said immediately, as soon as the offer had been dropped. “I don’t… I _won’t_ fight. Thank you, Professor, but no thanks. I won’t fight like that.”

        “Of course,” Professor Willostone said with a nod. “And you, Kacie? I don’t need an answer now, of course, if you need to think about it.”

        I hesitated, looking from Professor Willostone and to Lysander. I pulled on a braid. “I- I- No. I won’t- No- No thank you. I- I couldn’t. I’m not- I really not good with- with confrontation.”

        “I understand,” she said. “You’re both free to go. You haven’t got long before dinner, and I’m sure you’ll want to rest up for your Astrology exam tonight.” Lysander and I turned and began walking. “Oh, and Kacie?” I slowed to a stop and turned. Professor Willostone was grinning with a twinkle in her eye. “Don’t get into _too_ much trouble.”

        “I- I’m not- I’m not a troublemaker!”

        “Of course not, dear. Have a good summer.”

        With one last wave to Professor Willostone, I followed Lysander out of the classroom.

        After exams were finished, there wasn’t… a whole lot to do. A bit more teaching, and a lot of homework to work on over the summer. Which, honestly? _Really_ sucked. Summer was supposed to be about fun and getting _away_ from school! But apparently not at Hogwarts.

        Our exam results came in a few days after they were all finished, and I almost cried that they didn’t actually look any better than before. Except the History of Magic had been upgraded from ‘Exceeds Expectations’ to ‘Outstanding’ and I’m not even sure how that happened.

        The end of year feast, the last we’d have that year at the school, seemed even more grand than the start of term feast! Right as I walked in, food covered the tables, all atop golden platters and plates. Everything gleamed brightly, freshly polished.

        Perhaps the only damper on the feast was the emerald green banners hanging from the ceiling. And the rather large tapestry displayed behind the teacher’s table. 

        I slumped down into the space between Jenna and Heather with a sigh. Annie huffed, folding her arms tightly and pouting. 

        “All six years!” she exclaimed. “All six years and Hufflepuff hasn’t won _once_! It’s always _Slytherin_!”

        “Maybe you should stop starting prank wars then,” Anthony mumbled under his breath, causing Annie to smack him. 

        The quiet murmur of the students all around quieted down when Professor Dumbledore stood. “Another year gone,” he said, looking out at us all. “And perhaps your heads are fuller than before, though I’m sure it will have all turned to fluff before you return.” There was laughter from the different tables and Professor Dumbledore smiled. “An exciting year for us all, and our seventh years now go off out into the world to spread their wings and fly! Congratulations to all of you.” 

        Everyone cheered and clapped, and several seventh years blushed and hung their heads in embarrassment. 

        “Ah, but I am dawdling,” Professor Dumbledore said, and he even managed to look a bit sheepish. “The house cup needs awarding. In fourth place, Gryffindor with three hundred and eighty nine points. In third place, Hufflepuff with four hundred and twenty two points. Ravenclaw with four hundred and fifty six. And this year’s winner of the house cup, Slytherin, with five hundred and one points. Congratulations, Slytherin house.”

        Loud cheers went up from the Slytherin table and Annie slumped over. Anthony rubbed her back soothingly. 

        “At least it’s not fourth,” he murmured. 

        Jenna leaned over to whisper in my ear. “You think they’re dating?” she asked, making me snort and giggle. 

        “I heard that, you rugrat! You take that back!”

        Who even knew if they were friends or something more?

        “Now that that is settled, let us feast!” Professor Dumbledore proclaimed, and there was a deafening cheer as everyone began to dig into their food. 

        Jenna’s eyes were wide and her mouth watering as she heaped a helping of something or another onto her plate. Heather stared at me intently until I’d placed food on mine. She nodded in satisfaction and got her own. 

        “You two are going to write this summer, right?” Jenna questioned, her mouth full of food. 

        Johnny stuck his tongue out in disgust from the other side of the table. “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

        “What are you, my mother?”

        “I’m your twin. There doesn’t seem like much of a difference.”

        But before any further argument could occur, I tentatively said “I- I don’t- I don’t have an owl… We don’t- We didn’t have the money for one…”

        Heather seemed to turn bright pink as she muttered “Me too…”

        Jenna’s jaw dropped. “That’s entirely unacceptable! Here, look through here and see what you like-” Jenna whipped out a thick magazine and placed it between Heather and I. The page it had fallen open to was a picture full of owls. “This issue just came out today, so they’re still available. But if you don’t like any of these ones, you can just pick out which ones you like the look of and I can go find one similar to it in Diagon Alley-”

        “J-J-J-Jenna!” I screeched. “You- You can’t be- You can’t be thinking of getting us- getting us _owls_!”

        “Of course I am,” she deadpanned. “How else are we going talk over the summer? And they’re useful, anyway. You can get them to bring you your post or the paper. They’re good lookouts, too. Very smart birds, owls. And they hunt for themselves, so if you’re worried about feedings, all you’ve got to get is the occasional owl treats, but those are easy to come by and don’t cost much! Probably. Eh. Anyway, look, look!”

        Heather and I gave each other nervous looks, but Jenna was being insistent, and it didn’t appear that she’d be letting up anytime soon. I picked out a tawny owl with reddish coloring on it. It was short and fat, but adorable. _Gimli_ , I thought. Heather pointed to a grey, almost silver in color, owl with black tipped wings, and Jenna gave us each a satisfied nod. 

        Jenna looked satisfied as she circled them. “I won’t be able to give them in person, but I’ll send them your way as soon as possible!” she said cheerfully.

        “You really didn’t need to do that…” Heather whispered.

        “You’re friends!” Jenna said, wrapping an arm around each of us. “Why shouldn’t I spoil you a bit?”

_Jenna, I hate to tell you, but I don’t think buying your friends pets counts as “spoiling”. Spoiling your friends is going out to eat and always insisting you pay or- or- or being excessively nice? Wait- is she? How do you even know if you’re being spoiled? If she is, it feels weird…_

        In the end, neither Heather or I protested enough to prevent Jenna from sending off the orders to get us owls.

        Mom would have a hayday when I returned and told her what happened. 

        It was bright and early when we boarded the train. I waited in the back of the line with Jenna and Heather as several other students piled on. 

        “Hey! Kacie!” I looked up and saw Cho pushing through the crowd to get to me. She grinned brightly to Jenna and Heather, nodding in greeting, before turning her attention back to me. “I’m going to go sit with Danielle and Marienetta, but there was something I wanted to ask you.”

        I twisted the end of my braid around my finger. “Uh. Um. Oh- Okay?”

        Cho’s smile brightened. “I was just wondering if you’d like to come to my house over summer break,” she said.

        My eyes widened in surprise. “Oh. Um. I- I wouldn’t- I couldn’t- I’d inconvenience you- I- I live- I live all- all the way in- in Aberdeen-”

        “Never!” Cho exclaimed. She grabbed my hands and they only twitched. “It would be fun! And we really don’t have so many people living at home. Just Mum, Dad, my older cousin, and me. We have the room so you can stay awhile!”

        I hesitated, looking beyond Cho. My eyes unfocused as I thought, nibbling on my lower lip. “Oh. Um.” I turned my focus back to Cho. “I- I would- I’d have to ask Mom. But. Um. I’d- I’d like that?”

        Cho smiled at me, just as happy but no longer as overwhelmingly bright, but instead sweet. She squeezed my hands tightly. She pulled a muggle pen out of one of her pockets and wrote a phone number on my arm. “Call, alright?” she said. “And you can tell me your number then!” She pulled away. “I’ll see you, Kacie!”

        I waved a bit as Cho disappeared into the crowd. Jenna whined as she let her chin thump onto my shoulder (difficult though it was- I was taller than her). 

        “And I wanted to be the first to invite Kacie over!” she complained. 

        Heather patted her shoulder. “Then you should have asked first,” she berated in her quiet voice. I couldn’t help but let out a giggle, eyeing the two of them. 

        Mittens rubbed against my leg and I picked her up. Agatha was around somewhere, too, but she didn’t seem to like Mittens so well. There were times when I understood Jenna calling her a crabby old witch.

        Mittens purred as I ran my fingers through her fur once we’d made it onto the train. 

        Finding a cart wasn’t too difficult. Johnny stopped by just before the train took off, a smoky grey cat (Alfred, I assumed) trailing after him. He only came by to pick on Jenna for a moment before he was thrown out, but then it was only the three of us. 

        “What all do you plan to do over the summer?” Jenna asked. 

        Heather pulled gently on a strand of her oily, dirty blonde hair while smiling gently. “Well, Mum just had the triplets… so we’re probably just going to be hanging around the house. It’s not much, but I’m sure we’ll manage.”

        “We won’t- I won’t- be too- be _doing_ too much- too much either,” I said, forcing out a small laugh at my blunder. “Um. It’s just- It’s just Mom works- she works a lot. And- And- It’s- It’s not like we really know- I haven’t been in England too long? So. Um. I’ll probably- I’ll probably spend my time exploring Aberdeen. Unless Mom says I can go to Cho’s.” I could feel my body heat up from embarrassment. 

        Heather turned to Jenna. “What about you?” she asked, directing the conversation away from me and my speaking problems, something I was immensely grateful for.

        “Mum always gets us tickets to The Quidditch World Cup,” Jenna explained, “so we’re going to Italy this year.” She sighed heavily. “But Italy isn’t even playing on their home field. It’s the Russians versus Hungarians. The Hungarians were brutal this year…” Jenna gave another sigh and hung her head. “Do you even know how hard it is to keep up with sports when you’re in school?”

        “I’m sure you’ll manage,” Heather told her, rubbing her shoulder. “Do you like Quidditch?”

        “ _Like_ Quidditch?!” Jenna exclaimed, standing and stumbling when the train jerked, but it didn’t take away her enthusiasm. “Quidditch- Quidditch is a way of life! It’s not just a game, it’s a movement! And since second years are allowed to try out for the house Quidditch teams, I’m going to try out! And once I get the spot, we’ll become the best players in the school!”

        “What position?” Heather asked. I felt myself entirely lost. I hadn’t attended a single Quidditch game the entire year (sports have never really been a big thing for me) and I hadn’t paid much attention when anyone on the team tried explaining the rules. I could recall Annie and Anthony introducing the current players to me, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember any of their positions.

        “I’m the best Beater in the house!” Jenna proclaimed proudly. 

 _Ah. That was one. Weren’t there two of them? Something- Something about sneaking- a sneaker? No,_ _seeker_ _._

        “Is Johnny going to try out, too? I’ve noticed the Gryffindor Beaters are twins, too.”

        “That loser? Eh, it’s an alright beater, but he ‘doesn’t like conflict’ is what he says. It’s a game- where’s the conflict?!”

        “Too many passionate people…?”

        “The house rivalries?” I mumbled. 

        Jenna and Heather looked at me. Jenna shrugged. “To-may-to, ta-ma-to as they say.”

        “Who _actually_ says that, though?”

        “Um…”

        The train ride continued, rather peacefully but chaotic at the same time. 

 _There is peace in chaos_ , I had thought of the forest. And for a moment, Jenna rolling with laughter and Heather smiling serenely with Mittens and Agatha both laying on the opposite seat, I saw them as both the peace and chaos that the forest brought me.

        I wasn’t scared. 

        These people didn’t scare me. Intimidating by how wonderful they were and the fact they willingly wanted to spend time with me, yes. But I wasn’t scared. 

        The train came to a stop as the sun began to set outside. Everyone was pretty tired from the ride, even the cats, so Agatha for once didn’t fight Jenna as she picked her up. 

        I froze in the doorway of the train as Heather ran off to join a rather large group of people. There were so many children, and three of them just little babies. Heather’s father held two of them, while her mother held the third. She was bombarded as soon as the older ones saw her.

        “You alright?”

        I jumped and turned to Jenna with a smile. “Um. Yeah. I’m- I’m fine. I think.” I turned back to looking at the families reuniting. Annie was hugged tightly by a short, plump woman who lifted her off her feet while Anthony held his face in embarrassment. “It’s just- disorienting? I. Um. I know I was here for Christmas. But- But I didn’t… I wasn’t around people a whole lot. This feels… different. Like I’m- Like I’m not the same. Like I’ve really changed.”

        “You’re really not,” Jenna said, and I stared at her wide eyed. “You’re not the same. You’ve changed a lot since the beginning of the year- grades, magical ability, even your shyness. They’ve all changed. Yeah, you still stutter a lot and are pretty scared around the best of us, but at least you’re _talking_ to us, you know? You mostly spoke in hums and nods and squeaks in the beginning, yeah?”

        I turned bright pink and looked down at my shoes. Jenna placed a hand on my shoulder. 

        “I know you didn’t ask for it a whole lot, and I don’t know if it was because you didn’t know me, but the offer still stands, you know?” When I gave her a confused look, she grinned and waved her hand. “You can hold my hand if you need me to ground you. Or I can hold yours. Whatever, really. But… sometimes I can just… practically feel how hard your heart’s beating in my own chest. And I got worried sometimes.”

        She stepped off the train, dragging her trunk with her. 

        “But have a good summer, Kacie! I’ll write to you soon!”

        I waved as Jenna joined Johnny and they met up with their parents. I looked to Mittens with a smile. “Well, girl, looks like it’s our turn.”

        I took a deep breath and jumped off the train. I pulled my trunk off and turned my eyes back to the crowd. 

        “Kacie!” I saw Mom waving her hand above her head. I broke into a big smile and raced to her. Mittens leapt out of my arms as I practically threw myself at her. She hugged me tightly and I hugged her just as firm. “Oh sweetheart, I missed you!” She pulled away from me, her hands still on my shoulders, and her eyes grew wide. “You’ve grown again! Oh, my beautiful Kacie!” She pulled me close and kissed my head. 

        I rubbed at my eyes while laughing, trying to keep myself from crying. “No- No I haven’t,” I said. “I’m still just Kacie…”

        “Pretty sure you’ve grown taller than me again.” This time, I was the one to pull away from Mom. Lydia was… vastly different from the last time I’d seen her. My eyes widened in surprise. 

        Lydia had always been pretty in my opinion. But she’d stopped wearing dresses when we were kids, and she’d never put on makeup before. I’d never known her to have an interest in them. 

        But there she was. Her skirt was pink and fell to her knees in pleats, her black and white striped shirt was trying to fall off one of her shoulders, though the white elbow sleeved shirt under it kept it from being indecent. Her hair was mostly pulled out of her face, but two red locks had been left to frame it. Her makeup wasn’t professional, and mostly simple with only some light blush and pale pink lipstick, but she seemed almost like a new person.

        In awe, I walked up to her, just staring. Without even seeming to realize what I was doing, I reached up and poked her cheek. They turned even pinker form her blush as she smacked my hand away. 

        “I just wanted to make sure it was the real you!” I exclaimed. 

        “Of course it’s me!” she screeched. “Who else would I be?!”

        “Some imposter trying to trick me?!”

        “Who would bother to do _that_?!”

        Mom sighed fondly, placing a hand over her heart. She wrapped an arm around each of our shoulders and pulled us close. 

        “Come on girls, let’s go home,” she said. 

 _Home_. I couldn’t help but sigh in content. 

        My first year at Hogwarts was over, and summer had just begun. 

        I was a witch, I had magic flowing through my veins. I wasn’t like the other girls. Not like Lydia or Dee or anyone else I’d known before I turned eleven years old. 

        I’d gone to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and though I hadn’t gotten the highest marks or had the calmest year, I didn’t… _hate_ it. It hadn’t turned out _nearly_ as bad as my imagination thought it’d be. 

        The fact that that would be my last truly calm year completely escaped me. No, I wouldn’t know that until my second year. 

        But for now, I was home. 

        “Hey, Mum, how do you feel about having an _owl_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we're here at the end of year 1. Expect many more to come! I'm currently working on Year 2 now, but both me and my beta have busy lives, and I tend to get a lot of writer's block. But I will be having that out as soon as I can! In the meantime, I will be posting a "Behind the Scenes" book with short stories from the POV of other characters, currently including Lydia, Annie, and even Mittens. Go subscribe to the series to see when I publish the first story in that!
> 
> On another note, I am quite surprised to even get the reception I did. Considering that this has an OC main character and it's in 1st person POV. Still, I thank each of you for joining me on Kacie's journey and I hope you'll continue to do so! Until next time!

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews and constructive criticism is much appreciated!


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